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Talk:Flying Tiger Line Flight 739/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: ---Dough4872 17:12, 23 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Comments:

  1. Citations do not need to be in the lead unless that information is unique to the lead.
  2. The spacing of the citations at the end of sentences needs to be fixed. There does not need to be an extra space between the period and the citation and in between consecutive citations.
  3. "most probably exploded in-flight" sounds awkward.
  4. Combine the sentences "The flight crew consisted of eleven civilians based out of California. [2] It was piloted by Captain Gregory P. Thomas. [4] Four of the crew were women."
  5. The sentence "80 minutes after departure, at 14:22 GMT, the pilot radioed a routine message and gave his position as being 280 miles west of Clark Air Force Base at coordinates (13°40′N 140°0′E / 13.667°N 140°E / 13.667; 140)." should not begin with a numeral, spell it out as "Eighty" instead.
  6. Citation needed for "The aircraft was not seen or heard from again."
  7. Citation needed for "The Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, and Marines ordered aircraft and ships to the area."
  8. The Investigation section consists of many one-sentence paragraphs. These short paragraphs need to be combined together.
  9. Two consecutive references need to be in numerical order, i.e. "[7][9]" not "[9][7]".
  10. In the paragraph "Flying Tiger Lines released a statement outlining some possible reasons for the two occurrences, including sabotage of either or both aircraft, and kidnapping of Flight 739 and its passengers. [9][7] The airline also said that these were merely "wild guesses" and that there was no evidence to support either theory.[9][7]", remove first set of references as it can be supported by the second set at the end of the paragraph.

I am placing the article on hold. ---Dough4872 17:12, 23 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Response

[edit]
  1. Removed references from lead. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:22, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  2. Fixed spacing problem in the citations. (Am pretty sure I got them all, might have missed one; will check again to be sure.) --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:31, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  3. Changed it to "probably exploded in-flight". --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:36, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  4. Combined it to read: "The flight crew consisted of eleven civilians based out of California, including four women. [2]. The pilot was Captain Gregory P. Thomas. [4]" Is that good enough or should the pilot info be somehow combined into the first sentence as well? --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:36, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  5. Changed 80 → Eighty. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:36, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  6. Cited "Not seen or heard from..." sentence; am trying to find a better source. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 02:57, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  7. Added citation for "The Navy..." --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:36, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  8. Combined the two one-sentence paragraph I found (one in Investigation, one in Possibilty of Sabotage) into large paragraphs. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 00:36, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  9. Reordered consecutive references to be in numerical order. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 01:24, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  10. Doubled references (ex. consecutive sentences with same reference(s)) were removed. --Mûĸĸâĸûĸâĸû 01:24, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The article looks good now, so I will pass it. ---Dough4872 22:49, 24 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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