Talk:Johnny Peirson/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 22:19, 5 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

"After his stint in the military, Peirson was accepted into McGill University in 1945.[2] There, he played one season for the McGill Redmen." - maybe merge these two sentences together?

"It turned out to be McGill's final Queen's Cup for over 60 years" - more than

"who was keen to earn a bit of extra money for his education" - text in bold is informal

Didn't want to close paraphrase with "some money". Changed it to "some extra money" – hope that's alright. —Bloom6132 (talk) 09:26, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

NHL should be spelt out in full on the first mention and the acronyms put in parentheses

I already did that in the lead. Should it be done again in the main section? —Bloom6132 (talk) 09:26, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 4 (by McGill) quotes it as: Peirson retired in 1958, because his "legs sort of disappeared." It does not attribute the description to him. I Googled the exact quotation but this is the only source that mentions it. —Bloom6132 (talk) 11:09, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@MWright96: I've reworded it to have the exact quote (i.e. removing "were described as having"). —Bloom6132 (talk) 16:05, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"The pair would work together in that capacity for 18 years. They notably covered the first four games of the Summit Series for American viewers." - perhaps merge these two sentences together

"Peirson married Barbara Ann (Hunt) around 1951. They remained married for 70 years until his death." - these two sentences could possibly be merged together and shortened accordingly

Merged. Not sure if I shortened it enough – feel free to suggest a better wording. —Bloom6132 (talk) 11:09, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Reference 13 is missing the page number stating the fact of Pierson's 1950 Canadian Open result

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above MWright96 (talk) 08:53, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@MWright96: thanks very much for the review! I hope I've addressed your comments satisfactorily. —Bloom6132 (talk) 11:09, 6 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]