User talk:AJAndes/sandbox

Peer Review:

The author aimed to supply an encyclopedic introduction to sweetened beverages. They introduced and defined non-nutritive sweeteners, being sure to include the reasoning behind these substances. The author discusses two different research articles regarding non-nutritive sweeteners and cardiovascular disease and influence of the household and media. Finally, a subheading titled Policy provided information about relatively current government regulations.

Overall, this is an informative article and seems to introduce new content to Wikipedia! A couple of formatting things – I think discussion of research in each of the first two subheadings (non-nutritive sweeteners and influence of the household and media) should be split into separate paragraphs. For example, it may be beneficial to introduce NNSs and explain why they exist, and then start a new paragraph before continuing on to the research regarding cardiovascular disease. Another point is in regards to citations. I think the more citations, the better in this instance. If uploading sentences individually to the actual Wikipedia page, other editors will likely be more apt to accept edits if cited thoroughly. In addition (I’m sure you’re planning to!), be sure to link references via the insert reference function. Lastly, I think it would be beneficial to link out to other Wikipedia pages (again, I’m sure you have thought about this).

Then a few little edits, the third sentence in the ‘Influence of the Household and Media’ feels a bit awkward. Maybe Start the sentence with, “In a study performed in (year), researchers aimed to answer..” or something of that sort. And then one last citation comment, I think you definitely need a citation after the final sentences in the policy section.

EKeller (talk) 17:47, 1 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review (Karkera):

The author is attempting to write about sweetened beverages, any beverage with sugar in it that has been linked to negative health effects such as obesity and and weight gain. This article covers topics such as Non-Nutritive Sweeteners (as they compare to Sugar Sweetened Beverages) and the consumption rates of sugar sweetened beverages in the United States. The author also ties in the way adults and the media influence the eating habits of children, as they look to these sources for understanding of what constitutes "good" beverages.

The author used a sufficient number of sources and included a good breadth of information and studies about sweetened beverages. This is important information to be introduced into Wikipedia, which is why I would suggest the inclusion of more specific brands and products that fall under SSB and NNS beverages, in order to drive home to point of how prevalent they are in our culture's current eating habits. By not including specific beverage brand names, the material of this article remains a little more abstract. I think adding the visual and the see also section was a very good choice, as this connects this article to the larger context of articles in Wikipedia, and I would ask that the author expanded a little more on their general ideas and conclusions about sweetened beverages rather than quoting specific statistics, as this fits the style of writing slightly better.

But other than that, I really enjoyed this article, and I look forward to reading the final product!

Karkeraa (talk) 01:42, 7 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]