User talk:Deena.husami
This user is a student editor in George_Washington_University/AmWriting_Fall_2018_M_11_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Deena.husami, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:21, 29 November 2018 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! Here are my notes. Most of these are more style related and are more fine tuning rather than making any huge changes.
- This sentence seems a bit like a run on- is there a way to rephrase this?
- In order to be able to produce content at a quality level competitive with the non-Turkish shows that were gaining popularity in Turkey, more money was needed so expanding internationally helped make-up for that deficit.
- I wouldn't use the word "suddenly" in the last paragraph, as it works better without it and sudden can be a bit of a judgement call, since it may end up coming about that MBC had been planning it for a while. Also be careful of terms like many, as this can be a bit vague. It would be better to specify it a little more or attribute it, such as "According to Nick Vivarelli of Variety,..." or "Some, such as Nick Vivarelli, ...". In this case I'd just attribute it since it isn't clear whether or not Vivarelli himself believes this or if he's just reporting what he found to be widely believed.
- Pay very specific attention to phrasing. In the draft you have the sentence "Netflix is the only streaming platform to buy Turkish Television dramas", however a look at the source shows that Vivarelli stated that "Also, with the exception of Netflix, which has already purchased robust packages of dizi content, streaming platforms haven’t really bought Turkish dramas yet."
- This means that there may be other streaming platforms that have purchased Turkish shows, so Netflix may not be the only one - however it does look like they're the only one to purchase a sizable amount of Turkish television shows. I'd still be careful on how this is phrased since there are multiple streaming platforms out there, so I'd attribute this to Vivarelli as a safety precaution, just in case someone disputes this by stating that this or that international streaming platform shows Turkish television shows. I'd write it more like "According to Nick Vivarelli of Variety, Netflix is the only streaming platform to buy substantial amounts of Turkish television series."
- With the Latin America section, I'd switch the content around a little and move the paragraph about why Turkish shows are popular in Latin America to the top, since it will serve as a good introduction to the section. If possible, it would be good to flesh the other information out, but this isn't absolutely necessary if you're short on time.
I hope that this helps! I do like the sourcing you're using - they're all definitely usable for this topic area! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:28, 29 November 2018 (UTC)