User talk:Genericusername57/Archive 1

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Your review on Berlioz

Hi Genericusername57, I've been watching with admiration your review on Berlioz. Detailed, sympathetic to the subject and always 'on point', it is a very good example of exactly what an excellent review should be. Thank you for it - and I suspect the main editor of the article, Tim riley, would echo those thoughts.

I currently have the article on Shergar going through an FAC review. Should you have time or interest, I would be delighted to hear your thoughts on the article, but do not worry if you don't have time or enough interest in the subject matter. All the best - SchroCat (talk) 20:24, 25 October 2018 (UTC)

I second SchroCat's thoughts: it is marvellous to have a reviewer so literate and so thorough. But beware: if word gets around, everyone will want to you review his or her article. Tim riley talk 20:59, 25 October 2018 (UTC)

		The Reviewer Barnstar
		So let that be a warning! Tim riley talk 21:07, 25 October 2018 (UTC)

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Proxy links

Hello! I've seen you request a few requests at the Resource Exchange in regards to proxy links. I'm curious if you're working through a category that has them or manually searching. Either way, I'm interested in helping if you wish :) --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 03:33, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

Hi MrLinkinPark333, I've been manually searching for ezproxy links: it seems that the vast majority of the ~1200 results for insource:ezproxy were mistakenly inserted by university students. Most of them are very straightforward to fix: the link points to JSTOR or to doi.org, or the citation includes the title and author. The ones I've had more trouble with are the bare urls to ebsco, proquest, gale etc--I'm grateful to you and the other volunteers at WP:RX for chasing down citations for me. Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 12:48, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

@Genericusername57: Wow, that's a lot of dedication! I would suggest applying for accounts at Wikipedia:The Wikipedia Library for EBSCO and Gale if you haven't already. Unfortunately, TWL doesn't have ProQuest but I have access to it via my local library. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 23:04, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

Gene Hackman

Hey, thanks for your advice on William Parsons. Do you think you can give me feedback on ways to fix the Gene Hackman article?? I've been doing some work on it so I'd like to know your opinion on how to improve that article too. JC7V (talk) 23:52, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

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Indiggo

@Genericusername57: To show my thanks for a thorough review, I went through your article. I didn't look at your sources. After you corrected my cite check of a Romanian language source, I didn't feel the need. I could use your help. Of course, I'll help you on Jim Towey. (Nice point about not listing the names of non-notable children. Since I got the names from the article, maybe you need to consider taking the names out.)

See User talk:Gen. Quon#Promoting Indiggo to FA and User talk:Tony1#"Occasionally brilliant" prose. Will you help me figure out what "occasionally brilliant" prose is and how I can apply it to Indiggo? Since you're taking your Jim Towey rapidly up the quality scale, the answer to this question benefits you. A win-win. You can answer here. Best to leave a discussion in one place for future reference. Vyeh (talk) 20:09, 24 October 2018 (UTC)

• @Vyeh: Would you like me to move my comments over to the peer review page? Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 18:29, 15 November 2018 (UTC)

@Genericusername57: Wow! Thank you! Please move your comments to the peer review page. That will make it easier for future editors to find. Is there a particularly passage you could rewrite to show me what you mean by more ornate? An example would help me better understand what you mean. Vyeh (talk) 17:55, 20 November 2018 (UTC)

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Jim Towey

Let me know if you want help rewriting Jim Towey. As I understand it, one has to stay close to sources without being too close. Thanks for looking at Indiggo given the status of Jim Towey. Vyeh (talk) 01:56, 29 October 2018 (UTC)

Thank you, I don't think the rewrite will be too bad--I'm just cutting out everything I didn't write myself, which isn't much at this point. I am a bit ticked off that I didn't notice the copyvio earlier--apparently, back in 2010, a now-banned account made several attempts at copying-and-pasting press releases, one of which was allowed to remain. I cut out the lines that were obviously no good and put it up for revdel, but an admin thought it needed more work--and looking through it again, I'm inclined to agree. Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 10:59, 29 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi, Vyeh, I've succeeded in removing the last traces of the copyvio'd press release and getting the article reinstated. I think that I've also managed to address most of the issues you brought up in the peer review:

External links: I removed the section altogether--there was nothing in it worth keeping.

