WP:ALBUM states "Per Wikipedia:Citing sources do not add reviews without a citation." - please format the reviews to use footnotes, not the current links (like Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall), it's easy to use the citations from the "critical reception" section
the first sentence seems overlinked, the second "the" is redundant
Removed second "the".
"The album spawned three ..." - "spawned" in unencyclopedic
Will "generated" work?
Sure.
Done.
the chart and award content is cited in the article, so there's no need for cite in lead
Done.
expand lead to properly summarize the article: include something from the sections Conception and development and Songs and themes and mention the accompanying tour
Expanded lead to include something from Conception and Tour sections.
Conception and development
Done
"admitted" bad word choice (as if he was confessing), perhaps use "stated"
Done.
"... the cancer diagnosis received by his mother (folk musician Kate McGarrigle) ..." - why not simpler/clearer state "... the cancer diagnosis of his mother, folk musician Kate McGarrigle, ..."?
Would just make for a longer sentence with numerous commas. I think that was addressed in a previous peer review or featured articles nomination, but I could be mistaken. I'd be happy to change it though if you feel it is best.
Fine, leave it.
Done.
per MOS:QUOTE "Wikipedia avoids linking from within quotes" - German Romanticism should be unlinked
Done.
perhaps state that Neil Tennant is from the Pet Shop Boys? not sure this is general knowledge
Done. Stated in lead.
Tennant gets an executive producer credit, this doesn't mean he really was executive producer - perhaps clarify by adding "credit"? how this actually was also affects how the lead is written
Tennant is identified as the executive producer in the lead, the article, the credits, and within the infobox.
"Revealing the overall theme in January 2007, Wainwright declared the album was 'just about releasing your love and your brilliance, or acting on your impulses and basically laying it all down on the line'." - can be stated shorter and more straightforward as in "in January 2007 Wainwright stated the album's theme was opening up and following impulses" (that's what I read from the article, minus the thrills, anyway)
Done.
In the Salon article mentions his discontent with America as a reason to come to Berlin, perhaps this fits in this section?
Done.
similarly I think the "environment, politics or religious warfare" could possibly be reformulated simply by stating that he states according to the article that he wants to make an impact when he still can - from the article I think he means the names stuff just as general examples and won't do any of those himself, meaning it can be condensed imo
I hate to disagree, but I think he does intend to be specific about the three issues mentioned. Around this time, Wainwright started Blackoutsabbath, an environmental organization and yearly event that focuses on energy conservation. While not a politician himself, he often participates in music events and fundraisers associated with specific political causes, the Democratic Party, or particular candidates. --Another Believer(Talk)01:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Alright.
"That was, however, until he visited Berlin, which influenced the album's classically indulgent sound." - narration, better to just state the fact that he changed his mind when visiting Berlin; classically indulgent sound must either be a citation an attributed or it's original research and needs to be removed, I can't find it in the source
"his way of limbering up for the project" - from the article it means that he trains for writing the opera with writing the album, right? so perhaps consider reformulating as such? This would also reduce the sheer amount of quotes used.
"Wainwright also invited his sister ... etc." is there a cite for that?
Perhaps "invited" is the wrong word. Really, I am just trying to list some of the musicians that appear on the album, which could be verified by the liner notes, Allmusic, or the credits section if needed. Do you have a suggestion for replacing "invited"? --Another Believer(Talk)01:28, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
I'd replace "invited" with "had" - put a suitable cite on the end of that part then.
Done.
Singles
Done
The part about "Going to Town" "quickly becoming one of Wainwright's best-selling tracks online" isn't in the source as far as I can see.
Done. Removed.
"also directed Wainwright's first music video" -> unnecessary detail.
Is the "'Low Grade Happiness' as a B-side on iTunes" anywhere in the source? Can't see it.
