Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis
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GOCE copyedit request
[edit]Hello Doug Coldwell. After completing my preliminary copyedit I always ask questions about the article to ensure that my edit reflects the intended meaning and is clear in doing so. Please reply to each point by indenting below each one like you would a conversation; items will be struck out once they have been answered. Please ping me with {{U}}, {{ping}}, or {{re}} as I have a lot of items on my watchlist. My copyediting process can be found here. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 03:26, 27 June 2020 (UTC) |
- Note to self: Revise the "Early life" section on another pass. Sentences can be better parsed.
- Done. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
In 1870 he became a paid fireman in station No. #1.
Emphasis added. "No." and "#" mean the same thing. Is the station house rendered as such in the source?
- Done source says Steamer No. 1 for the fire station. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
He slept at night at the fire station and worked at an outside trade during the day.
I'm not educated on the subject, but is firefighting a trade?
- Done - yes, I would consider firefighting a trade. Here is a book on the trade. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Although the system needed updating and improvements [...]
Updating and improvements go hand-in-hand. Would it be possible to replace "updating" with "maintenance"?
- Done - yup! --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:18, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
They wired fifteen miles in Akron to install new alarm boxes which used a telegraph key by the operator before realizing that the operator could not give the correct signal during the excitement of a fire.
"Excitement" doesn't seem to be the correct word to use. Can it be removed to just read during a fire?
- Done - reworded to use "hysteria" for the new fire. Hysteria = an uncontrollable outburst of fear. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:29, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Loomis then developed an alarm box that worked by turning a crank that automatically gave the correct signal. He patented an alarm box (#US323435A) which sends a signal when the lever is pulled.
Edited already, but asking for confirmation: looking at the schematic on the right, does the alarm trigger when the door is opened?
- Done = yes. See reworded copy edit. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:46, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
It was first developed with a telegraph key, however soon improved with telephones built in.
Were telephones installed later in the boxes or were the boxes completely replaced?
- Done = the boxes were completely replaced. Copy edited to read "however soon improved with a completely new alarm box style that had a telephone already installed in it." The news clip reference says so new boxes were designed with telephone instrument included. Look it over to see if it is grammatically correct on my wording. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done. Tweaked the wording a little. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
Loomis of E. York Street in Akron was the creator of this automobile.
The sentence is sourced but I'm not sure of its relevance; the first sentence in the paragraph establishes the connection between the man and the vehicle.
- Done - removed. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:03, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
The electric police patrol wagon was completely overhauled in 1913 to be exhibited.
Slightly edited. Was it overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo?
- Done - worded to show that it was overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Done by requester. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
In 1874, Loomis and another engineer developed and helped deploy four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes at key businesses in Akron.
Is "helped" necessary? The closest source I'm reading in the paragraph doesn't go into detail about how he "helped deploy" the signal boxes.
- Done - see added news clip source quote for referencing of using "helped deploy" wording.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:16, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Suggestion: "Helping
verb
" implies that the person doing the helping isn't the primary actor; in the new clipping, Loomis saysJames Stanford, who was with [him] in the fire department, aided [him] in putting in four boxes in Akron.
