Draft talk:May-Li Khoe

Autumn 2024 Educational Project Page

This page is part of an Educational Project by students of LIUC, Italy, with a course page at: [1]https://outreachdashboard.wmflabs.org/courses/LIUC_-_Universit%C3%A0_Cattaneo/Digital_Technology_(October_-_December,_2024) . The users of the group are new to the Wikipedia platform, have completed mandatory Training for Students, and are learning to edit following Wikipedia rules. They are open to any advice on improvements of the page in conformity to Wikipedia requirements and guidelines, and any help useful for the enhancement of the page will be gladly accepted. The student Usernames are:

• Liucalex01
• Francescoboniotti
• LIUCbenedetta10
• LIUCRiccardo10
• Meister L
• LiucBerti
• LIUCcarola10

Issues or questions can be referred direct to the users or to their tutor @Limelightangel Limelightangel (talk) 14:02, 28 October 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 1/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) sections and look at good practice other pages. They do not have an 'Introduction'. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section.
• there are no sources. Do not add new content without sources. See: Wikipedia:referencing for beginners
• the 3 brief lines have missing punctuation, no structure, incorrect grammar and no sources.
• Needs an Infobox: find a relevant Infobox template from Wikipedia:List of infoboxes and look at Template:Infobox person, and use this templare correctly, or find a similar page with a relevant Infobox, and use this. Note that these are templates with rules on how they are used and for acceptable field content/format

Limelightangel (talk) 17:31, 1 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 09:38, 6 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 06/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• the lead section has no sources
• fundamental issues with style: avoid subjective, inappropriate and unsubstantiated statements e.g. 'She is an innovative artist'; 'even if'; 'skillfully interwines'; 'extensive experience'; 'a pivotal role'; 'groundbreaking technologies'; etc. Understand why, and see Manual_of_Style#Vocabulary
• fundamental issues with referencing:
  • missing sources for all text. See Wikipedia:referencing for beginners
  • incorrect referencing format for 3 references, with no correct use of the relevant Cite template
  • references have been inserted incorrectly below the reflist footer tag
• fundamental issues with basic grammar/spelling e.g. 'multifaced', 'boundaties', '2008. this '; 'inclusing '; 'Khoe-s'; 'apple app '; etc.
• ovlerlinking: See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Linking

Limelightangel (talk) 19:03, 6 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the help. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 08:00, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Biography

I added a paragraph about May-Li Khoe studies at MIT with reference. On the other hand, I cannot find the reference and sources about the information of her studies at the University of California added before. We should add the reference for this information otherwise remove it if there are not valid sources. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 09:35, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Done it, thank you! LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 11:47, 7 November 2024 (UTC)

Patents

Should I leave the patents in bullet-points (1) or adding a brief description for each of it (2)?

(1):

• Device, method, and graphical user interface for providing tactile feedback for operations performed in a user interface

(2):

Device, method, and graphical user interface for providing tactile feedback for operations performed in a user interface

This invention allows a touch-screen device to give physical feedback, such as vibration, when a user adjusts a setting and reaches its maximum or minimum limit, helping users feel when they've hit a boundary without needing to look at the screen. Meister L (talk) 16:10, 8 November 2024 (UTC)

Adding a brief description is more detailed, thank you! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:22, 8 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your reply. Meister L (talk) 16:34, 9 November 2024 (UTC)

I created the table for the patents, but not all the fields are completed, thus they need to be all done. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

• LIUCRiccardo10, if you want to increase the chances of this getting accepted, remove the patents. The article is already promotional enough, and this just makes it look more like a resume--and the section has no secondary sourcing. Drmies (talk) 22:20, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

  Thank you very much for your valuable suggestion. We truly appreciate your input, and we will certainly take it into consideration moving forward. In light of the feedback provided by @Limelightangel, we believe that by incorporating both perspectives, we will be able to address the issue in the most effective and efficient manner possible.