No, but I am not sure how else to cite the B-side since I cannot use the iTunes Music Store itself as a source and I cannot find an article from a reliable source that mentions the B-side. Any suggestion? I'd hate the remove the information since I know it is accurate. --Another Believer(Talk)03:20, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
again per MOS:QUOTE I think Martha W.'s link should be removed from "... mount their attacks and Martha Wainwright summons ...", she is also linked before
Done.
"... Wainwright admits the string arrangements ..." sounds like a confession, I suggest rewording
Done. Replaced with "stated", which also changes the tense.
The Killers can be linked directly, The Killers (band) is just a redirect
Done.
"Leaving for Paris N°" should be "Leaving for Paris No. 2" (according to Allmusic, if the cover says differently please cite it)
Done.
The blockquote about "Leaving for Paris N° 2" should not have a link in it.
Done.
Second blockquote needs links removed.
Done.
Frederick the Great is how he's called but Wiki uses Frederick II of Prussia, so I suggest linking directly
Done.
"brassy Broadway swagger" needs link removed or be reworded
Done.
in "... for 'missing the New York show' ..." the "for" I think is obsolete, the "from" already covers this, or not?
Done. Removed.
perhaps mention who considered "Going to a Town" the angriest - that's a suggestion because I myself think it's better to stick to the source when mentioning considerations
Done.
also it says in the source "may be the angriest", so perhaps qualify along the lines of "among the most angry" or something similar
Done.
it should say "perceived damage" or in another way state that this is Wainwright's opinion, otherwise it's stated matter-of-fact and can be perceived as possibly POV
Done.
"though in the guise of a love song" - imo should be stated shorter, clearer possibly without the qualifier as in "in form of a love song" - also the footnotes should be listed in order
Done and done.
The podcast website is dated May 11, 2007, the date should be included.
Done. Date information is location within article text, but doesn't seem to be displaying. Will take a look at the 'cite podcast' template.
From what I can see in the source, "Leaving for Paris N° 2" was previously released as "Leaving For Paris-live"
Per capitalization rules, will leave as "Leaving for Paris".
"Leaving for Paris N° 2" "differs" from what?
Done. Differs from the first version.
"seeing success through windows and it looking great, but then once you open the doors, it's a disaster" can imo effectively use own words - it's about success seeming like a great idea and the reality of success being different
Done.
"Wainwright later revealed ..." revealed was used right before the last blockquote and the word is used as if there was a plot, I suggest just stating the fact.
Changed "revealed" to "admitted".
I think the whole Glastonbury Festival quote is unnecessary and can easily be summarized ain that Flowers' reaction is him being flattered and bashful
Done.
"The last 30 seconds of the song contains the opening notes of the title song from Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, The Phantom of the Opera, along with a dramatic spoken word part by Siân Phillips." - the SF Weekly source doesn't contain the content, this needs to be sourced differently or removed
Really? The article mentions that both the contribution from Siân Phillips as well as a quote from Phantom of the Opera. The liner notes also cite Phillips' contribution, as does the Personnel section of the article. Also, the Petridis article could be used as a source. Should I include it as well? --Another Believer(Talk)06:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The article babbles, but it can stand for all I care - I was more worried about the "30 seconds" mention that is not in there at all - if the other article is better, use it.
The Scotland on Sunday source doesn't say the song is about his boyfriend, there is no source for the man's full name, and there is also nothing that says they visited the park often, only that they visited it
If you think the name belongs in there, sure, and reading it again, the source could be interpreted as saying the song is indirectly about the guy, so that's fine.
The Scotland on Sunday source names the guy Tony Hotpants - perhaps cite both and explain with "either/or" - meaning the quote must be replaced with a reworded statement
I'm not sure the first sentence in this form is good - you should mention who stated that in what magazine and I think the way in which it is stated sounds unencyclopedic, why not describe what the reviewer thinks about the first track, but more factual and a little more sober without the CAPSLOCK
Why not state that there's no wish to change it? It's fine.
I can't access the podcast - is it accessible otherwise?
