Wikipedia:Peer review/Appaloosa/archive1
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because Wikipedia:WikiProject Equine would like to take this article to FAC at some point, and would welcome suggestions on how best to do this. Probably needs some checking for jargon also.
Thanks, Ealdgyth - Talk 15:45, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 01:34, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Nicely illustrated article with a lot of information - here are my suggestions for improvement (mostly polish, a few more serious):
- Expand the lead to three paragraphs - could probably just split up the current lead and perhaps add a bit. See WP:LEAD
- I've expanded it to two paragraphs and added a bit more information. Not sure if it should be longer? Dana boomer (talk) 19:19, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
Any way to avoid "breed" three times in this sentence: However, a small number of dedicated breeders kept the breed alive for several decades until a breed registry was formed in 1938. ?- Done Dana boomer (talk) 13:44, 30 May 2008 (UTC)- Needs a copyedit - "the the" in the lead, for example
Per WP:HEAD do not repeat the title in the headers, and do not use "The" so "The Appaloosa and the Nez Perce people" could just be "Nez Perce people" perhaps- Done Dana boomer (talk) 20:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)Why "in general" in Horses in general had reached the Pacific Northwest by 1700. ?- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 20:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)Images should be all set to thumb width to allow reader width preferences to take over. See WP:MOS#IMages- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 20:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)- Image:AppyPlate.jpg has a bad license - it is the work of a state government, not the US govt and is almost certainly not free.
- Removed image.Dana boomer (talk) 18:15, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
- Also do not sandwich text between images please
- Moved images around a little bit. I'm not sure if the article is maybe a little image heavy, especially in the breed characteristics section? Dana boomer (talk) 20:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
Avoid Today for stats likely to become outdated, use the year instead - Today, the Appaloosa breed is one of America's most popular breeds and there are over 670,000 Appaloosas registered by the ApHC.[23]- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 13:44, 30 May 2008 (UTC)Awkward - I know what is meant but there has to be a better way to say it: Appaloosas can have brown, blue or hazel eyes, and may have eyes of [two?] different colors.[26]- Done Dana boomer (talk) 13:44, 30 May 2008 (UTC)Jargon - explain or wikilink if possible The physical conformation- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 18:15, 30 May 2008 (UTC)Please provide other units for furlongs - middle distance horse races up to 8 furlongs.[29] {{convert}} works well here.- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 19:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)- Try for concise captions - for example This photograph shows the difference between a Pinto horse and a Leopard Appaloosa. The Pinto is on the left, the Appaloosa on the right. could be A Pinto horse (left) has different markings than a Leopard Appaloosa (right).
- Shortened up a few, though they could probably use some more tweaking.Dana boomer (talk) 20:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)
A few places need refs - the five recognized spotting patterns (assume it is [32] again, but should have a ref at the end of all that, at least. Also Appaloosas are also crossbred with a number of gaited horse breeds in an attempt to create a leopard-spotted ambling horse. Because the ensuing offspring are not eligible for ApHC registration, their owners are forming a number of new breed registries to promote gaited horses with spotted coats.- Done. Dana boomer (talk) 19:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)- There are a few very brief sections - do Nez Perce horse breeding today and Influence on other breeds really need their own sections or could they be combined with others - better flow of the article.
- Moved "influence on other breeds" into "uses" section. Not sure what to do with the "Nez Perce horse breeding" one...could it possibly be put into the "influence on other breeds" section, since it's mainly talking about the new breed that they've created using the Appy? Dana boomer (talk) 18:17, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
Current Ref 67 needs a source - The PHBA does not allow Lasix within 24 hours of show. Only allows Acetazolamide for HYPP horses and seems incomplete as is.- Done.Dana boomer (talk) 19:12, 9 June 2008 (UTC)
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:27, 27 May 2008 (UTC)