  Once again, thank you for your contribution. We look forward to working together to ensure the best possible outcome. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 15:56, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your contribution. Meister L (talk) 16:19, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

See also

I added some links in the "See also" section. I think we should improve this section. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 20:12, 9 November 2024 (UTC)

I think that those are great ideas! Do you think that I should put those information in the different other subtitles or keep it in the "See also". Just to know, so I can work on it, if you would like it.

Thank you, @LIUCcarola10 LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 20:10, 11 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you @LIUCRiccardo10, I think we should keep it in the "See also" section and add also other ideas in this section to improve it! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 08:48, 12 November 2024 (UTC)

Projects

I added a new project in the projects section (scribble Together), let me know if for you it is relevant or not, also I'd like to add more about te infobox because it looks a bit skinny in details Francescoboniotti (talk) 10:37, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

I agree that we should add more information to the info box, thank you for the new Project's section! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:58, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 13/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• note and comply with the guidelines and good practice on lead (introductory) sections and look at good practice other pages. See: Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section. Use this to develop this section. See also Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles#Lead_section. The text 'and she was raised in Canada by Indonesian-Chinese parents from Indonesia.' is not relevant here, but in a leter section on Early Life. The lead should also briefly summarise topic notability.
• grammar: 'subsequently a earned';'"La Pelanga Collective" is a DJ crew co-founded by them (who?); 'One of her most important project has been'; etc.
• Categories: Need adding prior to submission. See Help:categories
• External links. Understand what goes here. See Help:external links. Don't duplicate links already used in the references.
• See Also section:
  • understand the differences between these and External links section. See Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style/Layout#"See_also"_section and Wikipedia:external links for guidance. See and understand what goes here and what goes in External links
  • don't use See also links for links already used in the page e.g. Apple, MIT etc.
• style: avoid subjective, redundant and biased language. See section on Vocabulary in Wikipedia:Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch
  • avoid words/phrases like e.g. ;'A few years ago,'; 'passionate' (twice); 'embarked on a transformative journey'; 'showcasing '; 'passions' (twice); etc.
  • avoid content that could be regarded as subjective and promotional e.g. 'Since its launch, Scribble Together has been highlighted by technology and educational media for its adaptability and innovative features, such as multi-user drawing and screen sharing capabilities. The application has been particularly noted for fostering interaction and creativity in remote learning and team environments, especially during the rise of remote work in the early 2020s'
• text formatting: consistently comply with the conventions on use of Italics, bold and other text formatting. See Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Text formatting. Use bold and italics consistently and correctly.
• structure:
  • the text 'In her personal life, May-Li Khoe is passionate about dance and music. She is a founding DJ of the La Pelanga DJ Collective in Oakland, California, and has performed at various festivals. ' belongs in the Personal Life section
  • remove the further reading section, which duplicates a reference
  • the Patents and projects sections need a short text introduction explaining the section content
  • the sub-section on Game features needs introductory explanatory text. It is unclear what the sub-section is about, or why Boogie Loops is mentioned here and in an earlier sub-section
  • the long, dense list of patents may be better formatted as a table with columns for the patent number, name, area of application, and application.
• references:
  • ref. 5 is to YouTube. See Wikipedia:Video links
  • ref. 8 has an incorrect title
  • ref. 11, 12 and 13 all links website home pages with no relevant source content, article title, author or date.
• needs relevant images to support adjacent text
• linking: See Help:linking.
  • you link out the first time the linked term is used.
  • Check new links are not already on the page, or add them earlier if the linked term is already used e.g. for human-computer interaction
  • understand what 'overlinking is e.g. to ' nonfiction'; etc.
  • the section on patents (better as a table) has potential for relevant linking to other pages for technical terms

Limelightangel (talk) 17:50, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you, @Limelightangel, for your review.