Lead section: Rearranged as suggested (and substantially rewritten).

Legal counsel for Mother Teresa: I've trimmed that section down for now; I have a number of sources on the major legal issues he dealt with for her, but haven't had a chance to put together a paragraph on that yet. He also sued the US Government during his time at AMU because the HHS was trying to make the university pay for its employees' contraception; the article really should have some info on that, but I don't yet know enough about the issue as a whole to throw together anything adequate.

Aging with Dignity: I did more research, found that he was the co-author, added info on that.

'Death book' op-ed: Clarified as per your suggestion. I'm also thinking of adding something more about the VA's response to his criticisms.

Saint Vincent's College: I had been hesitant to touch the Gruber controversy part, as there seemed to be a pre-existing consensus about a contentious subject; you were right, though, that it was irrelevant to an article about Towey. With the controversy section gone and the copyvios removed, the SVC section is a bit sparse—I've done a bit more research about Towey's years at the college, but I haven't found much that's noteworthy.

Rift statement: I decided to rename the section and refer to it as 'the statement' throughout, to make the presentation more accessible to people who weren't already familiar with the Viganò affair and its fallout.

See also: Removed altogether.

Thank you again for your helpful suggestions. I'll keep looking through Indiggo; if anything else in Jim Towey strikes you as particularly in need of improvement, please let me know.Genericusername57 (talk) 01:26, 1 November 2018 (UTC)

I see the copyright problem has been removed by eliminating all revisions that had material from SVCeditor. (The talk page User Talk:SVCeditor was interesting.) Since you closed the peer review, I'll make my comments here:

The article looks nice. In the DHRS subsection, you have a red link "John Armstrong". I think the official policy is that red links are okay if there is a chance that an article will be written. I doubt that is the case here. I would just say "John Armstrong".

In the AMU subsection, you have a sub subsection heading, "Response to Viganò". I would suggest, "Controversial response to Archbishop Viganò" to better capture the significance of Towey's actions.Vyeh (talk) 01:15, 1 November 2018 (UTC)

Hi, Vyeh, I was vaguely considering writing an Armstrong article myself--I seem to have cornered the market on relatively obscure Florida government officials. I'll take down the redlink for now, though. I'm reluctant to characterise the Towey statement in any way that could be taken as POV; half of the news articles call it a defense of Francis, and the other half an attack on Vigano, so I thought that a reasonable, neutral middle ground would be to just call it a response. Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 01:26, 1 November 2018 (UTC)

IMO, "controversial" is factual, meaning there is a significant (more than fringe) difference of opinion. I think the fact that half your RS said it was a defense and the other half said it was an attack supports that the response was controversial. I feel more strongly about including "Archbishop." I think it is significant when the president of a Catholic University responds to a Catholic Church official.

For the SVC section, can't you use the facts (not the expression, which would be a copyvio) in the SVC sources? Vyeh (talk) 20:04, 2 November 2018 (UTC)

I've added 'Archbishop', per your suggestion; I went back and forth on 'controversial', but decided not to include it, both because of WP:LABEL (The reliable sources don't label it as 'controversial', even though they cover the controversy surrounding it) and because the Wikipedia treatment of the original Vigano letter doesn't call that one controversial either. I'm still doing research on the backlash, though, and might add something more about the alumni response. I've been trying to find info from SVC about the specifics of his work there, but it's all been removed from the SVC website, so I've been slowly and painfully making my way through a whole mess of wayback machine archives. Thank you again for your helpful recommendations. Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 13:12, 5 November 2018 (UTC)

