Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Randy Travis/archive1

Randy Travis

Featured article candidates/Randy Travis/archive1

Nominator(s): Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 05:41, 17 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Randy Travis is of the most iconic country music singers and a leader in the neotraditional country genre; he also has a fascinating backstory regarding how he handled losing his singing ability to a stroke. I recently re-wrote the entire thing top to bottom, getting it successfully to GA and featured in DYK. It's one of my longer and more exhaustively sourced contributions, so I feel it might have the goods to become my first ever FA. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 05:41, 17 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Don't use fixed px size

File:Randytravis.jpg: source link is dead. Nikkimaria (talk) 05:30, 18 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Nikkimaria: Done. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 20:46, 18 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Placeholder

I'll take a look at this one over the next few days -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:21, 19 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments

There's five consecutive sentences in the second paragraph which use his surname. Suggest alternating with "he" for variety
"Travis released "Where That Came From", his first studio recording since his stroke, where his voice was" => "Travis released "Where That Came From", his first studio recording since his stroke, for which his voice was"
"Travis also holds several film and television acting roles" - not sure "holds" really works here. Maybe "undertook"?
The "biography" section only covers the first 18 or so years of his life so I don't think that's an appropriate heading. "Early life" would be better.
"Randy's then-future wife" - just "Randy's future wife" is sufficient, the context is clear
"After doing so, he began to hold a conversation with Hatcher" - I think "After doing so, he held a conversation with Hatcher " is fine
" under the custody of the Hatchers" - only one Hatcher has been mentioned, which other Hatchers were there? -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 16:30, 20 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@ChrisTheDude: I think I've addressed your issues up to here. The 1990 Cusic book does not clarify who else was in the Hatcher household at the time and just says "the Hatchers", so I changed it to just mention Lib as she's the only notable Hatcher in that context. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 22:33, 20 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

More comments

"His first contract with them resulted in the recording of four songs. These were "Prairie Rose", "On the Other Hand", "Carrying Fire", and "Reasons I Cheat"." => "His first contract with them resulted in the recording of four songs: "Prairie Rose", "On the Other Hand", "Carrying Fire", and "Reasons I Cheat"."
"For this capacity," - don't think "capacity" is really the right word here. Maybe just lose those three words completely?
"Next was Travis's twelfth number-one "Forever Together"," => "Next was Travis's twelfth number one, "Forever Together","
"AllMusic writer Thom Owens said of Full Circle, "his mid-'90s albums suffered from a tendency to sound a bit too similar too each other." - second "too" is spelt incorrectly, also there's no closing quote mark
"the first performances with Dupré cut back to three concerts" => "the first performances with Dupré were cut back to three concerts"
"For much of his career, Travis was managed by Elizabeth "Lib" Hatcher, a former nightclub owner." - I don't think you need to restate this, as it was covered above. Maybe just start this section with "Travis and Hatcher lived togrther..."
Some of the last paragraph of "personal life" feels like it overlaps with the last part of the "career" section and might fit better there......?
That's all I got on the rest of the article - nice work! -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 16:24, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Support -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 10:28, 23 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Hawkeye7

Looks pretty good. But some comments to prove I read it:

"Travis wrote "I Told You So" by himself in 1982 around the time he attempted to sign with Curb Records. Monk had also submitted the song to Lee Greenwood at that time, although he declined it. Both Darrell Clanton and Barbara Mandrell had recorded the song as well," "Also" seems out of place here, and "as well" is a poor choice of words, as on first reading it seems to refer to Greenwood. Consider re-wording.
"Overall, Always & Forever and its singles accounted for a number of award wins and nominations" "Overall" seems out of place here, and I know some editors hate "a number of", preferring "several" or "numerous"
"It also accounted for Travis's second consecutive Grammy Award". It was his first consecutive
Didn't Travis sing "Forever and Ever, Amen" at the 30th Grammy Awards?
"and Clint Eastwood" ??? Clint Eastwood?
"Next was Travis's twelfth number-one" Break paragraph before here (and comma after "one")
"Jackson also co-wrote ... while Travis also co-wrote" repetition here, and "also" is unnecessary. Consider re-wording
"Travis said that he intentionally wrote more songs for the album than previous ones, as he had fewer tour dates and thus had more time to focus on songwriting." That makes it sound like it was not intentional
Consider moving the two paragraphs about his stroke from Personal life up to 2013–present
"Another singer who cites Travis as an influence" We haven't said that Singletary does, so no first one has been cited yet.
"Travis and his wife selected Dupré" You haven't introduced her yet, so the reader might think you are referring to Hatcher
You have to admire a couple who live together for twenty years and then divorce on the grounds of incompatibility.
"On January 31, 2013," This is out of chronological order.
"Video of the incident was aired on the Investigation Discovery program Exposed: Naked Crimes on December 26, 2023." Citation required here.

That's all! Have a merry Christmas! Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:56, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@ChrisTheDude: @Hawkeye7: I think I got everything up to here. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 22:59, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]