I am going to work on it. I updated the introduction of the article on May-Li Khoe to make it more concise and focused on her key achievements in technology, design, and the arts. I removed subjective and promotional content to align with Wikipedia's guidelines, eliminating redundant phrases like "passionate" and "embarked on a transformative journey." I also reorganized sections on her personal life, patents, and major projects (such as Scribble Together and Boogie Loops) for better clarity. I corrected references, improved image usage, and applied Wikipedia's style conventions, avoiding overlinking and formatting errors. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 23:36, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

I changed the youtube (wrong) link, using the right article used. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 12:24, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

Also deleted the (before) reference 11, and changed the reference 11 (before 12), using the right page LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 12:38, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

I created the table for the patents, and put all the information that were written before, adding the number of the patents as well. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 22:12, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback!

• I added a short text introduction in the projects sections, explaining the section content.
• I removed the further reading section, which duplicates a reference.
• I changed some links by placing them in the first time the linked term is used.
• I deleted some overlinks e.g. "nonfiction"

LIUCcarola10 (talk) 12:30, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

Apple project

The apple project is written both in the career and in the project sections. What about write about it in a less specific manner in the career section and more in-depth way in the project sections?

I can try to modify it, if it is fine LIUCbenedetta10 (talk) 07:25, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your advice @LIUCbenedetta10, I already changed it (delating the part in the career, and putting it in the project, that was writter better), tell me if it is good. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 14:32, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Work that needs to be done:

Hello everyone, these are the following tasks that we decided on the call:

• Review and verify the use of formatting elements (bold, italics, underline, highlighting, and any other special formatting) @Meister L
• Correct and update all links (both external links and references) @Liucalex01
• Review and improve the grammar throughout @LIUCRiccardo10
• Provide introductions for the "Patents" @LIUCbenedetta10
• Create an introduction for the "Project" @LIUCcarola10
• Complete the "Patents" @LiucBerti

Biography:@LiucBerti

Early Life and Education: @LIUCcarola10 @LiucBerti

Career: @LIUCRiccardo10

Project: @Francescoboniotti @Liucalex01 @LIUCbenedetta10

Patents: @Meister L

Personal life: @LIUCcarola10

Thank you, and I look forward to your contributions. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 16:36, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you @LIUCRiccardo10, I've added the introduction to the "Projects" section. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 18:50, 15 November 2024 (UTC)

If you want I can also work on the improvement of external links, @Liucalex01 let me know if it is okay for you or if you have already worked on it! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 11:43, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

I added a small introduction to patents, I'm not sure it is sufficient, but I really don't know what can I write, if you have suggestions text me, thank you! LIUCbenedetta10 (talk) 10:10, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

Lead Section

Regarding the feedback 13/11/24, I've watched Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section and other wikipedia pages and I think we should add more information as brief summary of the main subjects that we have treated in the entire Draft, for example adding the Educational background and the main points of Career. Let me know if it is correct for you, and if it is I can work on it! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 11:03, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your suggestion, I will take it into account. Meister L (talk) 11:10, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

I 100% agree with what you are saying, I just added some informations, in the last part of the career section, about her impact on community and advocacy. Let me know if guys find it's interesting to add, if the answer is yes i don't think "career" is the most suitable section to add it to. Francescoboniotti (talk) 11:12, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the reply, I was talking about adding some information about career and education also in the first lines of introduction so that readers can understand topic notability and a brief summarise of what we treated in the entire page. Leet me know! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 11:38, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

References

The reference "Notion. "Your connected workspace for wiki, docs & projects". Notion. Retrieved 2024-11-14." is under the section of References but is not related to any paragraph. Do you know who added it and which paragraph is it referred to? Let me know so we can write it in a correct way and position. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:58, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

Also, the official website of May-Li Khoe is both in the External links and in the References. I think it's better to leave it in the External links section, what do you think? Do we have to delete it from the References and replace it with another one? Let me know! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 16:57, 16 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for your message, Carola.

I appreciate you pointing out the issue with the "Notion" reference. Upon reviewing, I recall adding that link in relation to the Apple project, so I will make sure to place it appropriately within the relevant section and ensure it is correctly cited.

Regarding the official website of May-Li Khoe, I agree with your suggestion to keep it solely in the External Links section. It makes sense to maintain consistency and avoid redundancy. I will also remove it from the References section as you proposed, and I can look for another reference to replace it if necessary.

