Talk:Ben Franklin (The Office)/GA1
GA Review
[edit]Looking good. Some suggestions:
- Michael, under advice from Todd -- can somebody be "under advice" from someone? Consider rewording.
- while the warehouse is the location of Bob Vance's (Robert R. Shafer) bachelor party -- maybe reword to "while Bob Vance's bechelor party is helf at the warehouse".
- that it's okay to hire a stripper for the bachelor party -- "is is".
- Dwight successfully locates a a stripper -- "a a" :)
- But before the stripper is able to perform the lap dance -- "but" is a conjuction used for joining sentences, not starting them.
- At the bachelor party, Bob Vance refuses a lap dance, so Michael volunteers. But before the stripper is able to perform the lap dance, Michael brings the show to an abrupt close, unwilling to do what he considers cheating on Jan Levinson -- why would Michael volunteer for the lap dance but then immediately refuse? Is this just Michael being his weird, wacky self, or are there some details missing here?
- business-school buddies -- not exactly encyclopedic. Try "friends from business school" or something similar.
- I don't know if it's made clear in the episode, but if it is, it should be mentioned whether Jim orders the Ben Franklin impersonator instead of a stripper by accident or because he thinks it'd be funny. I'm assuming it's got something to do with him being tired...?
- as well as the summer webisodes "The Accountants" -- singular "websidode".
- Right, I see. The Accountants - link here and mention that it's a spin-off miniseries. —97198 talk 11:28, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
- Jackie Debatin, who appeared in "Ben Franklin" as Elizabeth -- at this point, we don't know that Elizabeth was the stripper's name. Maybe reword the Plot section to "While Dwight successfully locates a a stripper, Elizabeth..."
- he said that the Office cast and crew -- "The Office" as the full title.
- Daly especially liked it when the actors "departing from the script and improvising a little." -- doesn't make sense, either change quote to "depart[ed]" or change prose to "when the actors began" or something.
- How about a very generalised statement in the lead summarising the critical reception? There's already a "Ben Franklin" received mixed reviews from critics in the Reception section, so why not just use that again in the lead to go next to the ratings?
Otherwise, nice article. Seven days on hold (you know the drill) so good luck. —97198 talk 04:39, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
- And should the infobox image caption read "Benjamin Franklin"? —97198 talk 05:57, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
- I've fixed your requests. For the clarification issue on Michael and the lap dance, he simply realizes that he shouldn't cheat on Jan, as the article says. And I think for the purpose of clarification and consistency, we should keep the infobox caption as "Ben Franklin". Mastrchf (t/c) 14:04, 9 August 2008 (UTC)
- I wouldn't exactly call it consistency to keep the caption as "Ben" because "Benjamin" is his proper title (and is used at least once elsewhere in the article, as is "Ben" again) regardless of the title of the episode. —97198 talk 01:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
- Not a big deal, anywho. I'll go ahead and pass :) —97198 talk 06:43, 13 August 2008 (UTC)
- I wouldn't exactly call it consistency to keep the caption as "Ben" because "Benjamin" is his proper title (and is used at least once elsewhere in the article, as is "Ben" again) regardless of the title of the episode. —97198 talk 01:45, 10 August 2008 (UTC)
- I've fixed your requests. For the clarification issue on Michael and the lap dance, he simply realizes that he shouldn't cheat on Jan, as the article says. And I think for the purpose of clarification and consistency, we should keep the infobox caption as "Ben Franklin". Mastrchf (t/c) 14:04, 9 August 2008 (UTC)