User talk:T. Belrose/sandbox

I would consider revising/simplifying this sentence in your introductory paragraph: "During the years specified in the Commission's mandate, former President Slobodan Milosevic was standing trial before...": it's unclear which years you are referring to and the sentence is complicated --Jgrubb12 (talk) 14:50, 18 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps it would be useful to either elaborate on your "Findings" section, or to combine your "Findings" and "Criticism" section. The information is similar so it might help to rename the heading, and combine both information --Jgrubb12 (talk) 14:54, 18 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

comments on final draft

An interesting story even though this was an ineffective TRC. There is some repitition eg "Since the Commission required a mandate from the president of Yugoslavia (a position that did not exist after the disbanding of Yugoslavia), the work could not be continued" and"Due to the premature end of the Commission, a formal report was never submitted. As far as it is known, no hearings were ever held nor were any interviews ever conducted" both appears in the intro and body as well. I'd advise you to re-word or delete one of the occurrences.

Otherwise, please go ahead and move your article to the Wikipedia mainspace. Tips on doing this appear in the “Moving Out of Your Sandbox” handout, at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Classroom_handout_-_moving_out_of_your_sandbox.pdf

You may also wish to consult, before the final deadline at the end of next week, the handout on “Polishing Your Article” at https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Polishing_your_articles.pdf Dwebsterbu (talk) 19:24, 23 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]