Wikipedia:Peer review/Spanish coup of July 1936/archive1

Spanish coup of July 1936

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has passed GA, but just before that there was a stage I wasn't happy with it, but pulled it up to GA. I would therefore like some indication of whether I should pursue ACR, and iron out the faults in the article as it stands, as well as any scope/summary issues.

Thanks, Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 14:46, 27 October 2011 (UTC)

Comments With just a brief look, here's three things:

• The lead is too long
• I'm not happy with the type of visual aid you have in the lead, I would see if you can add a picture with an infobox and expand the existing template.
• You've relied on too few source - I'm sure you can find more to make sure you don't have all the citations from one source.

Good luck! Kirk (talk) 00:27, 2 November 2011 (UTC)

I've cut down the lead, my best shot at an image is the map, and no more than half (after a little tweaking) are from a single source. The latter is only really an issue if you believe it leads to a constrained narrative, which I do not think it does. Grandiose (me, talk, contribs) 13:39, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments:-

• The lead map is a visual improvement, but is it the right map? Its information goes way beyond the events of the attempted 1936 coup. The map in the "Beginning of the coup" section looks more appropriate.
• Since, as you say, the coup failed in its purpose of unseating the government, shouldn't the title be "Attempted Spanish coup of July 1936"?
• Some of the language has a distinctly POV feel. For example, "...General Juan Yagüe, who was rightly accused of masterminding the growing conspiracy in North Africa" (suggest delete "rightly"). Also, in the lead José Castillo is "murdered", while Calvo Soleto is merely "shot". These tems recur in the main text though, confusingly, the relevant section is entitled "Murder of Calvo Soleto". Personally, in the interests of a neutral POV I would avoid altogether the use of "murder" to describe the killings which are inevitable in any internecine conflict.
• More POV: "The right began to conspire..." You need to re-edit all such dubious phrasing
• The lead is short of date information enabling readers to follow the narrative of the coup. The last specific date mentioned is 18 July; none of the events in the last lead paragraph are dated> When did Cadiz and Seville fall to the rebels? When did Godard surrender?
• Talking of Cadiz, I see in the text "The rebels failed to take any major cities with the critical exception of Seville.." so is Cadiz not considered a major city?
• I am a little concerned about some of the prose which is on occasion rather clumsy. For example, in the lead: "Both left-wing parties like the Socialist Party and right-wing groups like Carlists, Alfonsist monarchists, and the Fascist Falange Española became more extreme..." What is "both" doing here? And "like" sounds weak and vague. I think you mean: "The left-wing Socialist Party, and right-wing groups including Carlists, Alfonsist monarchists, and the Fascist Falange Española, all became more extreme..."
• Also note some random prose issues:-
  • "Prieto did his best to avoid revolution..." Who was Prieto? No earlier mention in the article.
  • "The Socialists and Communists (lead by Prieto)..."
  • "Franco's plane landed in Gran Canaria on July 14, but, based in Tenerife, he would have been unable to make the plane without the death of General Amado Balmes, military commander in Gran Canaria, who was killed in a shooting accident on July 16." What does "make the plane" mean, and why was Franco's ability to "make" it dependent on the military commander's death?
• Be consistent as between "Gil-Robles" and "Gil Robles"
• Citations and sources
  • Citation 24 is to "Payne", not defined in the sources
  • Citation 25 is to "Preston 1999", again not defined in the sources
  • Why is citation 39 to "Thomas 1987", when all the other Thomas citations are to 1961?
  • The bolded 15 in the Westwell book entry needs explaining. I believe it refers to the "Spearhead" series, but this is not apparent.
• Image query: What is the basis for assuming that File:Franco0001.PNG is PD in the United States?

I hope these comments will help you to improve the article. As I can't watch individual peer reviews (too many), please contact me via my talkpage if you wish to raise any issues with me arising from this review. Brianboulton (talk) 17:48, 7 November 2011 (UTC)

PS There are two links to disambiguation pages which need fixing. Identify from the toolbox top right of this review. Brianboulton (talk) 17:50, 7 November 2011 (UTC)