Wikipedia:Peer review/Hershey Creamery Company/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to get feedback on any areas of weakness it may have, and on what else it might need before I send it up for a GA nomination.
Thanks, -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 10:56, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement. I think it needs some cleanup work before it is ready for GA.
- The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article, but does not make it clear this is a Pennsylvania company from the USA. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but the Products and Other legal issues sections seem under-represented in the lead. Please see WP:LEAD
- History is not in chronological order - goes from 1920s to 1960s then back to the Great Depression.
- The geography is a bit muddled, especially for those unclear about Pennsylvania. Reading the articke, I learn that the company started in Lancaster County in 1894, was taken over by a dairy from Bethlehem, in Lehigh and Northampton Counties, then opened a plant in Harrisburg in Dauphin County, followed by a second plant in Lower Swatara Township also in Dauphin County. Then we get Hershey Creamery has been involved in multiple lawsuits with the similarly named Hershey Company, which was founded at the same time and in the same city by Milton S. Hershey—no relation to the founding Hershey brothers.[5] But looking at Hershey Company, that company was founded in 1903 in what became Hershey - which is not a city at all, but a census-designated place in Derry Township, Dauphin County. It is not clear from this article that the dairy has any facilities in Hershey PA now.
- Article needs a copyedit for typos and errors - the infobox says the company was founded in 1984 (not 1894) and there are many places where words are missing or sentences are unclear or links are wrong. For example As the company grew, it split its operations, with its ice cream mixed at its original Harrisburg plant, while its shipped to a second facility in Lower Swatara Township for hardening and packaging. What does "while its shipped to a second facility" mean? Would it read better as "which is then shipped to a second facility"? Plus the link to hardening is for a computer term. I would print this out and read it out loud slowly to find these kind of rough spots.
- Article seems to contradict itself in a few places - infobox says its revenue was about $45 million in 2007, but the lead and article only mention 2001 "sales of $91.4 million" - a drop of over 50% in 6 years seems odd -can this be explained?
- Another apparent contradiction Hershey Creamery is a family owned business ... but later Hershey Creamery Company is a publicly traded company. If most of the shares are owned by the Holder family, then this needs to be made clearer.
- Article leaves some things incomplete, for example why not quote the disclaimer after After three years in court, the two companies again settled, with Hershey's Creamery agreeing to put a disclaimer on all of its ice cream products.[9]? Or what was the outcome of the 1944 Office of Price Administration lawsuit?
- Any chance for some photos of their plants?
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 13:44, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- DOH on the infobox. Flipped those numbers while typing. For Hershey Creamery vs Hershey Company, the Hershey Company article also states it was founded in 1894, on February 9, 1894 actually. It didn't build its plant until 1903 in what would be Hershey, PA. I haven't found out the resolution of the 1944 suit yet. Will work on fixing the rest after work. I've been trying to find some GFDL images for the company, at least for the central location or something, but so far I haven't found any. Know anyone in PA? :D -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 14:41, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- I think the article is well done and should pass GA easily once it is cleaned up a bit. I checked Flickr and found nothing. I do not get to Dauphin County very often or I would try to get a picture. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:47, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks. I'll make the other corrections today. I posted a note over at the Pennsylvania project to see if anyone there might be able to go take a picture. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 19:31, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- I think I addressed the confusion issues and most everything else except tweaking the lead, doing a CE, and finding the resolution of that lawsuit. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 03:23, 8 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks. I'll make the other corrections today. I posted a note over at the Pennsylvania project to see if anyone there might be able to go take a picture. -- AnmaFinotera (talk · contribs) 19:31, 7 January 2009 (UTC)
- I think the article is well done and should pass GA easily once it is cleaned up a bit. I checked Flickr and found nothing. I do not get to Dauphin County very often or I would try to get a picture. Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:47, 7 January 2009 (UTC)