Talk:Adel Aref

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Consensus on How to Remove "advertisement"

I have improved some of the tone and removed what could be perceived as advertisement language but the tag still exists. I believe this is due to the number of commercial brands mentioned, but this is relevant to this bio since the person works in sports entertainment and fashion. Tennisfan83 (talk) 10:31, 2 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I do not see much improvement since I added the "advert" banner. There are still a lot of uncited claims which appear to be puffery. A few examples below:

"making him the youngest professional referee in the sport."
"As a result of his exceptional work skills, he shed light on a region that was previously unknown to the rest of the world."
"Often described as a "very discreet man","
"under the meticulous supervision of Adel"
"has been blazing a trail for Arab and African tennis for many years,"
"The news provoked a massive wave of excitement within the Tennis world"
"one of his most memorable accomplishments"
"the world’s leading luxury affinity marketing group"

There are more, but this gives examples. It would help if these had citations added to make clear who said them. As you have only edited this article could you also say whethere you are connected to the subject of the article and therefore have a conflict of interest?— Rod ^talk 12:42, 2 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, this is extremely helpful, thank you.

I will add citations where possible !

No I'm not related nor connected to them, I'm just a massive fan :)

Cheers Tennisfan83 (talk) 14:00, 2 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I have now added a few sources whenever a citation was required. Is this better? Tennisfan83 (talk) 14:55, 2 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I have taken a couple of bits out, but there is more to do. For example "Because Adel Aref was already passionate about events" is not neutral in tone. "He umpired games at the world's most prestigious tennis tournaments" is not referenced and would need a source explicitly saying that. Thanks for working on this. Tacyarg (talk) 15:06, 2 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your guidance on this, extremely helpful and educational. Ive re-read and tried to improve. Is this better? Tennisfan83 (talk) 08:22, 25 March 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hiya, is there anything else you'd recommend I do to improve it? Thank you Tennisfan83 (talk) 13:54, 30 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Tennisfan83: I removed the {{help}} template as your question is about content.

The 'Le Carré' section needs to be reworked, as it currently seems to be conveying unattributed opinions.

The section 'Managing Ons Jabeur' has a formatting problem that you should try to fix.

The section on Darna uses the word "surrogate" which, in English, has taken on a special meaning that does not apply here. Surrogate mothers carry a pregnancy for another person. I think perhaps "foster" might better convey what the organization is doing. But your cite only identifies Adel as associated with the organization; the rest of the paragraph talking about the organization and its aims needs to be a) cited to a source that explains the organization and b) reworded so the aims of the organization are not expressed as facts in Wikipedia's voice. Those aims could be explicitly attributed to someone as their opinion in a quote, perhaps, but not as a bare fact.

Saying "globally renowned" is more puffery to get rid of.

In my opinion, the article would read better if you did not chop it up into such short sections. A flow of ordinary prose describing the past and ongoing developments in his career might make it seem more like a biography and less like a CV. — jmcgnh^{(talk) (contribs)} 15:03, 30 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]