Talk:Asthma/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sahara4u (talk · contribs) 17:20, 29 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

Its diagnosis is usually made based on the pattern of symptoms, response to therapy over time, and spirometry.[5].... no need of "made" and "over time" → "at times"

Fixed the first, the second is "response to therapy over time". Ie you give the treatment and see if it works. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

As of 2010, 300 million people were affected worldwide. In 2009 asthma caused 250,000 deaths globally.[12] → need to be updated as we are in 2013, also merge these two sentences.

This is the most recent estimates from a 2011 paper by GINA. They do not typically change that fast. Updated the years to match the refs. Merged.Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 11:50, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Signs and symptoms

Symptoms are often worse......→worst

This is just referring to in relation to the day. And not the worst. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Some people with asthma only rarely experience .... no need of "only"

Thanks fixed. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 12:07, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Causes

These factors influence both its severity and how responsive it is to treatment.[18]→These factors influence both its severity and its response to treatment.[18]

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:22, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Environmental

Too many short paragraph even the 1st one is a single sentence, merge them into 2 paras
asthma in children and adults[26][27] as are high .... → refs should come after the period
Many sentences in the article are similarly phrased i.e. "including:[33] respiratory syncytial virus" and "including: allergens" etc. I suggest to avoide the repetition.

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:26, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hygiene hypothesis

...increase rates of asthma worldwide—increased rates of asthma are a direct and unintende.... no need to repeat "increased rates of asthma"
non infectious → non-infectious
It's been proposed that the ... → It has been
Evidence supporting the hygiene hypothesis includes observations of lower rates of asthma seen on farms and in households with pets; however, there are still many uncertainties.[37] → I don't understand what you are trying to say, this needs a complete copyedit
Antibiotic use early in life .... → Use of antbiotic in early life......
...is associated[39] with an increased.... ref should be after period

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:32, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Genetic

is ~25% → "approximately 25%" or "nearly 25%"
Many of these genes are related to the immune system or to modulating inflammation. → no need of 2nd "to"
The genetic trait CD14 single nucleotide polymorphism (SNP) C-159T and exposure to endotoxin (a bacterial product) is an example. → need to be rephrased

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:45, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Medical conditions

...allergic rhinitis, and asthma is called atopy. → remove the comma
....autoimmune disease vasculitis, Churg–Strauss syndrome. → autoimmune diseased vasculitis and Churg–Strauss syndrome.
Other medications that can cause problems include: ASA, NSAIDs, and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53] → Other medications that can cause problems are ASA, NSAIDs and angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitors.[53]

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:50, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Pathophysiology

The typical changes in the airway → airways
Chronically airway smooth muscle may increase in size along with .... → Chronically airways' smooth muscle may increase in size along with ....

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:54, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Diagnosis

There is currently no precise test for asthma[34] with ... ref at the end of the sentence and aagain no need of made later in th ssentence

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:55, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Spirometry

...salbutamol this is supportive of the diagnosis. →.....salbutamol, is supportive of the diagnosis. Also link salbutamol an COPD
...every 1 or 2 years....→ every one or two years
Other → Others?

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:58, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Classification

You may provide key for the table i.e what ≤, > , < mean?

These are standard terms (less than or equal to). Does not need defining IMO. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:34, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

..such as bronchiectasis,chronic bronchitis, and emphysema.[64] → space after the 1st comma

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 13:47, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Asthma exacerbation

Ablue color of the skin → space after A

Exercise-induced

In athletes it occurs more common .... comma after athletes
Link cycling and skiing
....those without asthma[74] however oral.... → ref at the end of the sentence, there may be others.......

Fixed the first two. When the refs only supports half the sentence I prefer to attach them to that bit. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:03, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Occupational

Asthma as a result of (or worsened by) workplace exposures is a commonly reported occupational disease.[77] → comma before is
work related → work-related

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:04, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Management

Bronchodilators are recommended for short-term relief of symptoms.> In..... → remove >

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:05, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Medications

Fast acting → Fast-acting
Long term → Long-term
Other→Others

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:06, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Progesterone needs to be discussed as a medication for the condition. Research shows it to be effective with less side effects. Not widely known yet, but gaining interest by specialists. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 101.113.195.30 (talk) 16:26, 31 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Prognosis

Globally it causes moderate or severe disability in 19.4 million people as of 2004 ... Need to be updated

I have not seen any updates of this number. The source that supports it is from 2008. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:18, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Epidemiology

As of 2011, ~235 million people worldwide.. → As of 2011, approximately/nearly 235 million people worldwide
economically disadvantage → economically disadvantaged
refs should come after periods

Fixed the first two. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:19, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

History

...an incense mixture known as kyphi[130] → full-stop after kyphi
refs should come after periods
In 1873 one of the first papers.... → comma after 1873

Done Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:22, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Images and catergories

All the images need alt text.
You may add more categories

I'll revisit once the above concers are addressed. Good luck! Zia Khan 00:24, 9 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Just noticed this. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 10:35, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Quick glance – References should come after periods. Zia Khan 16:15, 19 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Per what guideline? If have the sentence is support by one ref and the other half is supported by another I prefer to keep the references right next to the content they support. Have changed a few but others I prefer they way they are. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 02:11, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Don't know, but have a look here. Zia Khan 15:13, 20 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

But here it states that what I have been doing is okay [1] Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 03:35, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll revisit in the next 2/3 days! Zia Khan 04:59, 21 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

There is a problem with ref 69. Zia Khan 00:38, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks and fixed. Doc James (talk · contribs · email) (if I write on your page reply on mine) 14:14, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Final Review

GA review (see Wikipedia:Good article criteria and WP:GACN)

Well written.
a (clear and concise prose which doesn't violate copyright laws, grammar and spelling are correct): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, and fiction:
Factually accurate and verifiable.
a (well-referenced): b (citations to reliable sources): c (Wikipedia:No original research):
Broad in its coverage.
a (covers major aspects): b (well-focused):
Neutral .
Fair representation, no bias:
Stable.
No edit wars nor disputed contents:
Illustrated appropriately by images.
a b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Result: Good work, keep it up! Zia Khan 22:53, 27 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Pass/Fail: