Talk:Sigma Harmonics/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Damien Linnane (talk · contribs) 16:32, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Issue below are listed in order of their appearance in the article.

"a member of an ancient line" - I feel like this could be explained better. What kind of ancient line/what does the ancient line do? Also I feel link the entire sentence this is in is too long and could be broken up somehow anyway.
"No version of the game has left Japan" - interesting, but the fact that multiple versions exist has not been mentioned in the lead yet. Also the wording here is interesting. Would it be better to say no version has been released outside Japan?
"better-selling original titles, selling 70,000" - two uses of 'selling' in one sentence could be avoided. How about replacing the second instance with 'shipping'? Or feel free to choose a better term.
"the player controls Sigma has he explores Kurogami Mansion and solves." - Huh? This sentence seems to end abruptly, and also seems to have a typo as well.
"represented with a grid containing black nodes representing" - I'd try and reword this to not use 'represented' and 'representing' so close together.
"A key element of battle is the ability for Neon can also change her" - the grammar seems wrong here.
"a resource called SP" - I'm guessing the game never clarifies what SP stands for?
"The two realise that someone released demons from the Great Clock and this caused a change in time." - how about "The two realise that someone has released demons from the Great Clock, causing a change in time."?
"with a fantastic twist." - what does this mean? What's fantastic about it?
I'd wikilink middleware, as well as sprite and MIDI.
"A scenario initially unique to the event was used for the demo" - can you go into more detail here?

All links are either live or archived. All images have appropriate licenses. Copyvio Detector finds no issues. Very close to passing; well done. Placing on hold until issues are addressed. Damien Linnane (talk) 17:03, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Damien Linnane: I think I've addressed everything you raised. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:02, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Looks really good. I'm happy to pass this now. I will note however that I don't fully understand what the sentence "the mobile port included a section designed for a stage demo" means. As in I'm not sure what "stage demo" refers to in this instance. But I'm not going to hold up the review just for this, just something to keep in mind for potential rewording. Damien Linnane (talk) 00:43, 11 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]