Loomis appears to be the one in charge of deploying the new boxes with Stanford aiding him. I still think "helped develop" can be changed to "developed", even if it gives Stanford a little more credit than the source reports. —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Suggestion: "Helping
- @Tenryuu: - All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. After you remove the "under construction" template then I'll assume you are done and I will submit for GAN. It looks to me like it is ready for that. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Doug Coldwell: Thanks for looking through these. There is a suggestion I am hoping you'll consider. One more thing: I've gone ahead and title-cased "City Chief Engineer"; I just want to confirm that how it is rendered in the source. Hope to hear from you soon! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Tenryuu: - copy edited the last part of the second paragraph in Mid life and career section to follow the sources. Does it look alright grammatically? The edits you did at 17:41 27 June 2020 look good to me = thanks! Changed to Stanford developed four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes = does that look good to you? Thanks for all your great professional editing and improvements. Perhaps we will meet again as I other requests at GOCE and am doing a lot of Good Articles now from the articles I originally created that were first DYKs. Passing this one off to you for any final comments or suggestions.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:53, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- Doug Coldwell, awesome! I'm just going to change "developed" to "built" in that case (feel free to revert if reviewer thinks "developed" is better), but everything else seems to be in order. See you around! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 00:26, 28 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Tenryuu: - copy edited the last part of the second paragraph in Mid life and career section to follow the sources. Does it look alright grammatically? The edits you did at 17:41 27 June 2020 look good to me = thanks! Changed to Stanford developed four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes = does that look good to you? Thanks for all your great professional editing and improvements. Perhaps we will meet again as I other requests at GOCE and am doing a lot of Good Articles now from the articles I originally created that were first DYKs. Passing this one off to you for any final comments or suggestions.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:53, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Doug Coldwell: Thanks for looking through these. There is a suggestion I am hoping you'll consider. One more thing: I've gone ahead and title-cased "City Chief Engineer"; I just want to confirm that how it is rendered in the source. Hope to hear from you soon! —Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 ) 17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
- @Tenryuu: - All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. After you remove the "under construction" template then I'll assume you are done and I will submit for GAN. It looks to me like it is ready for that. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
GA Review
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- This review is transcluded from Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 02:59, 22 October 2020 (UTC)
- Lead
- " was a nineteenth century American businessman" - When used as an adjective, it's hyphenated. nineteenth-century.
- "and director in improving and developing out the fire and police departments for the city of Akron, Ohio" - Is "out" necessary in here? I'm not sure
- Done took out "out" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:34, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- Combine the two paragraphs of the lead, since they're pretty short, and add a couple more sentences. Maybe mention the Loomis Award?
- Working --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:43, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- Early life
- "His father died when he was seven years old in 1861. He then lived with an uncle at Wadsworth, Ohio, for the next seven years.[3] He attended the local Akron public schools" - Three straight sentences with similar openings. Can you rephrase this a little bit to reduce the repetition?
- Mid life and career
- "The city however would not finance this needed improvement." - Commas before and after however, I think
- Done yes. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:12, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- "The system first used a telegraph key, but it was realized that the person that operated the key during the emergency could not give the correct signal during the hysteria of a new fire. Loomis then developed an alarm box that worked by turning a crank automatically when the door was opened, giving the correct signal. He patented the alarm box (#US323435A) which sent this signal automatically" - Hysteria and the patent number aren't mentioned in the ref
- Done Ref # 6 of Romance in Carreer of Man added that then covers this (source - we soon learned that in their excitement few people could give the right signal). Removed patent number.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:12, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- Patrol wagon
- "His invention 1899 became the first motorized police patrol wagon" - There's a word missing between invention and 1899, I think
- Done Added in "in" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:40, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- "The Collins Buggy Company built the 5,500 pound carriage that cost $2,400" - Use the convert template to create a conversion to kilograms, as well. If you're not super familiar with the template, I can do this for you
- "up to sixteen miles per hour" - Ditto as above, but with kilometers per hour
- "Akron patrolman John Dunkin made the first arrest with the police horseless transport automobile" - What year, I wonder? It's a bit relevant, but if the source doesn't mention, it's not essential for GA.
- Done = 1899. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:52, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- " It was recovered, repaired, and put into service for an additional seven years.[27] The electric patrol wagon had done 226 police runs by 1901 and had traveled 200 miles in the process of escorting criminals to jail. It was in the Akron police force until 1905 and then sold out for $25.[12]" - Did a different department use it for part of the seven years? Seven years after 1899 suggests 1907, but it was taken out of Akron service in 1905
- Done Chilton 1908 source says it gave good service for seven more years after the 1900 riot incident. The 20 June 1999 news clip says it served six years AFTER 1901. The "1905" figure in the news clip is obviously a typo based on these references. It should be 1908. Copy edited the article accordingly based on this above.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:52, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- Layout
- Combine the three super short sections at the end into a single section.
- Did he have any kids?
- Done Nope. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- References
- You misspell "Akron" in one of the ref titles
- Need a page number for the Doyle 1908 citation
- Do Chilton or the Police Journal have an OCLC?
