Wikipedia:Peer review/Jang Yeong-sil/archive1

Smooth transition between topics and paragraphs, prose
KPOV, NPOV, weasel words, tone
Is the organization of the sections forcing the paragraphs to be too short & brief?
Additional details, sources, knowledge on mechanisms behind his inventions

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 22:32, 30 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Good work here! A few things that might help:
- AndyZ's bot is right about the lead section; definitely needs another couple of paragraphs.
- I think the subsections for specific inventions could be done away with, with the more notable ones (like the armillary sphere) perhaps given articles of their own. That would help with flow & readability.
- I don't know how much is out there, but more information about his life & legacy would definitely help. At the moment there is little connecting Jang's early life, his inventions, and his expulsion; this makes the article as a whole less powerful than it should be.
- If your source is actually in Korean (is it?), you should really cite it by its original title. Romanization can still be given in parentheses. Cheers, -- Visviva 05:48, 3 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]