Please let me know if you need me to make any further adjustments or if you have any additional thoughts on these points. I look forward to hearing your feedback. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 15:21, 17 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the reply, and thank you for having fixed the issue with Notion reference. I'll work too on finding new references to replace with the official website of May-Li Khoe. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 09:42, 18 November 2024 (UTC)

Projects/References

Okey sounds good! I will get going with the things that need to be done I will add some more information about the projects and also I will correct the references Liucalex01 (talk) 11:06, 19 November 2024 (UTC)

Oh I didn't see that someone already worked on them because I think it looks good now but I added some more information in the project area, let me know if you need me to do something else. Because right now I'm not completely sure what I can help with. Liucalex01 (talk) 15:25, 19 November 2024 (UTC)

I saw that the references are still not correct. Would you mind reviewing them and making the necessary adjustments?

You can also use: Wikipedia:Video links or Help:linking. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 17:16, 19 November 2024 (UTC)

Hey I did some changes but cannot find the bad references, looking at the feedback from @Limelightangel I think the reference list must have changed because I cannot find the reference to a YouTube video. And also if you have some references that are not good in mind please tell me and I will adjust them so that they are correct. Liucalex01 (talk) 09:33, 20 November 2024 (UTC)

Language

I have come across information stating that Wikipedia primarily uses American English for its English-language version. This is due to Wikipedia’s policy of adhering to the standard English of the country where the site is hosted, which in this case is the United States. As a result, American English is generally preferred over British English. Although there are some cases where regional terms or variants are accepted for specific articles, the default convention remains American English.

While reviewing the article, I noticed that some terms appear to follow British English conventions. Given Wikipedia's guidelines, I would suggest we update these terms to align with the American English standard. What do you think about it?

@Limelightangel @LIUCcarola10 @LIUCbenedetta10 @Francescoboniotti @Liucalex01 @Meister L @LiucBerti LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 17:12, 19 November 2024 (UTC)

I think it's better to use American English and update terms by what you said. I can work on it! LIUCcarola10 (talk) 14:32, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for noticing the issue, I think American English is better, also because I used it in the part I edited. Meister L (talk) 16:32, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Link

I noticed that @Liucalex01 has linked the MIT Institute in the text, but it is already included as a link in the table under the "Alma Mater" section. Given this repetition, do you think we should remove the link from either the text or the table, as @Limelightangel has recommended? This would help avoid redundancy and maintain consistency throughout the document.

Would you prefer to keep the link in the table, where it is already presented, or would it be more appropriate to retain it in the text for additional context, as long as it does not create unnecessary repetition?

Maybe @Limelightangel you can give us and advice as well, also for the "Language" topic, thus we can make the best choice. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 20:40, 20 November 2024 (UTC)

@LIUCcarola10 @LIUCbenedetta10 @Francescoboniotti @Meister L @LiucBerti LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 20:41, 20 November 2024 (UTC)

Yeah I think it's better to delete repeated links and wait for the advice of @Limelightangel. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 14:36, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Patents

It seems that the references for the patents are missing from the page. I know that @Meister L and @LiucBerti worked on that part, would you please either add them or if you want I can put them if you give me the URL? The patents are an important part of the information, and having the references will improve the completeness of the page.

Thank you for your attention! LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 21:29, 20 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for reminding, I'll fix it. Meister L (talk) 16:56, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Biography

After reviewing the wikipedia page and comparing it with other similar articles, I think we could remove the biography section as a standalone section and put the information directly into the introduction. I think this would match the style of other articles and make the page more easy to read. Because in current version, the page doesn't looks well, only the infobox and a brief sentence are visible initially, and users have to manually open the biography section.

What do you think about this idea?

