Talk:Luigi Domenico Gismondi/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Johannes Schade (talk · contribs) 09:13, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Welcome Good day User:Krisgabwoosh. I propose to review your GA nomination “Luigi Domenico Gismondi”. Admittedly, I am only an apprentice-reviewer. I must also warn you that my English is 2nd language and that I am no subject-matter expert. I will propose corrections and suggest optional improvements. The corrections rely on the GA criteria (WP:GACR). Some are tentative. Please tell me whenever you disagree with a correction. I am probably wrong. You can ignore my suggestions. They have no effect on the article's promotion. Should I lack in respect, do not hesitate to complain (see WP:CIVIL).

I will start with the preliminaries and then go through the article’s section sometimes returning to previous sections when needed.

Awesome! Thanks for the review. And don't worry at all about the language barrier; Engish is my second language too! Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:18, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Before the article content

All the needed entries are there, which in my limited experience is rare. Thank you and bravo!

Lead

Remark: I find some of your word choices astonishing, a bit too often not the encyclopedic tone.

Only paragraph, 1st sentence: ... photographer centered in Bolivia ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; I was astonished by your choice of "centered". I propose "active". What do you think?

Done "Active" is way better phrasing. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:18, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Only paragraph, 2nd sentence: Throughout his career Gismondi became ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; What are you trying to say by "Throughout his career ... became"? I find It would be sufficient to say "Gismondi was ..."

DoneAlso agree. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:18, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Only paragraph, 3rd sentence: ... the first to have a wide array ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; I would propose "the first to include a wide array" or "the first to comprise a wide array".

DoneAgree with "include". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:18, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Your lead paragraph is followed by a citation. GACR Rule 1b prescribes compliance with MOS:LEAD SECTION, of which MOS:LEADCITE is a part. This latter rule prescribes that the lead should normally not comprise citations as it should be a summary. Statements of the lead will be supported by citations in the body where more detail is given.

Correct. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:18, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

— With thanks and best regards, Johannes Schade (talk) 09:13, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Remark: This 1st section about his early life seems a bit too short. Is there nothing to say about his parents? What was his father's profession? His two brothers seem to have influenced him very much. I suppose Domenico was the youngest son. (Querejazu says "con sus hermanos mayores", see https://scielo.conicyt.cl/pdf/rda/n50/art06.pdf) His position in the birth order should be given. very I find some of your word choices astonishing, a bit too often not the encyclopedic tone.

Specified "elder" siblings. While I couldn't find anything about his parents, I added some information on his two brothers, who evidently had their own extensive careers in Peru. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Only paragraph, 2nd sentence: Fleeing poverty following the unification of Italy ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; This might be interpreted as suggesting that the Italian unification caused poverty, which you probably do not intend. Perhaps you could link the Italian unification with the time of his birth but not his emigration. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Removed mention of Italian unification as it's not eminently relevant. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

—Thanks and best regards, Johannes Schade (talk) 20:08, 16 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Photography career

1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: ... the composition of the urban city ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; What do you mean with "the composition of the urban city"? I would probably have said the "the state of the city" or the "the development of the city". An urban city is a strange thing as all cities are urban.

One definition for "composition" is: The artistic arrangement of the parts of a picture (Google). As such, the word's usage here would refer to the "artistic arrangement of the urban city"; in other words, documenting its architecture. "Urban" I believe is necessary as there is a marked distinction between the architectural style of urban areas compared to rural (or even suburban) parts of a city. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: ... architecture, which has been compared ... – GACR Rule 1a, "grammar"; It is not the architecture that has been compared but Gismondi's record of it. Please reformulate.

Sentence is correct here. The "documented record of the country's colonial and republican architecture" is what has been compared to similar "documented records of colonial and republican architecture" by Guillermo Kahlo. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: ... surrounded official photographs... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; "surrounded" seems a very strange choice of a verb. Would "turned around" or "concerned" be what you were looking for?

Changed with "encompassed". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Gallery

4th image. Caption: "Aymara Indians. Bolivia. Quechua Indian. Peru. c. 1917". The photo shows two men. Logically it should be "Aymara Indian" (singular)". In fact https://scielo.conicyt.cl/pdf/rda/n50/art06.pdf says: "Indio aimara. Bolivia. Indio quechua, Perú."

Done Thanks for pointing that out. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Rightmost image. Caption "Jefes Charotes" -> "Charotes chiefs".

Done That's a pretty good translation and not one I would have thought of. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Early life (revisited)

Only paragraph, 2nd sentence: Gismondi emigrated with his parents and three siblings to Peru in 1890, landing in Mollendo. – However https://scielo.conicyt.cl/pdf/rda/n50/art06.pdf says: "Él, con sus hermanos mayores Jacintoy Esteban, desembarcaron en Mollendo, Perú" Did he arrive in Peru with his parents and brothers or only with his brothers?

