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Talk:Randolph Ridling

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GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Randolph Ridling/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 13:34, 1 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Will take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 13:34, 1 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Prelim

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  • No edit wars

Lede and infobox

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  • Should the postnominals be GC or AM? If he was exempted from the order, choosing to keep the AM but with the privileges of a GC, which set should be used?
  • "After studying at the University of Cambridge..." stipulate that this is after the war
  • Thoughts on adding his rank to his name in the lede? Not necessary, just noting that you've done it in past articles

Early life

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  • Onto > On to
  • "became a teacher" out of interest is there anything on what he taught/specialised in?

First World War

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  • "further promotion to sergeant major" that's a meteoric rise! is there any note on why/how he was promoted so quickly?
  • Assuming NZ forces used WO2/WO1, which was Ridling?
  • "18th Reinforcements" is this an adhoc unit of no particular size, or can you stipulate company, battalion, etc?
  • This is an adhoc formation and is kind of an organisational construct used by the NZ military when sending its reinforcements for the NZEF. They would be dispatched in large groups or drafts, each of which were known as X Reinforcements. Once in Europe or the Middle East, the troops would then be sent to specific units. Zawed (talk) 09:11, 5 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "within days he was wounded" is there a more accurate date?
  • Any details on what the wounds were?
  • "first lieutenant" is this correct? would have thought they would have used plain lieutenant
  • "the previous month" difficult to date this, as the previous date is only "early 1918"
  • "bombing techniques" should be explained or linked to grenades or the like

Postwar period

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  • "promoted to temporary captain" when exactly?
  • "education officer" what does this mean?
  • "in September 1919" remove repeated year
  • "19 April" add year here
  • "done away with" language a little too casual
  • "and deeds performed on land also being able to be recognised with the AM" doesn't read correctly when paired with the other half of the sentence
  • The citation names him as a lieutenant. Did he not keep his temporary rank into 1919?
  • "war scholarship" what is this?

Later life

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  • "he worked" > "Ridling worked"
  • Note that per this source [1] Ridling was the head of the NZ delegation at the third session of the UNESCO general conference

References

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  • Reference #1 link is broken
  • Otherwise references look good.

@Zawed: That's all I have for now. Will await your responses. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 12:25, 4 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Pickersgill-Cunliffe: thanks for the review, this is ready for another look now. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:54, 6 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Zawed: Happy with your changes. My one final comment relates to the new UNESCO sentence; its addition means the next sentence beginning "By this time" has now had its timeframe changed completely. Ideally both the UNESCO event and his retirement would be dated. I've fixed one reference but think everything else looks good. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 15:01, 6 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Pickersgill-Cunliffe: ah yes, I missed that. Now fixed. Thank you. Zawed (talk) 00:40, 7 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Zawed: Passing this article as satisfying the GA criteria. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 00:44, 7 April 2022 (UTC)[reply]