Talk:New Zealand Division/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Peacemaker67 (talk · contribs) 00:08, 7 January 2015 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	no duplinks no dablinks checklinks tool ok dashes are compliant double-vowel hyphenation isn't consistent, ie re-organisation and also reoccupy, reorganised and reattached  Done hyphenation now consistent LeadY suggest During the latter stages of the war, the New Zealand Division was the strongest infantry division on the Western Front. After the armistice, it served on occupation duties in Germany before being disbanded in 1919.  Done BackgroundY of the First World War  Done suggest of the then  Done were the basis  Done Formation a mounted rifles regiment. Is this a reference to the Otago Mounted Rifle Regiment? If so, I'd use it in the text.Otago Mounted Rifles Regiment  Done wl field artillery and howitzer  Done worth stating Etaples is in France (as distinct from Belgium, for example)  Done Western FrontY just the heading per 1b  Done Battle of the SommeY suggest After a period of refit and training, in September 1916 the New Zealand Division was attached to XV Corps which, at the time, was participating in the Somme Offensive.  Done not sure what by alternative units means?  Done Have had a go at reworking this. del in warfare  Done planned for the 4th Battalion  Done and allowed the 3rd Battalion  Done its portion of the Blue Line  Done captured the Flers village  Done The 1st Battalion of the Rifle Brigade and drop the comma after  Done secure its first objective  Done wl counterattack  Done suggest breaking this sentence up It was a successful day for the division; it had captured the most ground of all the divisions of XV Corps involved in the battle and reached all four of its objectives although it ended the day in possession of three plus Flers village, which was actually in 41st Division's sector.  Done suggest The high ground was undefended, and the 1st Brigade easily captured it under the cover of a creeping barrage. Two days later, Factory Corner formed the launchpad for a further attack by the brigade and the neighbouring 55th Division on two more trenchlines, designated Gird Trench and Gird Support.  Done two battalions of the 2nd Brigade  Done which fell was to fall  Done suggest joined the fighting  Done Re-organisationY it would embarked  Done suggest for laboring work in the corps rear area  Done relieve the 36th Division.  Done Battle of MessinesY of Flanders  Done the first of which was the capture of Messines Ridge by II ANZAC Corps.  Done was ordered to capture Messines village which was to push the front line out  Done via a series of outposts, designated the Dotted Black Line. This outpost line would serve as the starting point for the advance of the 4th Australian Division, which was to continue the attack to what was designated as the Green Line, a mile from the crest of the ridge.  Done wl Mining (military)  Done and the British 25th Division. They quickly moved...  Done wl prisoner-of-war  Done They continued to advance into stiffening resistance, but these opponents, soldiers of the 40th (Saxon) and 3rd (Bavarian) Divisions, were soon dealt with and the outskirts of Messines village were within sight.  Done The 3rd Battalion of the Rifle Brigade was attacking the village when it was slowed by two machine gun posts. however, in this section it is easy to get confused between the 3rd Brigade and the Rifle Brigade, which I presume from the ORBAT template are the same formation?  Done (and fixed elsewhere in the article as well for sake of consistency). I suggest you use the clearly defining regional names for the battalions where they existed, it helps to clarify who we are talking about. For example, when mentioning the 1st Brigade's 2nd Battalion, it would probably be better to refer to them as the 1st Battalion, Wellington Regiment, or 1st (Wellington) Battalion. It appears very confusing that there were four 1st battalions in the 1st Brigade etc. Is there a way to make this clearer?  Done I have gone through and tweaked the text throughout to better identify the relevant battalions. In a few cases, I didn't think it was useful to do so. Let me know what you think. captured ground. These casualties were inflicted despite Russell's attempts to keep the number of soldiers in the front line defences to a minimum and rely on artillery and machine guns as his primary means for defending against counterattacks.  Done Ypres OffensiveY II Anzac should be II ANZAC for consistency with the rest of the article  Done suggest by winter through a series  Done Battle of BroodseindeY distances should be presented consistently, here in metres twice, earlier in yards, also convert  Done The 4th Brigade moved  Done 3rd Australian Division and rm the wl here and wl up at first mention in the Messines section  Done 1st Infantry Brigade  Done and the ground quickly became boggy  Done Despite this, fFor  Done 600 wounded. In the 1st Brigade, 192 were killed along with 700 wounded. avoiding unnecessary parentheses  Done suggest The British divisions of Godley's II ANZAC Corps were to be involved in the initial attack, which was to be followed by an advance on Passchendaele by the New Zealand Division on 12 October.  