Talk:Charles Adler Jr.

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Biography

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

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Peer Review

The content is easy to understand, but could be more concise. For example, the sentence “he is most known for developing devices meant to improve transportation safety . . .” should read “he developed devices meant to improve transportation safety. . .” The article should also use active voice rather than passive voice. The sentence “Adler was born to a wealthy family in Baltimore, Maryland” uses passive voice.

There is a lot of overlinking. For example, links to imagination, train, national government, foundation, accelerate, inauguration, and safety are unnecessary.

His inventions are well documented, but there isn’t much about his personal and family life beyond his academic struggles.

Make sure every sentence is backed up by facts. For example, the following sentence does not have a neutral point of view: “Although many of his inventions were ahead of their time, they set the tone for future research into safety issues.”

“Late Life” should come last, because it interrupts the sections about his inventions. Additionally, the final closing remarks about Adler’s altruistic outlook are biased and out of place. Consider a section on his personal views. Besides these sections, everything is fairly chronological.

- Burrito757,SpeedyNoodle Burrito757 (talk) 14:09, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]