Talk:Ottoman destroyer Yarhisar/GA2

GA Review

Passed. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 17:49, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Browhatwhyamihere (talk · contribs) 18:42, 10 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 23:33, 7 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable, as shown by a source spot-check. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

The prose condition has apparently improved quite a bit since GA1 a year and a half ago. There are still sentences needing some restructuring, and I have a question on the date the ship sank that the sourcing is not clarifying. Ping me when addressed. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 00:07, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

All that has been mentioned here has been complete.

Elaboration on [38]: "6 Kasım 1915 günü Marmara‟ya üçüncü seferini gerçeklestiren E-11, 3 Aralık‟ta Yalova-Tuzla arasında attığı torpido ile Osmanlı Donanması‟na ait Yarhisar muhribini batırmıstır." (which is the cited area) translates roughly to "E-11, which made its third voyage to the Marmara on November 6, 1915, sank the Ottoman Navy destroyer Yarhisar with a torpedo it fired between Yalova and Tuzla on December 3."

The source says that E11 began its last sortie in the Sea of Marmara on 6 November, then it torpedoed the Yarhisar on 3 December. e (talk) 11:12, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

That makes sense and is kind of what I'd gathered, but the way this had been worded here was not great. Great work in learning from the issues at GA1 and polishing this page up. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 17:46, 8 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.

I also am going to look at areas that were highlighted in GA1, though it looks like a lot of this article has been given a rewording and editing attention since that review in October 2023.

Copy changes

General: No need to link major countries (France, United Kingdom).

Lead

7 officers and 33 enlisted men were killed in the sinking. "Seven officers" because it is starting a sentence.

Construction

It would be worth saying explicitly that Krupp is German in context.

Operational history

Under the command of Colonel Tahir (Burak), the fleet, consisting of two battleships, two cruisers, eight destroyers and one repair ship, left Istanbul on 6 July 1911, and sailed as far as Beirut, calling at important ports such as Midilli, Ayvalık, İzmir, Antalya, İskenderun and Latakia. This sentence is so full of commas with no other punctuation that it becomes a slog. Try this split. Under the command of Colonel Tahir (Burak), the fleet—consisting of two battleships, two cruisers, eight destroyers and one repair ship—left Istanbul on 6 July 1911. It sailed as far as Beirut, calling at important ports such as Midilli, Ayvalık, İzmir, Antalya, İskenderun and Latakia.
When the fleet arrived at Chios Island on October 2 during its return, it learned that the war had started (the news brought by the yacht İzzettin, which was sent from Istanbul) and the fleet was ordered to return to Marmara. Try removing the parenthetical. When the fleet arrived at Chios Island on October 2 during its return, it met the yacht İzzettin, sent from Istanbul with news that the war had started and orders to return to Marmara.
Berkefşan experienced some engine trouble shortly after, but was repaired and joined Yarhisar and Hamidiye at 13:00. Remove comma (WP:CINS)
The reference to Constantinople when Istanbul has already been mentioned earlier and is mentioned later in this paragraph should be clarified or harmonized.
As of mid-February 1915, Yarhisar was placed under the command of the Çanakkale Fortified Area Command, which was under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Arif Bey, Second-in-Command of the Navy. "Under the command" twice: reword.
Mention the nationality of the HMAS submarine (Australian).
Move "the British submarine" to the first HMS reference, which is to E11, not E14, in this paragraph.
On 28 May, the submarine HMS E11 detected Draç and Yarhisar with its periscope at around 02:00, but did not attack Add "it" after "but" to avoid a CINS issue while keeping the comma.
On 7 August, Yarhisar, Gayret-i Vataniye and Musul departed from Istanbul and they guarded the salvage of the Peyk-i Şevket, which had been torpedoed and sunk in shallow water in Güvercinlik between Selimpaşa and Celaliye the day before by the submarines E11 and E14. Split this sentence. On 7 August, Yarhisar, Gayret-i Vataniye and Musul departed from Istanbul. They guarded the salvage of the Peyk-i Şevket, which had been torpedoed and sunk in shallow water in Güvercinlik between Selimpaşa and Celaliye the day before by the submarines E11 and E14.
On 6 November 1915, E11, which had started its third and last sortie in the Sea of Marmara, torpedoed Yarhisar while she was sailing between Tuzla and Yalova at 12:30 on 3 December 1915. This sentence makes no logical sense. 6 November or 3 December?

Sourcing and spot checks

Reviewing: 8, 12, 27, 30, 37 +38 (will be using Google Translate on the Turkish sources for verification)

The fact that the declaration of war was a surprise to the uninformed fleet commander, per Büyüktuğrul 1974 p27, feels like it should be mentioned.
Reading [38] is not helping me with my 6 November/3 December question at all. It doesn't even mention 3 December.

Appraising GA1

The prose is in a lot better shape than it apparently was at GA1, so credit to that. There are still sentences that need attention or splitting. I see a number of textual suggestions were implemented.

Images

None in this article.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.