User talk:Dianaboli18/sandbox

Prof Garcia's Comments

WOW DIANA! This is amazing! I think that several of your pieces for consideration may be worthless, but that is fine. Remember to skim, skim, skim! And also to take a look at the bibliographies for useful pieces there. I think that you've done a great job here, however, and I commend you for all this work. Great job! =) Time to start skimming!

Prof Garcia's Comments

This comment is for Week 6 assignment. Well done, Diana! The only thing is that you MUST cite your sources in the paragraphs that you are adding. Your whole paragraph on what a closed community is, what examples there are, etc, is very good, but it has no citations! This is absolutely essential for Wikipedia. What is more, it will be hard for you to go back and add the citations later when you've forgotten where you got the info from, etc. Alfgarciamora (talk) 11:47, 12 October 2016 (UTC)

@Dianaboli18: You've done an exceptional job moving a lot of stuff to the mainspace, Diana. As you move forward over the next couple of weeks, try and organize and structure your page so that it looks like a fully edited Wikipedia page. Take a look at other Wikipedia pages that look excellent and try to make yours look like those. The lead section, for instance, should only be one or two sentences long. And then you should have a more structured table of contents. I think that you have done all the research you need to do. Now you just have to edit, structure, organize, and parse down the writing! Alfgarciamora (talk) 16:34, 4 November 2016 (UTC)

Peer review by Robert

I really enjoyed your page and how organized it is. I read your leading section and then I read the leading section of the current Closed community page and was impressed to see that little to no wording was copied and pasted. What was also really impressive was to see the improvement in wording, amount of information, and overall quality of the page to your draft! The current page states: "The concept of defining a community is still out in the open.", but I feel you do an outstanding job of defining a closed community. It's really nice to see that you went off of what the author(s) of the page and decided to include Frederic Clements in your draft (and going the extra step by making a hyperlink to his page). I also appreciate the various types of closed communities included on your page, however, I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. To elaborate, I'll see your page and see the great lead section about a closed community, and then I'll see the development of closed community, and then I'm going to see a lot of examples of closed communities...I'm not sure if the page being mostly comprised of examples of closed communities is a good thing or a bad thing. And I can also be wrong about the direction that you're going to take with the page. Nevertheless, I can't wait to check back and see the progress you've made, because the page is taking a great direction.

I have a few small criticisms and questions. You say: "Communities can also include countries (Russia), cities (Vatican City), civilizations (Aztec), and camps (Refugee camp)." Giving small examples of closed communities is great, but I think this could be structured better, possibly like:

Communities can also include: Countries like Russia Cities like the Vatican City Civilizations like the Aztec Camps like Refugee camp So yeah. I was also confused as to what you meant by your section of "Development". Do you mean development of a closed community? The development of the term, closed community? Or how the first closed community came to be and its evolution to the modern day community?

Your page is great. Good luck! Rroja042 (talk) 22:04, 18 October 2016 (UTC)

I just thought of something else. Japan exercised this policy that closed off its doors to foreigners, turning it into a "closed community" I guess? I'm not too sure about the actual policy, but here's the wikipedia page: Sakoku. Hope it helps! <---------------IMPORTANT (POSSIBLY)

P.S. Sorry that I made this entry on your sandbox if it bothers you; I forgot we had talk pages on our sandboxes. Rroja042 (talk) 02:48, 19 October 2016 (UTC)

Hi!! Thank you for your feedback, i accommodated/fixed up my article and took your criticism into consideration!! Thanks for your help! i didn't notice before that you left a peer review! no worries I'm moved it to the talk page!! see you class! @Rroja042: --Dianaboli18 (talk) 06:16, 19 October 2016 (UTC)