Talk:Allison Stokke/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 20:32, 19 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Taking on this review. MWright96 (talk) 20:32, 19 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I am the nominator. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 20:55, 19 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead

I think you should include more of her collegiate career achievements in the second paragraph of the lead to enlargen it

Partly done Expanded the lead a bit. --Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 19:37, 1 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

"After trying gymnastics, she took up pole vaulting while attending Newport Harbor High School" - link gymnastics and pole vaulting
"In her senior year of high school she ranked second" - need a comma between "school" and "she"
"She finished eighth at the national junior championships that year." - national junior championships should have a link to USATF National Junior Olympic Track & Field Championships

Done Emir of Wikipedia (talk)

Internet fame

"in addition to over a million results on search engines." - more than one million search engine results.
"It was noted by the Los Angeles Times," - delinked Los Angeles Times as it is already linked in the first paragraph
"In their book Technology, Power and Culture in the Network Society Brett Hutchins" - comma needed between "Society" and "Brett"

Done Emir of Wikipedia (talk)

Later career

"Stokke reached new heights in her second year at college," - had more success
"scaling 4.21 m (13 ft 91⁄2 in) in Sacramento, California under the watchful eye of Cal coach and former 5-time All-American at UCLA, Scott Slover." - change the text in bold to close observation and five-time respectfully
"and made her debut at the NCAA Women's Division I Outdoor Track and Field Championships," - debuted
"In her last year of collegiate vaulting she did not" - comma needed between "vaulting" and "she"
"However, in 2011 Stokke did place 8th at the" - eighth
"NCAA Indoor Championships held at Texas A&M," - wikilink Texas A&M to Gilliam Indoor Track Stadium
"By 2016, her GoPro videos have received" - reword the text in bold to the videos since GoPro is already mentioned in the prior sentence
Also the source for the above sentence needs not to be the video itself, but an independent website like [1] which has an update figures of the amount of views the video has received
There is some more info on her post-2012 vaulting activities in this source [2] to aid the development of this sub-section

Partly done Still need to work on the last point --Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 20:03, 25 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Reference

References 8, 9 is missing the author
Reference 19 should be completly replaced with the following source [3]
References 20 & 26 are missing the publisher of their respective works

I have added an author for reference 8, but reference 9 has no author named. --Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 16:35, 28 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Done I did the suggestions for reference 19 and 20, changed the one for 26 to the publisher website. --Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 21:22, 29 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Progress

This review will be put on hold for the time being. MWright96 (talk) 15:58, 20 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the quick review MWright96, I have already added your suggestions for the early life section and will hopefully complete the rest tomorrow. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 20:47, 20 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Apologies, only managed to do the Internet fame section over the weekend. I'll try and finish the rest off over the upcoming week. --Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 19:28, 22 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry MWright96 if you feel like I've been going to slowly with this. I can understand if you decide to fail this considering that I have not implemented all your suggestions in over a week. Not been able to dedicate that much time and concentration to Wikipedia recently due to personal issues. Thanks for your work here, but I can't imagine that I will get this done before the weekend and will accept whatever decision you make. Emir of Wikipedia (talk) 20:29, 2 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Emir of Wikipedia: I will give you all the time that you need to complete this article and will only consider failing it if the remaining issues cannot be addressed. MWright96 (talk) 14:53, 5 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Unfortunately, since the nominator is inactive and unable to correct the remaining issues, I have taken the decision to fail this nomination. The article itself has potential to attain GA status and can be re-nominated in the future. MWright96 (talk) 16:23, 12 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]