Wikipedia:Peer review/Brothers Home/archive1

Brothers Home

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Hello, fellow editors. Despite it being home to one of the worst cases of human rights abuses in South Korean history, the article for Brothers Home had been in a poor state ([1]) since its creation in 2016. I have been working on it for about a month, and major sections of the article are still in progress. While I would love to see the article GA nominated, it is still far from meeting all its criteria.

As the center has only gathered interest in Western media in recent years, many sources are inevitably in Korean. I will notify Wikiproject Korea with the PR, but any commentary, whether it'd be on formatting, references, or style, will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, 00101984hjw (talk) 06:37, 14 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for working on this article! Truly horrifying, but I'm glad someone has taken the time to write about it. Made some minor tweaks and copyediting changes myself.

Questions

...and has been nicknamed "Korea's Auschwitz" by various Korean media outlets. — Is there a reason this is bolded?
...which enabled municipalities and their local police departments to facilitate vagrants independently. — What is meant by "facilitate" here?
Likewise, the city of Busan arrested and detained numerous people who were seen on the streets via its local police, identifying them as vagrants. — Not 100% clear what this means. Is it that they detained random "panhandlers, abandoned or orphaned children, and [disabled people]"?
Park took legal action against Kang for false accusation, and Kang was sentenced to eight months in prison on December 23, 1982. — Would "false accusation" be better phrased as "defamation"? Or was it something else in this context?
The European countries included Belgium, Germany, Netherlands, Norway, Denmark. — What are "the European countries" in this case? What specifically makes these countries relevant here?
The Truth and Reconciliation Commission began investigating the scandal in 2022. — Wasn't this already mentioned earlier? Or is this a specific sub-investigation about the adoption/human trafficking cases?
The military leaders were linked to the agencies' board members... — How?
...they wanted to... decrease South Korea's population. — Why?
Denmark was one of the recipients of the Korean adoptees sold by Korea Social Service and Holt Children's Services. — Is there a reason Denmark is singled out here when it was already mentioned earlier in the paragraph?

Suggestions

During its operation, it held 20 factories and thousands of people who were rounded up off of the street, homeless people, some of whom were children, in addition to college students who were protesting the regime. → The facility contained 20 factories and housed thousands of people, including homeless adults and children taken from the streets, along with student protesters who opposed the government.
Only 10% of internees were actually homeless. — The relevance of this sentence isn't immediately clear. Something should probably be added to the lead to make it clear that the camp was created to detain vagrants.
Starting around 1960, major cities such as Seoul, Busan, Daegu, Daejeon, and Gwangju began the construction of 'vagrant detention facilities'. — Links to the cities?
In some cases, unattended children were taken into police custody unbeknownst to their parents or guardians. → In some cases, police took unattended children into custody without their parents' or guardians' knowledge.
In August 1982, a man with the surname Kang submitted a petition to various government organizations and local police to request an investigation into the human rights abuses his brother had experienced while being detained at Brothers Home. → In August 1982, a man with the surname Kang submitted a petition asking the government and police to investigate his brother's mistreatment while held at Brothers Home.
To reduce costs for administration, one inmate was nominated and authorized as the "commander", who was just under facility director Park In-geun. — To reduce administrative costs, one inmate was chosen as the "commander" of the facility, working directly under director Park In-geun.
For instance, the entire platoon would be beaten or tortured over the mistake of a single member. → In some cases, the entire platoon would be beaten or tortured over the mistake of a single member.
From the mid to late 1900s, around 200,000 South Korean children, most of whom were girls, were adopted overseas as part of what is believed to be the biggest adoptee diaspora in the world. — From the mid-to-late 1990s, about 200,000 South Korean children, mostly girls, were sent abroad for adoption. It is now believed that they constitute the largest diasporic adoptee population in the world.
This was a major human rights violation by the military dictatorship... — I would remove this clause. It potentially violates WP:NPOV, and it's pretty clear that it was a human rights violation. The reader can draw that conclusion on their own without being told.
Pastor Lim Young-soon and Director Park In-kyun (a former boxer and soldier)... — I see it's partially explained further down, but could Lim and Park's specific protestant affiliations be explained earlier? Their relevance to the passage is initially unclear.
Park In-guen was eventually sentenced to two and a half years in prison only for embezzlement. → Park In-guen was eventually sentenced to two-and-a-half years in prison, not for the human rights abuses at Brothers, but for embezzlement.
"Brothers Home" and "Brothers' Home" are used inconsistently throughout the article. Since the title is "Brothers Home", that's probably what should be used.
Oxford commas are also used inconsistently. Their use should be consistent throughout the article, whether they are included or excluded.

Again, thanks for your work on the article and I hope this helps! Spookyaki (talk) 23:09, 16 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]