Your reasoning about "controversial" is sound. I looked at your section by section analysis of my PR above. You've addressed my points. I did another read of the article. In the first sentence of AMU, where he took over for NH, I noticed there was no footnote. In your use of ellipsis ('...'), I noticed that you don't put a space between the period of the previous sentence and the ellipsis, leading to '....' I believe it should be '. ...' Let me know if you find an answer to our difference of style in WP MOS! Vyeh (talk) 17:04, 7 November 2018 (UTC)

Lead

• "Harry James Towey II (/ˈtuːi/; born 1 October 1956[1]), better known as Jim Towey, served as Director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives (OFBCI) from February 2002 to May 2006. During his tenure at the OFBCI, Towey sought to remove impediments to faith-based social service organizations receiving government funding.' --> "Jim Towey (/ˈtuːi/; Harry James Towey II; born 1 October 1956[1]), was Director of the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives (OFBCI) from February 2002 to May 2006. At the OFBCI, Towey removed barriers for faith-based social service organizations receiving government funding." (I prefer fewer words. Take what you like [or none]. I want to illustrate what I mean.)
• "Towey was appointed secretary of the Florida Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services by Governor Lawton Chiles in 1993, and ousted by the Florida Senate in 1995." --> "Towey was secretary of the Florida Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services from 1993 to 1995." (My opinion. I prefer active voice. Governor Lawton Chiles and the Florida Senate can wait until the body).
• "In 1996, he founded Aging with Dignity, a nonprofit advocacy organization for senior citizens, and coauthored the end-of-life planning document Five Wishes." --> "He was the president[?] of Aging with Dignity, a nonprofit advocacy organization for senior citizens which he founded, from 1996 to 2002 and coauthored Five Wishes, an end-of-life planning document." (Again, suggestions. Every other sentence is [office] from beginning to end date.)

Background and personal life

• I suggest Background or Personal life.
• --> "Towey was born on 1 October 1956 in _______."
• "Towey is a 1974 graduate of Bishop Kenny High School in Jacksonville, Florida." --> "Towey graduated in 1974 from Bishop Kenny High School in Jacksonville, Florida."
• "In addition to his studies, he participated in the FSU men's basketball program for all seven years as a student manager and graduate assistant." --> "He was a student manager and a graduate assistant in the FSU men's basketball program during his seven years at FSU."
• "He met his wife, Mary, while volunteering for the Missionaries of Charity; the two married in 1992 and have five children." --> "He met his wife, Mary, at the Missionaries of Charity; they married in 1992 and have five children."

Political career

Aide to Hatfield (1982–88) and Chiles (1990–91)

• I'd suggest breaking this up to Legislative director (1982-88) and Liaison to religious communities (1990-91)
• "Towey worked for Oregon Senator Mark Hatfield as legislative director and legal counsel between 1982 and 1988." --> "Towey was legislative director and legal counsel for Oregon Senator Mark Hatfield from 1982 to 1988."
• "Towey shared Hatfield's support for the pro-life movement." --> "Like Hatfield, Towey supports the pro-life movement."
• "According to Lionel Rosenblatt, a member of the State Department's Bureau of Refugee Programs and advocate for Indochinese refugees, Towey's work for Hatfield prompted the White House to issue a 1983 National Security Study Directive ordering the review of refugee applications previously rejected by the Immigration and Naturalization Service." --> "Lionel Rosenblatt, a member of the State Department's Bureau of Refugee Programs and an advocate for Indochinese refugees, said Towey prompted the White House 1983 National Security Study Directive ordering the review of refugee applications rejected by the Immigration and Naturalization Service."
• "In 1990, after almost two years spent volunteering for the Missionaries of Charity, Towey reentered the political sphere as aide to Lawton Chiles, the newly elected governor of Florida.[5] He later recalled having to borrow a belt for the job interview: his stint working at an AIDS hospice had left him with few personal possessions.[5] He assisted Chiles as a liaison to religious communities." --> "Towey was liaison to religious communities for newly elected Florida governor Lawton Chiles from 1990 to 1991.[5] He borrowed a belt for the job interview: he had few personal possessions after two years volunteering at an AIDS hospice for the Missionaries of Charity [insert internal link to the legal counsel for Mother Theresa section].[5]"