Good work on this one. An interesting read about an interesting figure. Should be pretty simple to get most of these cleaned up. Hog Farm Bacon 01:13, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- @Hog Farm: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- @Doug Coldwell: - There's one more ref to Doyle 1908 without a page number. Fix that, and this one's good to pass. Hog Farm Bacon 14:45, 23 October 2020 (UTC)
- @Hog Farm: 99 Bottles of Beer on the wall. Same on my User Page on top.--Doug Coldwell (talk)
Copyright contributor investigation and Good article reassessment
[edit]This article is part of Wikipedia:Contributor copyright investigations/20210315 and the Good article (GA) drive to reassess and potentially delist over 200 GAs that might contain copyright and other problems. An AN discussion closed with consensus to delist this group of articles en masse, unless a reviewer opens an independent review and can vouch for/verify content of all sources. Please review Wikipedia:Good article reassessment/February 2023 for further information about the GA status of this article, the timeline and process for delisting, and suggestions for improvements. Questions or comments can be made at the project talk page. MediaWiki message delivery (talk) 09:36, 9 February 2023 (UTC)
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA toolbox |
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Reviewing |
- This review is transcluded from Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis/GA3. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.
Nominator: OpalYosutebito (talk · contribs) 19:05, 23 October 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Crisco 1492 (talk · contribs) 20:54, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- I'll take this review. Please note that I may make recommendations that go beyond the scope of the GA criteria. These are intended only as material for further development, and will not affect the success or failure of this nomination. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 20:54, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
Image review
[edit]- Overall, the article is overillustrated. Reformatting as a gallery to showcase his inventions will probably help avoid the abundance of whitespace created by the current format.
- File:Frank F Loomis 1915.jpg - The original uploader had a history of copyvios. Have you been able to independently confirm that this was indeed published in 1915?
- File:Fire alarm box.jpg - Would the patent illustration itself not be made by Loomis? Maybe the annotations are a US Government work, but...
- File:Frank F Loomis with paddy wagon.jpg - What proof do we have of publication before 1929? If it was unpublished, {{PD-US-unpublished}} will work better.
- File:Akron police wagon.jpg - What proof do we have of publication before 1929? If it was unpublished, {{PD-US-unpublished}} will work better.
Prose
[edit]- and built the world's first police van. ... In 1899, Loomis would build the world's first police van, - This is repetitive
- minuteman at a steamer in 1870 - Would a minuteman be at or on a steamer?
- Loomis married on July 10, 1879, to Barbara Grad, in Akron. - This is too short to stand on its own
- "paddy wagon" - Is it worth having this term, given that it may be derived from an ethnic slur?
- Loomis of E. York Street in Akron was the inventor of this car.[15] - This just repeats information that was supplied previously
- Overall, the patrol car discussion feels like it could beneficially refactored.
- It was originally established by his idea in 1936 and in the first 50 years only three firefighters received the award - Nix "by his idea". You already said he established it.
- Overall, prose is rather rough. In an article this short, that is a big detriment.
Sources
[edit]- The detail focuses mostly on his inventions rather than his life. Is there much more about Loomis the person?
- Not a GA criterion, but watch your ref formatting. I see duplicated quotation marks, for example.