Done First Battle of PasschendaeleY engineering commanders  Done through their predecessors to take the Blue Line Oops, not sure if I have done this or not. The text has changed a bit so can't work out where this goes. the brigade confusion continues (Rifle vs 3rd Brigade)  Done 3rd Australian Division in two places  Done wl 9th (Scottish) Division and use the same format further down  Done suggest The plan ordered both New Zealand brigades to advance with a one-battalion frontage, with three battalions of each brigade leapfrogging each other in sequence to capture objectives, designated as the Red, Blue and Green Lines, the last of which was Goudberg Spur.  Done Bit confused over the final NZ objective here, Bellevue or Goudberg Spur?  Done have revised the text to make it a bit clearer how Bellevue and Goudberg Spurs relate to each other. as did machine gun fire from  Done arranged in two belts, generally wire is described as being in belts  Done but were soon tooalso held up  Done attack the German pillboxes  Done which COs were killed?  Done have reworded to avoid impression that these were senior officers pushing on to and push on to  Done gunfire into  Done and would remained  Done Winter 1917–18Y renaming as XXI Corps. The renamed corps  Done the village of Tiber  Done worth pointing out the Reutelbeek was a stream  Done the way the Canterbury and Otago Battalions are mentioned here makes sense to me. Perhaps adopt this approach throughout?  Done as mentioned above of the 2nd Infantry Brigade  Done Brigadier General Braithwaite per MOS:SURNAME  Done On recovery, Braithwaite just for clarity  Done wl William Massey  Done In other organisational changes, a divisional machine gun battalion was formed with the previously independent companies attached to each brigade. The New Zealand Pioneer Battalion divested itself of its company of Pākehā soldiers, which meant that it became a solely Maori unit, apart from its senior officers. needs wl to Pākehā and an explanation that it means "European-descent"  Done I opted to redraft this section. Spring OffensiveY section heading needs "The" deleted  Done However, tT  Done had been improved  Done Harry Fulton per MOS:SURNAME  Done two separate but disorganised infantry attacks  Done push on to  Done renowned Done Hundred Day OffensiveY section heading needs "The" deleted  Done Third Army should be wl at first mention  Done across a 15 kilometres  Done by the 1st and 2nd  Done with the 2nd are they Infantry Brigades, or just Brigades, should be consistent throughout unless designations changed.  Done battalions from the 1st Brigade  Done from the 2nd and 3rd  Done the 2nd Division mentioned here, is it the British 2nd Division? If so, wl.  Done wl Selle  Done del "on 5 November" already stated it was the following day  Done for it was relieved on that night by 9 November doesn't make sense  Done I think Beauvois-en-Cambrésis is what is meant, also wl it  Done Occupation duties and disbandmentY The first unit to leave the division was the Pioneer Battalion, and additional men were sent to England on leave. They remained there until transportation to New Zealand could be arranged.  Done MemorialsY
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	per MOS:HEADINGS, we generally don't start headings with "The"  Done the lead could do with a little expansion to ensure it is a good summary of the whole article  Done have expanded, how does it look now? citation 116 should be pp.  Done
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	did the division have an identification symbol like the Australian colour patches? The various battalions had similar patches and the Rifle Brigade had unique badges as well but other than an NZEF cap badge/shoulder titles there wasn't a divisional patch. no battle honours are listed? No, as far as I can make out these were awarded at regimental level, not at divisional level. Gray (2010) says that the battle honours of the wartime regiments were inherited by the Territorial Force regiments of their respective military districts.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.	All files appear PD.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	performing is incorrectly spelt in the infobox  Done I think in the context of the Spree Farm pic, it should be "New Zealand engineers"  Done the rest are relevant and the captions are suitable
	7. Overall assessment.	Placing on hold for seven days for the above comments to be addressed. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 13:52, 10 January 2015 (UTC) Passing now. Perhaps at the tough end of GAR, but this review will set you in good stead for ACR. Look forward to seeing it there. Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 11:34, 14 January 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments Peacemaker67, I will go through and action the necessary changes over the next few days. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 01:26, 11 January 2015 (UTC)

No worries. If you need any extra time, let me know. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 01:35, 11 January 2015 (UTC)

Peacemaker67, I have finished dealing with the items requiring attention above, but there are a few things that you just need to confirm you are happy with. Thanks for the detailed review, it is really helpful as this will go to ACR once you are happy with my amendments. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 09:31, 14 January 2015 (UTC)

Happy with all the work you've done. Look forward to seeing it at ACR. Really good article, well done. Regards, Peacemaker67 (crack... thump) 11:34, 14 January 2015 (UTC)