Talk:Statue of James S. T. Stranahan/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Ado2102 (talk · contribs) 01:25, 30 July 2021 (UTC)
Will add comments here Ado2102 (talk) 01:43, 30 July 2021 (UTC)
GAR Criteria: Well-written: yes, except lead needs a little work as discussed below. Verifiable: yes Broad: almost yes, a couple points where there might be a little unnecessary detail, see below Neutral: yes Stable: yes Illustrated: yes, very nice photo
Verdict: putting on hold to allow nominator to review comments.
- Update: revised according to comments, well-written - PASS; broad - PASS. Great work! Ado2102 (talk) 14:50, 2 August 2021 (UTC)
Comments on lead
[edit]According to the AIC entry you linked, the statue's title is J.S.T. Stranahan. Right now there is no bold item in the first sentence as preferred at Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Would it be possible to add this somehow? Here's a suggested rewrite:
- J.S.T. Stranahan is a bronze statue in Brooklyn's Prospect Park in New York City. Designed by Frederick William MacMonnies and erected in 1891 near the park's entrance at Grand Army Plaza, it honors James S. T. Stranahan, a businessman from Brooklyn who served on the city's park commission and was instrumental in Prospect Park's creation.
- Rewrote lede to incorporate italicized name.
I think the lead could use one more sentence saying something about the statue as a piece of artwork or in popular culture or generally anything about it. Maybe something like "The statue has been praised for its realism" (or whatever else about it is notable). I also think its inscription is very remarkable, and might merit inclusion in the lead as something people are trying to look up and don't want to hunt for. Something like:
- "Its inscription includes the Latin phrase LECTOR SI MONUMENTUM REQUIRIS CIRCUMSPICE ("Reader, if you seek his monument, look around you") which also marks the tomb of Christopher Wren.
- Expanded lede to incorporate more information.
Comments on History
[edit]The biographical detail seems unnecessary to the context of the statue; it would be better placed in the biography page. The section could start "As Brooklyn park commissioner in the 1860s, Stranahan championed the creation of Prospect Park.
Side note: his biography says he was Brooklyn park commissioner, and the writeup makes it sound like maybe he was NYC park commissioner, but this was pre-consolidation right?
The names of the park's designers don't seem relevant to the statue's history.
The date of Stranahan's death doesn't seem relevant either at this point in the narrative.
What seems relevant is that the park was built between 1867-1873, i.e., it was completed during his tenure as commissioner.
"dinner held in his honor" -> Stranahan's honor?
I think the history of the award for the statue might fit better in the next section (Design).
The subsequent history of the statue seems like it would be: "It has stood there ever since," right? (don't need to add that, just, that's the story of the statue, unless it was ever moved or something.
Comments on design
[edit]I'd consider adding the award information as a subsection after the initial paragraphs on the design.
- Ado2102, hi, just wanted to ping you and let you know that I made some edits to the page that address your concerns and comments about the state of the article. I've moved some pieces around and simplified the History section and believe that I addressed everything here. Thank you for starting this review, and if there are any further questions, comments, or concerns, please let me know. Thanks, JJonahJackalope (talk) 00:55, 2 August 2021 (UTC)
- JJonahJackalope great, thanks, I will review.