Talk:Jane Fonda's Workout/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: Binksternet (talk · contribs) 19:11, 13 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Kimikel (talk · contribs) 15:52, 2 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I will be reviewing this article as part of the January GAN drive. Please expect comments from me within the next few days. Kimikel (talk) 15:52, 2 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Binksternet: I have left my initials comments below. Please let me know if there are any questions or concerns with my suggestions. Thank you. Kimikel (talk) 19:56, 2 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for picking up this review! I'm just getting back home after camping far away from electronic access, and a family emergency arose, so I'll look at your suggestions a bit later, probably in the next 24 hours. Binksternet (talk) 01:05, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Binksternet no worries, whenever you have the time! Kimikel (talk) 03:38, 3 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Well-written

Lead

The video also increased the sales of video players. > this claim should appear somewhere in the body of the article. The lead shouldn't be introducing info that appears nowhere else in the article, it ought to be a summary of the body.
The original 1982 Jane Fonda's Workout was the first non-theatrical home video release to top sales charts,[2] and it was the top-selling VHS tape for six years.[1] In total, Fonda sold 17 million videos in the 1982–1995 series, considered an enormous success. > same with all of this.
The ballet-style leg warmers she wore increased the popularity of an ongoing fashion trend, and her encouraging shout, "Feel the burn!", became a common saying, along with the proverb, "No pain, no gain." > same with all of this
The success of Fonda's workout series funded her political activism, which was her original goal. > this looks off as a standalone sentence, it should be merged with another paragraph.
In 2010, Fonda resumed the series... > since this article is specifically about the 1982 exercise video, Fonda making separate additional DVDs and TikTok videos does not merit mention in the lead; it is worth mentioning later on though

Exercise studio, book, and LP

Fonda took classes from Cazden, and adopted her style of exercise. > remove comma
few choices for exercise classes, that most gyms > few choices for exercise classes and that most gyms
entirely new ways". > entirely new ways." (this is a complete sentence, the punctuation can go inside the quotes)
In May 1979, she partnered with Cazden to open an exercise studio called Workout, the sign over the door stating "Jane Fonda’s Workout", located on Robertson Boulevard in Beverly Hills. > In May 1979, she partnered with Cazden to open an exercise studio called Workout on Robertson Boulevard in Beverly Hills. The sign above the studio's door read "Jane Fonda's Workout".
With the concept proved > With the concept proven
She wrote Jane Fonda's Workout Book to bring the technique to a wider audience. The book was published through Paramount-owned Simon & Schuster and sold 2 million copies. > Do we know when she wrote/published it?

Video

A cheaply made exercise video was the first in the home video category: Video Aerobics featuring Leslie Lilien and Julie Lavin, available on videotape in 1979. > Video Aerobics, featuring Leslie Lilien and Julie Lavin and available on videotape in 1979, was the first in the home video category of exercise tapes.
appealing to men, useless for exercise > appealing to men and useless for exercise.
The first version is as follows: Karl was a young entrepreneur in Southern California, starting a magazine company and shifting to home video publishing: Karl Home Video. According to Karl's story, he was a young entrepreneur in Southern California starting a home video publishing company called Karl Home Video.
Seeing that the exercise video category had just opened Seeing an opportunity to bring exercise tapes to the home video market
activist and politician Tom Hayden the activist and politician Tom Hayden (false title)
The second version is told by corporate attorney Richard D. Klinger of RCA Records, an executive in the company's SelectaVision video group. In early 1981, Karl and Klinger contacted Fonda about shooting a video of her Beverly Hills exercise routine. > According to Richard D. Klinger, an executive in RCA Records' SelectaVision video group, Karl and Klinger contacted Fonda about shooting a video of her Beverly Hills exercise routine in early 1981.
joint production deal such that > joint production deal in which
the husband of singer Janis Hansen, remove, doesn't have any bearing on this story
"nobody" > remove quotes
$50,000 $75,000 or $100,000 > $50,000, $75,000, or $100,000,
Behind Fonda and likewise barefoot > Behind Fonda and also barefoot
at the price of $59.95 for the video tape, equivalent to $189 in 2023. > could this be updated for 2024 and sourced?
Karl Home Video brought out the video tape Karl Home Video released the video tape
TV shows including the immensely popular Dallas television shows, such as Dallas.
department adding > department, adding
List price of a stereo CED player was $450, equivalent to $1,421 in 2023.[33] > irrelevant, remove
of Fonda's Workout franchise > italicize
The noise of the exercising was being conveyed through the building structure to other tenants who were complaining. > The building's other tenants had complained about the noise of the exercises.
core business which > core business, which
Fonda contracted > Fonda signed
Workout-branded > Workout-branded
Theoni V. Aldredge, and made > remove comma

Activism

Fonda used her workout profits to fund her political activism.[5][6] The entire Workout franchise contributed, including the studios, the book, the audio recording and the videos. > recommend merging these sentences
In 1987, Fonda bought her Workout franchise back from CED > when had they bought it?
political causes; all drawn > comma instead of semicolon
Karl emulated Fonda by putting some of his Workout video distribution profits into political donations, but his naïveté led him to give many thousands illegally to various politicians, > Similarly to Fonda, Karl used his some of Workout video distribution profits into political donations,
The shady dealings > These irregularities
In 2014 after and In 2020 during > add commas

Exercise videos

I am of the opinion that this section should not exist. This article is about "Jane Fonda's Workout... a 1982 exercise video" (based on the 1st sentence); thus I don't think a comprehensive list of every Jane Fonda workout tape is appropriate. In a separate article covering the Workout franchise, or Fonda's filmography, this information would be great, but this article should be centered and focused entirely on the 1982 tape; specific details about sequels don't really belong here.

Verifiability

For consistency's sake, all publications and publishers that can be wikilinked in References should be (some are, some aren't)

Spot check

25: Verified
46: Verified, but should be University of Nebraska Press, not U of Nebraska
37: Verified
31: Unavailable, archive if possible
49: Verified

Stability

No issues.

Broadness

No issues.

Neutrality

A couple of the prose fixes I suggested above address language that I would consider slightly non-neutral.

Illustrated

Properly tagged fair use