User:Misshaifa/Shkoon/Matibraps Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

Grace - @Misshaifa

Link to draft you're reviewing

User:Misshaifa/Shkoon

Evaluate the drafted changes

Hi Grace! Please find my peer review for your article below:

Lead

Guiding questions:

Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?: The lead of your article is very clear and concise yet has all the pertinent information that I could imagine it would need. I appreciate the added Arabic pronunciation of the band's name and the summarizing aspect of the lead, which got me excited to read more about your topic.
Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic?: Yes, the first sentence of the lead tells me exactly what your subject is, namely a musical band based in Hamburg, Germany. If I had to add one thing to this sentence, I might add that they were formed in 2015 in this first sentence, but the information follows right up so it is not a big deal at all.
Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?: Not necessarily, but I believe it is clear enough to understand what will be discussed later on, especially since there is a contents box right below which details these major sections.
Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article?: No, everything present in the lead is detailed later on, so good job with that!
Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?: As mentioned above, the lead is very clear and concise and does not need to be cut in my opinion.

Content

Guiding questions:

Is the content added relevant to the topic?: Yes, the most part of the contents box is clear and pertinent to me. However, I find that section 1.2 "Early life and background" could be a bit more clear, as it talks about both of the artists in the band separately. In this sense, maybe a name that includes this division between both artists in their respective early lives/backgrounds would be clearer. I am also unsure of the use of the word "Discovery" for section 3 which is all about the band's album. Perhaps the word "Discography" would work better here?
Is the content added up-to-date?: Yes, the contents are up to date as the latest updates and albums of the band are included in the contents.
Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?: I was thinking maybe an "Awards" section would be pertinent, but that is assuming that there are awards that were granted to the band, so maybe it is not relevant. Other than that, everything seems in order and has its place there.
Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?: Yes, I had personally never heard of the band although I am half Arabic myself. Outside of the Spanish musical realm, Western traditional media is not known for facilitating the discovery of music in other languages or pertaining to other cultures, so your article did a great job at shedding light on a very cool and interesting musical band which is, in my opinion, underrepresented in media as we know it.

Tone and Balance

Guiding questions:

Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? Potentially. I mean, I definitely finished reading it and was in favor of this band helping spread a message of cultural diversity to communities outside of the Arab world. However, from the sources cited, it seems as though that is a big part of the band's message and "brand" as a whole. Magda has mentioned in class, however, that many articles do get deleted by Wikipedia for being promotional, and maybe some of the language used might be seen as persuasive by Wikipedia editors since it is a platform that prides itself on being 100% unbiased and factual, but I personally have not felt an active attempt at being persuaded whilst reading your article.
Is the content added neutral?: I would say that it is neutral and unbiased in the most part, but that some areas could be seen as not totally neutral. For example, the sentence "More specifically, their music blends influences from electronic downbeat, deep house, dub, and hip-hop, combining piano, violin, synthesizers, percussion, and vocals with a fusion of oriental melodies and Western electronic rhythms. Therefore, their music is a message of cultural diversity." is followed by a citation which leads to the band's Spotify account, which does not exactly state that the band is, in fact, contributing to cultural diversity. While this is implied through their chosen genres which build bridges between various msical styles from various cultures, it may not be seen as factual to a Wikipedia editor. In addition, I believe the following sentences might portray the band in a "promotional" way: 1. "Their concerts consistently sell out, with fans queuing for hours in advance to immerse themselves in the new musical spheres." This sentence may feel promotional as it puts a lot of emphasis on how excited and enthusiast the fans were for their concerts rather than simply stating that they were, in fact, sold out. 2. "Yet, their bond was powerful enough to make him reconsider his decision." I would maybe not say that this sounds promotional, but maybe romanticized in the way that it is using language which might feel a bit narrative rather than strictly neutral and factual. I would maybe try this instead: "Yet, in the end, he decided to pursue his musical career alongside Ameen Khayer."
Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?: It is evident that the position is that the band's popularity helped in sharing Arabic music to other cultures, but since this claim which is present throughout the article is consistently backed up with evidence, I believe that it does not count as being "biased". As mentioned in the previous question, I think it is more so a question of using the right language to make sure that everything is as neutral as possible, rather than changing the tone of the article as a whole.
Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? I do not believe there are any, no.

