Talk:John Mayberry Jr./GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Secret (talk · contribs) 21:01, 8 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this article per request in the next few days. Thanks Secret ^account 21:01, 8 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The basketball statement is not mentioned in the main body of the text, and "he was suited for basketball" is not in the source, remove.
"Ultimately, however, baseball was his first love, and in the 2002 Major League Baseball Draft, the Seattle Mariners drafted him out of high school (28th overall), however he chose not to sign, instead attending Stanford, where he played three years before being drafted, played for the United States national baseball team at the World University Baseball Championship in 2004." That's one huge run-on sentence with grammar issues as well, fix.
"ultimately reaching Triple-A (AAA) level" Wikilink Triple-A
"With the Phillies, he started in AAA, however was called up to the Phillies' major league team by May of the succeeding year, hitting a home run as his first major league hit in his first game." Doesn't flow right... fix the obvious grammar issue between "however" and "was" and rewrite the second half of the sentence
"Though he was sent back to the minors a few weeks later and spent the majority of the 2009 and 2010 seasons there, he returned to the major league squad in 2010 as a September callup, and has remained their since, absent a short stint in Triple-A in 2011." a incomplete run-on sentence? wow
"Mayberry opened the 2011 season with the major league Phillies, and played over 100 games on the big-league club, splitting time between outfield and first base, as well as pinch hitting." Major league is redundant, big-league club should be "them"
He remained with the big-league club in 2012, and played predominantly in left field early in the season, and subsequently as the team's everyday centerfielder following a trade. What trade?
"expectations for him were low, and he still managed to fail to live up to them, hitting just .227 with 11 home runs." If expectations were low, how can someone still fail to meet them, sounds like PoV, remove.
"Mayberry has never reached his full potential as a major league player." Again personal opinion, remove.
"Mayberry has a degree in political science, and once aroused controversy over the method by which he sought to attain a date with a character from Pirates of the Caribbean." I'm not sure if the second part is necessary from the lead, seems too minor of a controversy.

I caught at least 13 errors just in the league in the lead, which is too much. This article needs a proper copyedit by an uninvolved copyeditor and I'm failing the article for now as the prose is a mess. Ask someone in WP:BASEBALL to got through the prose and renominate it for GA where I will re-review it. Sorry Secret ^account 17:04, 15 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]