The text says: emigró de Módena, Italia, al Perú, con parte de su familia, though it doesn't specify which part. The source cites "Buck, 1999". I checked that (and added it as a source) but it doesn't mention anything either. La Razón states that it was his whole family so I added that citation there. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 02:59, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

—Dear User:Krisgabwoosh best regards, Johannes Schade (talk) 20:05, 17 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Dear User:Krisgabwoosh. Thank you much for your corrections and additions. I thought it very interesting to see his brothers as painters. Initially I thought you had problems with the English, but now I believe your problem is the Spanish. You seem to use an automatic translator and trust it too much. I cannot speak Spanish at all, but I can more or less read it using Latin, Italian, and French; and then when stuck I use DeepL as automatic translator which is quite good. Which one do you use?

I don't use translators as I'm fluent in both English and Spanish. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 15:55, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I finally found where Buck can be read: https://issuu.com/artes37/docs/pioneer_photography_in_bolivia. Are these two the only sources for this article that one can read on the Internet? Here is some more.

As stated, I already added that source into the article. Unfortunately, it didn't add much as it's just a general biography. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 15:55, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Early life (revisited 2nd time)

1st paragraph, 1st sentence: ... was born in 1872 ... – https://fotoartegismondi.wordpress.com/ says "... nacque a San Remo il 9 agosto 1879". What is the truth?

That would explain why some of the sources dated 9 August state that they're celebrating Gismondi's centennial. I thought that they were referring to the centennial of his business. The original date I had was 19 July (Geni) but none of the in-text sources stated that. If I can't find a better source, I'll use this one. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 1st sentence: ... Petro Gismond ... – GACR Rule 1a, "spelling"; I thought his first name was "Pietro".

Done Correct. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: ... disembarking ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; "landing" would be more precise and less affected or stilted. Mollendo was the harbour of Arequipa in that time.

"disembarking" is more specific as they came by boat, but landing works just as well. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: ... both photographers ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; Could you explain that they were painters at the same time?

Citation three states that they were más conocidos como fotógrafos que como pintores. I'm not sure if should include painting as a profession as it seems to have been more of a side thing for them. If you wish, I could include it anyway though. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 3rd sentence: ... commercial property ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; You mean "business". You even linked "commercial property" and if you followed your own link you would have learned that commericial proerty is a commerial real estate.

I'm aware. I thought "commercial property" fit better with "advertised as Gismondi Hnos. or Gismondi y Cía". Business works just as well I suppose. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, 4th sentence: ...the territory of Peru ... – GACR Rule 1a, "concise"; I think "Peru" is good enough.

Done Fair enough. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

1st paragraph, last sentence: .The Pueblo Nuevo template ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; You mean the "church of Sagrada Corazón ("Sacred heart") in Pueblo Nuevo de Colán". I am not so sure when one should preserve the Spanish accents in English.

Ah, my mistake. I'm not familiar with Peruvian terms and "Colan District" did not tell me that Pueblo Nuevo de Colán is the city's full name. As with accents, I tend to lean towards preserving accents on people and city names unless there is an established romanization that doesn't include it. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Optional 1st paragraph, last sentence, citations: .[1][2][3] WP:INTEGRITY. Citations are normaly placed after the first punctuation that follows the text that is supported. Accordingly only the [3] should appear where it is. The other two citation marks should be moved forward to where they belong. If this rule is ignored, it becomes difficult for the reviewer to check WP:INTEGRITY, so please ...

[3] is used as a citation for his mother's full name "Maria Modena" as the others either don't state it [1] or only state "Maria" [2]. I've done as you asked either way but strictly speaking, the surname is not cited by the first two. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

2nd paragraph, last sentence: ... settling in the city of La Paz ... – GACR Rule 1a, "concise"; I think "La Paz" is good enough.

May generate confusion as there is also the Department of La Paz and he specifically settled in the city not just any part of the region. La Paz is wikilinked there, so maybe I'm just being overly cautious. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:14, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Photography career (revisited)

1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: ... documenting the composition of the urban city ... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; I found that the Spanish was "pormenores urbanos", i.e. urban details (Querejazu, page 77, right column). Perhaps it might be translated by "documenting in detail".

By "details of the urban city", he means Gismondi photographed aspects of the city unique to the urban area, such as architecture. I've changed it to "document aspects (details) of the urban city". Hopefully that flows better. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:19, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: A majority of the work carried out at Gismondi's La Paz studio encompassed official photographs... – GACR Rule 1a, "understanding"; "enco0mpassed" seems still very strange. Do you mean "The majority ... consisted of official portraits of public servants."?

"Consisted" works. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:19, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

2nd paragraph, last sentence: ... such as the Archbishops. – GACR Rule 1a, "capitalisation"; Archbishops -> archbishops.

Done

3rd paragraph, last sentence: These photographs became a popular item on postcards and were a notable advance for the indigenist movement in Bolivia. – GACR Rule 1a, "grammar"; Perhaps: "These photographs became popular as postcards and helped to advance the indigenist movement in Bolivia".

Done That works way better. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 16:19, 20 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

—Almost there, best regards, Johannes Schade (talk) 13:24, 20 July 2022 (UTC) —Dear User:Krisgabwoosh. Tnank you for your corrections and aditions. Congratulation! I will promote this now. Best regards, Johannes Schade (talk) 04:38, 24 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to review the article. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:08, 24 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.