I plan to look at the following sections. Let me emphasize that these are suggestions. I like your writing and appreciate the insight you have provided on Indiggo. My experience is that regardless of whether you take my suggestions, the suggestions may help you relook at wording that your eyes tend to pass over because you've read through the words a hundred times. Vyeh (talk) 19:19, 20 November 2018 (UTC)

Congratulations on the C Class rating. I'm happy my peer review words have been vindicated!, "You've done an excellent job in the nine days since my initial comments. You could ask for a review from the two wikiprojects listed on the talk page. I imagine that after some requests for revisions, the article would easily make C Class ... Vyeh (talk) 19:37, 24 October 2018 (UTC)" How did you ask for a rating? Did the rater indicate what needs to be done for B class? (So I can focus on those issues.) Vyeh (talk) 21:08, 20 November 2018 (UTC)

Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services (1991–95)

• "... Towey worked to provide food stamps to those displaced by the storm.[16]" --> "... Towey provided food stamps and medical services to storm victims.[16]" (I looked at the reference [16]. He sent mobile units to the "afflicted neighborhoods", which took food stamp applications and administered vaccinations and other medical services. "Afflicted neighborhoods" sounds like the people serviced were still in their homes.)
• "Under Towey, the HRS instituted a policy of denying foster care and other services to abused or abandoned undocumented minors, while the state of Florida pursued a lawsuit against the federal government for costs associated with illegal immigration.[17] " --> "Under Towey, the HRS denied foster care and other services to abused or abandoned undocumented minors and Florida sued the federal government for costs of illegal immigration.[17] "
• 'Towey defended this policy as necessary to deter asylum-seekers and to ensure adequate care for citizen children, telling The New York Times in 1994, "We can only care as much as the money we are given."[18]' --> 'Towey said these denials deterred asylum-seekers and ensured adequate care for citizen children, "We can only care as much as the money we are given."[18]'
• "Towey was removed from office in 1995, after the Florida State Senate refused to reconfirm his appointment.[5][19]" --> "Towey left office in 1995, after the Florida State Senate did not reconfirm him.[5][19]"
• "Towey's ouster, while not unprecedented, was unusual: he was the first governor's appointee since 1975 to be rejected by the senate.[20] The next agency head to be removed by the senate was John Armstrong, the state Surgeon General, in 2016.[19]" --> "Towey was the first governor's appointee since 1975 to be rejected by the senate.[20] The next agency head removed by the senate was John Armstrong, the state Surgeon General, in 2016.[19]"

Vyeh (talk) 19:22, 27 November 2018 (UTC)

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March 2019

Please stop disruptive reverts when information is being made accurate. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 82.5.144.162 (talk) 13:52, 5 March 2019 (UTC)

Pendleton/Eccles/Salford

You have reverted my changes for Pendleton Sixth Form College and Eccles Sixth Form College but these two organisations are still operational, not closed, and not under 'Salford City College' — Preceding unsigned comment added by 82.5.144.162 (talk) 14:20, 5 March 2019 (UTC)

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Detransition

I couldn't help but notice the addition of the cartoon character to the Detransition article. And while I don't yet have an opinion on that change, I wish to ask that you not perceive Detransition as a "medical article" (as you stated here). Detransition is a social phenomenon that includes medical (and other) issues. Thank you for considering this, and thank you also very much for your contributions to the fledging page. A145GI15I95 (talk) 07:21, 16 March 2019 (UTC)

Also, I'd like to voice a very warm word of thanks in general for your recent contributions both to the Detransition article and to its talk page. You've kept a cool head, and your actions genuinely seem focused on honest, accurate, and appropriate development, improvement, and expansion of content. Thank you. A145GI15I95 (talk) 19:59, 17 March 2019 (UTC)