Talk:Hurricane Rick (1985)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: HurricaneSpin (talk · contribs) 21:24, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Since I said I will be reviewing one of your GANs, so here it is.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
I will specify the issues in the sections below.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lede

"Hurricane Rick threatened Hawaii during September 1985." - It could use a better thesis. Try to include other factors of its notability, such as intensity or its unusual track.
- Better? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A tropical wave that moved slowly westward over the warm waters south of Salina Cruz." - The "that" in the does not refer to anything, thus this is a fragment sentence. This also could use better wording, such as "The origins of Rick can be traced back to ..."
- Did something like that. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The lede does not flow very fluidly, try adding some transition words.
- Copyedited. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A weakening trend commenced on September 10; Hurricane Rick began to rapidly deteriorate while turning northwest." - From what I could tell from the track, Rick was already traveling northwest while it intensified. Try reword this and attribute the "turning northwest" segment to the intensification sentences.
- Meant north-northwest :F Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"By September 11, Tropical Storm Rick was no more." - Use the word dissipated. WP:WTW#Euphemisms
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Even though Hurricane Rick turned north sooner than Pauline, the surf did rise somewhat." - What is somewhat? Be more concise with the wording. Also, try adding more about Pauline to the lede or remove it completely. As a reader I can not know what Pauline is if it randomly appears in the lede without explanation. For example, change a previous sentence to "...more of a threat to the Hawaii Islands than Pauline ever was, which was another hurricane expected to impact Hawaii."
- I cut Pauline out of the lead, but took care of the rest. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 21:30, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I will get to the other sections later. Focus on making the lede better for now.

Meteorological History

The Meteorological History is generally pretty good. But since the dropsonde measured the pressure while it was a category 3 hurricane, the infobox should use <951 mbar of pressure.
- Eh, that's kinda OR, since Rick was becoming ET. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 22:18, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"further intensification was initially slow to occur since Rick was 800 mi (1,300 km) west of Hurricane Pauline." It got the facts wrong. I read the MWR and it said Pauline was west of Rick, not the other way round.
- Directional fail. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 22:18, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Final Remarks

I think this article is now good to go. I am passing it for GA. Congratulations YE, well done, - HurricaneSpin (Talk) 22:22, 24 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]