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Talk:Lure of the Temptress/GA2

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Arsenikk (talk · contribs) 08:19, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments
  • Avoid using contractions (use "did not", not "didn't") (this does not apply to written quotations)
  • Perhaps swap the order of the sentences in the second paragraph of the lead. I've changed this around as it was a bit hard to explain, but I felt, when reading it, that the information came in the wrong order.
    •  Done
  • Avoid repeating links from the lead in the body, especially early in the body and in such a short article.
    •  Done
  • Avoid all-caps for anything but initialisms and acronyms and instead use start case. So "GALLUP" should be "Gallup" and "THE MAKING OF" should be "The making of".
  • The sentence starting with "When the party arrives..." has too many nots.
    •  Done
  • In the plot section especially, there is a lot of rather short sentences. While this is permitted and within the GA criteria, consider writing somewhat longer sentences. An example of this is "The stone contains the power to defeat the demon. The dragon gives the stone to Diermot." which might have been merged to a single sentence.
    •  Done
  • "which was not previously possible" should probably be more like "which had not previously been featured in a game" or the like.
    •  Done
  • "an fine"? if it is not your typo, add {{sic}}.
    •  Done
  • Stick refs directly behind every quote, even if they are redundant. We are extra strict on referencing quotations (I seem to remember some manuals from those days being 100 pages long, but of course not all of them were).
    •  Done
  • How long is the manual? If it is longer than about a dozen pages, the refs need to include page numbers.
  • The archived web site from 2003 needs to be properly referenced with the url field containing the now dead url and using archiveurl and archivedate to properly reference the archive.
    •  Done
  • The title of some of the refs seems a bit out. For instance, the title of the page in ref 2 is "Lure of the Temptress". The name of the publisher should be included in the publisher, work and/or author field, not in the title.
  • Is there no other sources out there to establish that Beneath a Steel Sky and Broken Sword used the same engine? Using a game is a primary source and should only be used as a last way out.
    •  Done

Overall an interesting and well-written article, but there are a number of minor issues which need to be addressed. Placing on hold. Arsenikk (talk) 08:19, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for starting the review! I'll get right to it. --Khanassassin ☪ 12:16, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I would like to point out that titles of articles are not in italics, so please to not add italics to titles unless the title would be in italics in regular text (e.g. the titles of games). Thus it should be "The Making of...The Lure of the Temptress". I just noticed one last issue: there is no mention of Virgin in the prose, just the lead. That needs to be included in the development section. Arsenikk (talk) 16:13, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
OK, I added it to the Development section. If it isn't in the right place, you can fix it. I added a review mentioning that it's published by Virgin as a ref, so... :) --Khanassassin ☪ 18:46, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Congratulations with a good article. Seems like you're working on many of Revolution's classical titles—the best of luck onwards. Arsenikk (talk) 19:32, 25 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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