I can access it now.
Cover art and liner notes
Done
"currently in Berlin" - "in Berlin" is enough unless there's reason to believe this won't last
there are words that seem suggest intent that I can't see in the sources, like "admit" or "concede", perhaps use simply "write", "observe" or "state"
Done.
"While she conceded ..." that sentence doesn't look like an actual sentence
Done.
"Furthermore, he noted the numerous exotic instruments used in "Do I Disappoint You" alone: ..." - "furthermore", "numerous" and "alone" are just fillwords, the sentence is just as good without them
Done.
"Kirschling admitted" - he is not making a confession
Done.
the Petridis can be reformulated shorter and more concise, removing the necessity to quote so much from him
Shortened quote, removing the made-up names and instruments.
"Äbzoltul Fäbuloz on kitchen sink" is a joke, right? another reason to reformulate
Done.
"quipped"? - the statement is strong enough on its on, I suggest letting it speak for itself
Changed "quipped" to "wrote".
Christgau doesn't single out "Between My Legs", his comment is a general comment on the album and he singles out his favourite tracks
Done.
"... declared, 'The stars will be released, in batches of fours and fives, in every review'." - why not simply state she anticipated good reviews from all publications, is clearer and doesn't require using another quote
"... attempt at creating radio-friendly music ..." the part in the source doesn't describe that as Wainwright's goal but has it as the reviewers observation that Wainwright falls short of creating a radio-friendly sound and often doesn't seem to try
I gathered from the first paragraph of the Petridis article that Wainwright was intending to create a more radio-friendly album, hence "going for the sound of cash registers". --Another Believer(Talk)01:08, 29 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Alright.
"However, the album did receive some criticism, mostly pertaining to its overly lavish and decadent style." - the qualifier "however" and the wording "lavish" and "decadent" seem like synthesis/are unsourced
Allmusic styles the songs differently at times compared to what is written here (including "Leaving for Paris N° 2" again) - cite with actual CD liner notes if the album has the used style
Again, not sure how else to cite these even though I know the information is accurate. I cannot find the bonus tracks listed in reliable, third-party sources like newspaper articles. Suggestions? --Another Believer(Talk)03:20, 19 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
See above.
Chart positions and certifications
Done
"highest debut chart position to date" should be replaced with something like "as of 2009", which won't become outdated
Per Wikipedia:Record charts: Billboard component charts should not be used in the tables, unless the song fails to enter the main chart, but appears on an airplay or sales chart.
I don't mean they have the same number but that it's both shipments, not sales.
I removed the numbers, what do they add anyway?
Awards and recognitions
Done
"to recognize and honor the mainstream media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the LGBT community and the issues that affect their lives" - too long, can be shortened (something like "LGBT representation in mainstream media"?)
is "(170)" the page of MOJO? perhaps use "p. 170" for clarity?
No. It is the issue number, and the way it displays is based on the "cite journal" template.
The Q number is "10", not "7"
Done.
"The following table displays some of the 2007 "End of Year" list placements by various publications." - following table is kind of obvious ;) and a ":" needs to be at the end
what is the Uncut best of link? to a magazine? that would need a page number
Removed information. Having trouble tracking down primary source, and not even 100% certain whether it is December 2007 issue or January 2008 issue. It's a shame to remove the information, but will for now--hoping I can add it once I can track down proper citation information. --Another Believer(Talk)06:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Harp magazine article is broken
Done. Entire Harp website seems to be broken, so information has been removed from article.
Personnel
Done
That info is from the booklet, perhaps note with an intro sentence that has a cite to it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to offer so many suggestions. I am striking out issues that have been addressed--hope you don't mind. I will be working a lot the next few days, but will do my best to make the changes as quickly as possible, but please be patient. I want the article to be as good as possible, and am more than willing to put in the time and effort. Thanks again! --Another Believer(Talk)16:39, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
b (MoS):