Template:Did you know nominations/Jane Frances Winn

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:08, 29 September 2017 (UTC)

Jane Frances Winn

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Jane Frances Winn, from Notable Women of St. Louis, 1914

~~... that Jane Frances Winn (pictured) was a pioneer Golf writer being one of the few newspaper women to be familiar with the game in the 1900s?~~ Source: "Pioneer as Gold Writer. One of the few newspaper women twenty-five years ago, who were familiar with the game of golf she was chosen as the writer of women's sports and "covered" the principal events in which women participated." ([1])

Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/North West Cambridge Development

Created by Elisa.rolle (talk). Self-nominated at 15:17, 15 September 2017 (UTC).

I notice that the primary hook is very similar in wording to the cited source. How about ALT1: .... that Jane Frances Winn was one of the first female newspaper writers to cover golf?"

ALT2: ... that Jane Frances Winn was one of the first female newspaper writers to cover Women's Golf events? (not sure if there were women covering "men" events, but she was for sure writing for the women's sport section...) Elisa.rolle (talk) 16:00, 15 September 2017 (UTC)

Will review. Strike unwanted hooks, removed clutter. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 20:31, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Interesting newspaper woman, good sources, no copyvio obvious. The image is licensed and beautiful. - Sigh, I think the article is too long, sometimes not encyclopedic anymore, as I understand it. Sure, a bit of personal flavour adds interest, but here it's a bit hard to find the core facts. Example:

Jane Frances Winn became a journalist long before moving to St. Louis, Missouri, for she was editor of the grammar-school paper in her native town, when but twelve years of age. The "paper" was written on pages of foolscap with the name "Excelsior," with many flourishes, written each week at the top of the first page by the teacher of the system of Spencerian penmanship then in vogue. The young editor wrote all the editorials, padded the want columns and wrote a poem, as she called it, each week; but the boys of the class, because of its frequent reference to fruits and flowers, called it "vegetable" poetry. One of the so-called poems she thought very fine, it having been inspired by the history lesson on John Rogers and his family of nine children. It began "Thou zealous zealot," but was generally skipped by the discriminating readers of the little paper.

I would:

put that in chronological order: first school, then move
skip the details about how the school paper looked
drop what the boys thought about the poems, - it's no different from what boys normally think about poems
drop the number of children of her teacher, etc

You will probable arrive at two sentences, and readers who want to know about "vegetable poems" can go to the refs. This was an example. Please condense. - Not everything that is in free sources needs to copied , just because it may be copied. - Guess what else is missing for the impatient reader? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 20:55, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Gerda Arendt: I had already cut many parts from the PD, not everything was there :-) I have cut more now, and rephrased something. Now each paraghraph is for a specific event in her life, cutting more is losing info. She was quite a busy lady. Elisa.rolle (talk) 21:38, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Pleased with the school paper, lets look at the experiments:

"She made something of a revolution in the teaching of chemistry in the little High School, deciding that some practical work in analyzing a few simple salts would be of more value to pupils than dwelling so much on chemical formulas, but the board of education would not supply a laboratory for qualitative analysis, so Winn and the boys of the chemical class made one of their own." I guess you can phrase "something of a revolution" more factually (or not at all). Another is "loved so well", - when "loved" is strong, or not? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:06, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Gerda Arendt: done Elisa.rolle (talk) 22:13, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Thank you, and one para for you. Next:

"The column "Matters of Interest to Women Readers," was finished off with a paragraph, "By Way of Comment," which was always a gem, and the opinions expressed, as well as comments made on general topics."

So? I confess that tells me nothing, and "always a gem", no way ;)

"On Sundays "Women the Wide World Over" took up a half page, and was a condensed account of what women were accomplishing."

Fine. Why more: ", in what work they were progressing; in fact, their success in general all over the world. In order to keep readers in touch with their work in all parts of the country, Winn read the news stories of all the metropolitan papers each day, at least that part concerned with such work. For instance, one day in San Francisco the women were asking for the recall of a judge whom they considered to have been untrue to the trust they, as voters, reposed in him. On the same day a woman was elected member of the school board of Boston after an exciting campaign, and down in Austin, Texas, Mrs. Clara Driscoll Sevier announced that she would stay with the Legislature, if it took all summer, until the Alamo was turned over to the Daughters of the Republic of Texas. Such news stories were condensed to five and six lines and seemed to be popular, as they were copied in many of the papers of the country. The suffrage workers, the General Federation, the Daughters of the American Revolution, and other patriotic societies, were of interest, not in a sensational way, but for the great good each was accomplishing, and men as well as women were interested."

One of the examples would suffice, and it's not without irony that "were condensed to five and six lines" is in it ;) - Please try, see you tomorrow. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 22:37, 16 September 2017 (UTC)

Thank you! --Gerda Arendt (talk) 14:31, 17 September 2017 (UTC)