Conclusion
[edit]- Prose needs some heavy massaging, and the images need reworking, but there are some good bones here. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 20:54, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Regarding the File:Frank F Loomis with paddy wagon.jpg image: I found one on Commons that's pretty much the same thing: File:Polizeifahrzeug der Stadtpolizei Akron, Ohio, 1899.jpg. It has the year of publication in the title, being 1899. I also fixed some of the redundant wording you mentioned and removed a usage of the "paddy wagon" phrase. I still included the fact that they were called "paddy wagons" so people reading the sources don't get confused. - OpalYosutebito (talk) 22:48, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Hi OpalYosutebito; unfortunately without a source showing proof of publication, we can't say for certain that it was published. It could have sat in a museum for decades until it was uploaded online. I did offer an alternative which is still policy compliant. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 22:54, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Okay. As for the image in the infobox, it came from this source: https://www.newspapers.com/article/akron-evening-times/18114863/ (I'm mainly saying this as a note to ourselves. I'm currently rearranging some stuff) - OpalYosutebito (talk) 22:58, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- As for the prose, I didn't get past the lede before I saw redundancy still there. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 22:57, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Where do you see duplicated quotation marks? By the way, I found a source for the police patrol car that was taken in 1899: https://www.clevelandpolicemuseum.org/news/cleveland-police-ambulance-service/ - OpalYosutebito (talk) 23:13, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- The Childress source. As for the Police Museum Image, please keep in mind that publication is not the same as creation. The template I mentioned above works off creation (and thus applies in this instance). Publication means made available to broader audiences, usually through reproduction or dissemination of the item. For example, we have a newspaper showing that Loomis' portrait was published in 1915, but we don't have any magazines including the photograph of the police to show it was published; we just know it was created in 1899. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:24, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Think of it this way: The Diary of a Young Girl was created between 1942 and 1944. However, it was only published in 1947. The same situation appliles to these images: we have date of creation, but not date of publication. Fortunately, they're old enough that they'd be PD even with that... just with a different template. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:27, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Thanks for the clarification! I'm not too great with settling copyright issues, but I'll still clean up what I can. - OpalYosutebito (talk) 23:40, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Hi @Crisco 1492! I added {{PD-US-unpublished}} to File:Akron police wagon.jpg; as you said before, it was taken in 1899 but that doesn't mean there's proof that it was actually published. I also "trimmed the fat" on some of the more redundant parts of the article. - OpalYosutebito (talk) 21:51, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Hi Opal, that should have been on the Commons page for both files. I've done that. I'll take another look at the article. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 21:56, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Okay. I must've gotten the files mixed up, then. The one on Commons looks like the one on the English wiki... - OpalYosutebito (talk) 21:57, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Alright, I've looked over. I reworked the lede a little. I do feel like the police wagon section could use a bit more work, but as it stands it does meet the criteria "the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct;". I do note that the deleted copyvio version had some information not in this article. Might be worth asking an admin to provide some insight into what the previous version of this article had that this one does not. But those are both areas for further consideration; I believe the GA criteria are met, and will be passing this article. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 22:00, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Okay. I must've gotten the files mixed up, then. The one on Commons looks like the one on the English wiki... - OpalYosutebito (talk) 21:57, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Hi Opal, that should have been on the Commons page for both files. I've done that. I'll take another look at the article. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 21:56, 25 December 2024 (UTC)
- Think of it this way: The Diary of a Young Girl was created between 1942 and 1944. However, it was only published in 1947. The same situation appliles to these images: we have date of creation, but not date of publication. Fortunately, they're old enough that they'd be PD even with that... just with a different template. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:27, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- The Childress source. As for the Police Museum Image, please keep in mind that publication is not the same as creation. The template I mentioned above works off creation (and thus applies in this instance). Publication means made available to broader audiences, usually through reproduction or dissemination of the item. For example, we have a newspaper showing that Loomis' portrait was published in 1915, but we don't have any magazines including the photograph of the police to show it was published; we just know it was created in 1899. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:24, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Where do you see duplicated quotation marks? By the way, I found a source for the police patrol car that was taken in 1899: https://www.clevelandpolicemuseum.org/news/cleveland-police-ambulance-service/ - OpalYosutebito (talk) 23:13, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Hi OpalYosutebito; unfortunately without a source showing proof of publication, we can't say for certain that it was published. It could have sat in a museum for decades until it was uploaded online. I did offer an alternative which is still policy compliant. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 22:54, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
- Regarding the File:Frank F Loomis with paddy wagon.jpg image: I found one on Commons that's pretty much the same thing: File:Polizeifahrzeug der Stadtpolizei Akron, Ohio, 1899.jpg. It has the year of publication in the title, being 1899. I also fixed some of the redundant wording you mentioned and removed a usage of the "paddy wagon" phrase. I still included the fact that they were called "paddy wagons" so people reading the sources don't get confused. - OpalYosutebito (talk) 22:48, 23 December 2024 (UTC)
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