Wikipedia:Peer review/Dookie/archive1

Dookie

Hi. I have requested a Peer Review, to help make this article better so we can set this for review for GA later. Just two days ago, the article was in extremely bad shape, but yesterday, I entirely revamped the entire article. If anyone can help, it would truly make my dream of making a recognized article in Wikipedia true! Thanks a lot! Xihix 21:50, 16 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Jayron32

This looks close to GA ready. Still not perfect, though, and on a first read through, I caught the following issues which could be addressed. This may someday be FA ready, really, parts are that good. However, these items stand out:

"The hit single "Basket Case", which went on to chart on many albums worldwide[10][11][12][13][14], " one or two tags in a row is OK, but in situations where FIVE references are cited, consider encasing all five between a single set of ref /ref tags will improve readability. Also, I don't think you mean the word albums. Do you mean that it charted in many NATIONS worldwide? In many PUBLICATIONS worldwide?
In the previous paragraph, there is the opposite problem. The same reference tag is listed after EACH sentance. If the whole paragraph is referenced to a single source, one tag at the end is sufficient.
Also, the lead lists 4 singles as notable, " "Longview", the re-recorded "Welcome To Paradise", "Basket Case", and "When I Come Around". " However, the article details a different 4 singles ("She" is detailed instead of "When I Come Around".) At the end, it lists all 5 singles as released. For completeness, the article should probably discuss all 5. Actually, for completeness, the article should discuss the entire album. VH1 did a 1 hour special on the making of this album. That could provide some key source information.
The section "Album name and art" needs work. It is hard to follow and the writing is quite awkward. For example, "The name of the album originated from the band members' habit of eating food on the road while touring that had often turned bad.[7] This resulted in the members having to take bowel movements, in which most of time was diarrhea, and the band called this Liquid Dookie[7]. After trying to think of an album name, the band decided that it would be funny if they named the album Liquid Dookie[6], however, they changed it to simply Dookie, as they thought people would find the original name "too gross."[7]" could be rewritten "While on tour, the band frequently experienced diarrhea, which they named "Liquid Dookie". They at first originally considered naming the album this, but considered it "too gross" and so shortened the name to "Dookie"..." or something like that. The whole section needs work.
The "Accolades" section needs hard work. Convert this section to prose, and include the accolades music website as an inline footnote for a reference, not in the body of the article.

Good luck. Like I said, its pretty good in places, but still needs that extra push to get it over the hump. Happy editing! --Jayron32|talk|contribs 03:49, 18 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Alright man, I'm going to download the two documentaries again to help me get more info again. Thanks for all the tips, I'll be doing them as soon as I can. Xihix 00:24, 19 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by JetLover

I think this article is quite jolly good. Has plenty of sources, and even a soundtrack you can download. That is all great, but I do think it could be a bit longer. Some of the sections, such as the Dookie tour aren't that long. A bit of expansion may be needed. Cheers, JetLover ^(talk) 03:21, 19 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Tommy Stardust

Great job on the article so far! However, the problems I found:

The less successful single, "She", is written about a former girlfriend of Armstrong after his relationship with Adrienne (who would later end up marrying Armstrong), who showed him a paper about female empowerment entitle "She". In return, Armstrong wrote the song and showed it to her. She later moved to Ecuador, prompting Armstrong to put the song on the album. - needs to be rewritten completely, none of it makes sense..."less successful single 'She'"?(The charts show it more successful than Welcome to Paradise), "entitle 'She'"? and what does here moving to Ecuador have to do with him putting the song on the record? Also link adrienne. No need to use the same citation 3 times, once at the end of the paragraph will do.
vocals, guitar and percussion on "All By Myself". - Reads like he did all 3 on that song.
"They maintain throughout the record, making Dookie a stellar piece of modern punk that many tried to emulate but nobody bettered." - Needs rewriting.
Insomniac, one of the band's most hardest album - Hard in what way? Difficult or hard rock? And "most hardest"?
anger of all the criticism - change of to at.
Too much overlinking with Longview, Basketcase, Dirnt and Cool being linked everywhere. Also, Green day neednt be linked after the beginning.
with Longview and Basket Case both being nominated - put quotations.
I dont think the singles list in the infobox is necessary; looks bad too.

Needs a thorough copy-edit to check for minor problems, but overall excellent researchwas done. Tommy Stardust 07:38, 19 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! However, let me say a few things:

The Ecuador thing was talked about in the interview, that her moving prompted him to put it on. He wasn't planning on putting it on, from what I read.
That "They maintain throughout..." part is a quote from a review site, as I mentioned right before, so I don't think I shold change it around.
I'll be more specific on the hardest album, thanks.
I actually modeled a lot of the article on other albums that have an FA status. All of them had a singles box in the infobox.

Xihix 15:02, 19 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]