Talk:Titanfall 2/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Freikorp (talk · contribs) 12:23, 28 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Consider wikilinking rifleman
Do you think it's necessary to mention the titan's serial number (BT-7274) in the lead? Also I don't think it is leadworthy to mention that they were "known internally as "action blocks". This is all fine for the body but I don't think you need to put it in the lead.
"as well as video games Half-Life" - video games Half-Life? Should this be 'video games including Half-Life' or 'the video game Half-Life'?
"A heavily modified version of Source powers the game" - I'd say "of the Source engine powers the game" for the benefit of non-gaming readers
"At launch, the game received critical acclaim" - I'd drop 'At launch' as redundant
"an arsenal of abilities" - is arsenal the right word for abilities? I note you use arsenal again later to describe the collection of weapons
"with the aid of a jump kit" - what is a jump-kit? This could use explanation.
"a sliding mechanic" - also needs explaining
"the holo-pilot, a holographic pilot that mimics players' action to confuse enemies," - I feel like everything after the first comma should be in brackets
"At close range, players can execute their opponents from behind" - what do they execute them with? Is it a melee attack?
"seven Titans are introduced" - I'm only counting six after this mention. Why is Monarch not mentioned until later?
"Finally, Monarch— added" - is that space after the dash supposed to be there? Same later with "long- or short-"
"upgrade itself on the fly" - 'on the fly' seems a bit colloquial
"Maps are sprawling" - what does this mean?
"in the "Effect and Cause" level, requires players to shift" - grammar
"Players can rodeo an enemy's Titan" - what exactly does this mean?
I think guild in "similar to a guild" was supposed to link to Video gaming clan
"In the wake of the Battle of Demeter" - consider linking Battle of Demeter to the plot section of the first game, rather than just the first game.
"Militia is on the offensive; battling" - I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure this should just have a regular comma instead of a semicolon
"a class three" - unless what this means can be clarified (is class three better than class one or vice versa) I don't think it's worth mentioning
"Jack Cooper is a class three rifleman in the Militia" - repetition; Cooper has already been introduced
"producer, Drew McCoy" - drop the comma
The Mohammed Alavi quote box needs a citation
"between the player character Jack Cooper and his Titan BT-7274" - I'd just say "between Cooper and BT-7274"
"Lee Wilson provided motion" - isn't Lee his middle name? Shouldn't you just say 'Wilson'?
Replace "Jack Cooper" with just 'Cooper' where possible, such as "as Jack Cooper transforms"
Cab you wikilink "occlusion" to something appropriate?
"controlled by EA not Respawn" - this is very awkward wording. How about "which was controlled by EA rather than Respawn,"?
"but it could have sold even better" - I'd drop 'even'
"Zampella claimed" - replace claimed with 'said' or equivalent as per WP:WORDS

Looks good overall. Placing on hold until issues are addressed. Freikorp (talk) 12:48, 28 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Freikorp: - Thanks for the review! I think I have addressed most of your concern. Since I mention BT-7274 in the caption for the cover art, I include it in the lead section. AdrianGamer (talk) 06:56, 29 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good to me, happy for this to pass now. :) Freikorp (talk) 11:55, 29 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]