Sources and References

Guiding questions:

Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information?: The article includes several references, such as NPR, Vice, and France 24, which are generally reliable. They are secondary sources and have not been written or produced by the members of Shkoon themselves, which adds credibility and obviously makes your article adhere to the guidelines of Wikipedia, so overall I believe you did a great job at finding reliable sources!
Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? (You'll need to refer to the sources to check this.): The content seems aligned with the sources for the majority of them. However, sometimes, a source is cited which does not directly corroborates the information written in the article. For example, this sentence, : "Shkoon's music is a mix of oriental melodies and occidental electronic." is backed up by a source which leads the reader to Shkoon's Spotify page, which does not explicitly explain exactly what is in the sentence but rather gives an opportunity to the reader to listen to their music and make up their own opinion on the type of music they play. Perhaps reviewing the used citations and making sure that everything that is claimed is clearly stated in each one would be a good idea, but for most of the ones I clicked one, the claims were indeed backed up by very clear sources.
Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic?: The references are somewhat varied, with news coverage and interviews being mostly present within the references. I think, perhaps, including journal articles on the cultural influence of Arab electronic music could add some depth to the article. Exploring musicology publications or academic sources, if available, would add scholarly insight and allow you to back up claims about the band's contributions to cultural diversity, for example.
Are the sources current?: Yes, most sources are up-to-date, with recent articles providing a timely perspective on the band's latest work and influence.
Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible?: There are sources in German, and a source from the outlet "Arab news", so I would say that they do indeed reflect varied media backgrounds and can provide different cultural perspective on Shkoon, yes.
Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.): As stated above, using peer reviewed or scholarly articles on, for instance, topics of Arab electronic music as a whole or refugees' experiences in art could improve credibility. However, I did some research and the cited sources seem to be the most relevant online in pertaining directly to the band itself, so I would say that while there is always room for improvement, the current sources are pertinent.
Check a few links. Do they work?: Yes, the links that I have tried do work.

Organization

Guiding questions:

Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read?: The content is well-written and overall, the article consists of an easy read. To improve readability and flow, I would possibly restructure the sentences in the "Formation and name" section, which I believe currently have more of a narrative tone and could therefore be simplified into more factual, straight-forward sentences. For example, the sentences: "Ameen loved to sing Mawwal and Thorben was a musician, their musical bond was a coincidence that led to the start of their collaboration. Ameen had never pursued music before, but he was passionate about Arabic music. " could be consolidated to "Ameen, while not formally trained in music, enjoyed singing Mawwal and was passionate about Arabic music. Thorben, a trained musician, joined him in a spontaneous jam session, which sparked their collaboration."
Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors?: I did not notice any grammatical or spelling error in your article.
Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic?: The sections do follow a logical order. I think diving the two parts of "Early life and background," having one sub heading for each musician, would help make it easier to follow.

Overall impressions

Guiding questions:

Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article: This is a first-time draft which has not yet been published and therefore not yet improved in a second round of edits, but yes, the content contributes to a clear, well-rounded profile on Shkoon by covering their individual backgrounds, formation, styles, and discography. It enhances the reader's prompt understanding of their musical and cultural significance.
What are the strengths of the content added?: The content is informative and generally well-organized with mostly clear section headers that guide the reader through the article in a meaningful way. In the lead, the addition of the Arabic pronunciation of Shkoon is a great detail, making the article both accessible to Western anglophones, and, especially, inclusive and real. The article maintains relevance all throughout, with detailed accounts of the members' personal lives without going too deep into it. I believe this balance is one of the greatest strengths of your article, keeping it focused on music but also providing historical and cultural context. It is referencing diverse sources from varied cultural voices, reflecting the band's impact and reach worldwide.
How can the content added be improved?: I think your article could benefit from a few changes to improve neutrality, readability, and scholarly depth (if possible and pertinent in your eyes). For example, adjusting language that may appear promotional or overly narrative could better align with Wikipedia's strict tone standards. Diving sections like "Early life and background" into separate subheadings and slightly modifying some of the heading names (such as "Discography") could improve structure. For sourcing, potentially adding peer-reviewed articles or discussions on Arab electronic music or cultural influence could add some scholarly notability, balancing the existing media sources with academic perspectives and reinforcing claims on cultural diversity specifically.

Additional Questions:

Does your peer have 5-7 reliable sources?: Yes, it has 9 reliable secondary sources and the band's Spotify which is a primary source, totalling 10 sources.
Does the topic link in some way to our course material?: Yes, in the sense that it gives voice and notability in the online realm to a band which proudly shares the Arab culture with the world, often marginalized in Western paradigms. However, it does not have any ties to gender in the media, from my understanding.

Thank you for reading my review! - Mathilde