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Reviewer: IndianBio (talk · contribs) 08:54, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Starting the review of this song. Nominators please answer queries vigilantly. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 08:54, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Its been 6 days now. When are you going to begin? — Robin (talk) 20:52, 5 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, got held up in some other issues, will start now. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 03:25, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for beginning. — Robin (talk) 15:54, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Infobox
  • Looks fine, but you can add the recording location if you have the album liner notes. That would be better.
I don't have the album :/. — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Here's a simple solution. Do you know of any OD fan sites? They usually have the booklets scanned in their galleries. You can add the information from the images. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I searched for 20 minutes and I wasn't successful. — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The music video is already added as part of the External links, remove it from infobox since its not used anywhere in the article.
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Producer names in infobox, why suddenly only the surnames? They should have the fullnames I believe. This is not a sentence case.
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • While it faced criticism for its opening guitar riff bearing similarities with The Clash's 1982 single "Should I Stay or Should I Go", --> While it faced criticism for its opening guitar riff bearing similarities with The Clash's 1982 single, "Should I Stay or Should I Go", (missing comma)
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • critics who favoured the song --> reviewers who favoured the song
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "resemblance of happiness" --> the context is not clear as to what it is supposed to mean.
That the song resembles happiness. — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
If so then why not write it in simple English like "reviewers who favoured the song, completed the omnipresence and the happiness in it." —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Additionally, the song's lyrics were negatively received by several critics, interpreted as a thinly veiled euphemism for sexual intercourse --> Additionally, the song's lyrics faced negative reception since it was interpreted as a thinly veiled euphemism for sexual intercourse
  • Directed by Vaughan Arnell, it depicts a camping, water festival theme --> Directed by Vaughan Arnell, it has a camping, water festival theme
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Background
  • In early 2012, the group confirmed a follow-up album for their debut album --> In early 2012, the group confirmed a follow-up release to their debut
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The vocal ensemble began recording the album --> vocal ensemble means many things, simple state "The band"
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • IS there any reference regarding the radio release? I don't see any
Done, added ref. — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Might be reference 12 suffices it, you need to clarify.
Composition
  • You have cited Musicnotes.com, why not add the chord progressio also? It's easily viewable there.
I don't know how to format that.. — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Add this line with the sheet music reference. "The song follows a basic sequence of D–G–D–G–D–A as its chord progression". —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think the quote from Alexis Petridis needs rephrasing to layman's terms. It's too "in-universe" for a common reader to understand.
Do you have suggestions on how it should be sentenced. — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Try this. "According to Alexis Petridis of The Guardian, the guitar is played thrice between the riff with the plectrum stroking the strings, while it is pressed. One note in the chord is changed, which Petridis surmised was probably to avoid paying any royalty to Clash". —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done, thanks! — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In contrast of One Direction's --> In contrast to One Direction's
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The song contains a quiet chorus reprise in the bridge.[20] The chorus of the song samples layers of "whoa-oa-oa"[17] and encompasses the lines --> There is something fundamentally wrong in the lines. How is a re-utterance of who-oa-oa a sample? Also the fact about the chorus reprise, does not sound right in this context. Consider rephrasing the whole block.
Changed 'samples' to incorporates. Chorus reprise: I don't interpret anything wrong, could you please elaborate? — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The idea being that you and me, lovers of music, would understand it. Not someone who has any clue about chords and stuff. So try rephrasing it like "The chorus of the song is also predominantly featured along side the bridge, and is backed by vocal chanting the words "whoa-oa-oa". —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done — Robin (talk) 16:56, 7 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

That's all for now. Do these changes as I will continue adding comments. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 05:49, 6 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Critical response
  • received a mixed reception --> remove a
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "what we've heard before - but when you're the" --> En-dash please
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Like all of One Direction's music, “Live While We’re Young” is relentlessly effective, an --> When the song name is mentioned as part of or inside a quote from someone, it will be withing single quotes like "... all of One Direction's music, 'Live While We’re Young' is relentlessly effective, an..." There are lotsda instances like this. Please check thoroughly.
Better? — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Popdust is not a magazine so no italics. Same for PopCrush, check these stuff throughout.
Fixes — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • My concern with this section is that as I gradually progress, it is starting to resemble kinda like a WP:QUOTEFARM. I would strongly suggest changing at least 30% of quotes to prose.
I have trimmed a bit. — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • About.com is an unreliable source for featured content and is challenged.
Really? The same exact reviewer is featured on FA Irreplaceable for example. Anyway, that source is only being used in the critical reception section. — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Commercial
  • Why "number one" and then "number 3"? Maintain consistency
Fixed — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The certifications by IFPI are for shipment, not sales
Fixed — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • The single debuted at number two on the Australian Singles Chart of 14 October 2012 --> The single debuted at number two on the Australian Singles Chart dated 14 October 2012
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • 341,000 copies in its first week.[61][60] --> In these cases, ref 60 should be before 61. Rearrange them.
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • the third biggest debut ever for a download by a group, surpassed by the arrivals --> the third biggest debut ever for digital download by a group, surpassed by the arriva
  • comma after Payphone's sales
Done — Robin (talk) 23:25, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

More to come. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 16:06, 8 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

It has been 9 days since you have posted anything; can you continue? — Robin (talk) 21:00, 17 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Music Video
  • ..Starting. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 02:46, 26 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "secret place." --> "secret place".
  • Those Twitter.com sources need to go. I know they are official verified accounts, but social media websites are not acceptable in featured content which is what you are trying to achieve here. Try finding third party sources if they have reported these statements.
  • According to an MTV News --> According to a MTV News
  • However, a poor quality version of the music video leaked online on 20 September 2012.[71] The same day it was officially published on One Direction's Vevo channel on YouTube because of the leak --> Combine them, same idea and same flow.
  • Released on 12 October 2012, Bieber regained the record with his music video for "Beauty and a Beat" (10.6 million) ---> Bieber regained the record with the release of music video for "Beauty and a Beat" (10.6 million) on 12 September 2012.
Live performance
  • to a record crowd estimated at 15,000 ---> to a record crowd of 15,000
  • Can we have some description of the performances at least? It becomes pretty diffficult to read in this section cause its only a list of the locations of the performances>
  • The Glee version did not chart anywhere?
Formats
  • Bold the tracklist headings and correct en-dash

Which one is that? — Robin (talk) 19:57, 26 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Credits
  • No need to have em-dash in between the names and the roles, have en-dash.
  • Liner notes reference needs the page no., publisher, catalogue id etc etc. Just the album name won't do.
    • Fixed; I fixed the credits citation for good now. — Robin (talk) 12:36, 27 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      • It was not fixed, I corrected the dashes. Take a look at where all you should replace the dashes, so that you can do it in the references. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 05:20, 27 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        • I cannot imagine that en-dash is required in the GA criteria. At this time, I'm not planning to enhance this to FA so it doesn't have to be perfect.— Robin (talk) 12:36, 27 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
          • Yes it is, en-dash is a requirement even in normal articles and is one of the basic MoS for connecting sentences and prose. And you have a better chance of correcting these at GA level rather than take it to FA level and then facing an oppose over this, because believe me, people oppose over MoS.


References

I have completed the review. Once all these is done, the article can pass. —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 13:12, 26 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I replaced the dashes and over all I'm satisfied with the article now. Passing it as GA. Congrats! —Indian:BIO · [ ChitChat ] 06:13, 30 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for a thorough review and passing it! — Robin (talk) 19:45, 30 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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