@LIUCRiccardo10, @LIUCcarola10, @Francescoboniotti, @Liucalex01, @LiucBerti, @LIUCbenedetta10 Meister L (talk) 16:53, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Yes, it is a great idea, I can do it. LIUCbenedetta10 (talk) 19:59, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

It's the same as what I said in the "Lead Section" talk part and I agree with you. LIUCcarola10 (talk) 20:10, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 21/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• Too like an essay, with large sections of flat text
• no See Also’s
• no images, apart from Infobox
• external links: see Wikipedia:External links and Help:External links and references
• style: See section on Vocabulary in Wikipedia:Manual of Style and Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Words to watch
  • see and address the issues in the page banner related to encylcopedic tone and to subjectivity
  • repetitive fundamental issues with style, tone and vocabulary
    • redundant words e.g. 'Additionally'; 'Finally'; 'In addition'; 'Beyond her work at ', 'also been'; 'in fact '; etc.
    • subjective/biased vocabularly e.g. 'a significant tenure'; 'May-Li Khoe’s extensive experience'; 'he played a pivotal role'; 'comprehensive design systems'; 'Khoe recognized the importance of building a team that reflected that diversity. Understanding that a diverse and inclusive team is essential for fostering innovative solutions,'; 'Inspired by'; 'This initiative underscored Khoe’s commitment to'; 'ensuring that the team could contribute to Khan Academy’s overarching mission of providing world-class education to anyone, anywhere.[8]'; 'she made substantial contributions'; 'a key advancement in'; 'made substantial contributions'; 'widely used for'; 'demonstrating her ability to'; 'Her journey in the'; 'characterized by a commitment to excellence and creativity'; 't prestigious institutions '; 'delving into new possibilities in this intriguing field.'; 'solidified her reputation as a key figure in the industry.'; 'Her creativity extends beyond software'; 'Khoe is an advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion in the technology and design industries.'; 'She also came to understand that a significant portion of a designer's work is often rejected before reaching a final approved design, highlighting the iterative nature of the creative process'; 'The game's playful user-interface and accessibility appeal to a wide audience,'; 'the platform’s user-friendly interface, making it suitable for both professional and educational settings'; 'The application has been particularly noted for'; 'Dynamicland explores'; 'The project represents a shift in technology’s role in '; 'particularly during a period of significant change. Despite the departure of many original members, who left due to differing visions and doubts about the project's direction, Khoe’s involvement was crucial in maintaining the group's progress. The shift towards developing the Dynamicland platform, with its emphasis on spatial computing, was central to this transition.'; 'played a pivotal role in the development of this platform, which became a core focus for the reformed team'; 'They first crossed paths'; 'This experience served as a regenerating period of renewal, allowing her to reflect and recharge'; 'etc. It all needs removing or substantially re-writing.
  • some of the subjective style and non-factual content issues have been imported from poor secondary sources
  • style & volume of patents table; - perhaps ‘less is more’? A table is a good format but has too much text for both the table and relative to the rest of the article; the text needs substantial reducing, re-writing and the style changed. As one of over 20 examples in the table alone: 'Users can easily engage with the interface thanks to the mix of...'; etc.
• content/relevance
  • the career section has substantial non-factual and subjective content; it lacks dates and clear chronological (and logical) sequence
  • a publications section may help with content facts and quality; 2 sources are available via Scholar
• grammar: 'playdate console's '
• lead section, biography and structure: remove Biography, include some of this in the lead, remove or move ' The couple shares a strong interest in music, both as DJs and musicians.[4]' and create a section on Life with subsections?
• sources and references:
  • many references are to low-quality websites, including several commercial sites and commercial blogs rather than authorative sources, with no authors and superficial content; if there are no authors, and/or annonymous content on commercial sites they lack credibility as acceptable sources
  • her website is a relevant external link but not an acceptable reference source (ref.3)
  • the Cite>Web template has not been used correctly or consistently: several website references are incorrect and/or missing data e.g.
    • ref. 5 has a missing author, the website name as the author, no website name after the title, and no publisher; etc.
    • the author for ref. 13 is May Li-Khoe, not Game Developer; the website name is Game Developer; the missing publisher is Informa Tech
    • ref.16 does not link to the stated source
    • ref 17 should just reference to the original book, not to a Google site without the full text
  • several references do not source the information they are used for in the text e.g. refs.9 & 10 do not pr sourcesovide information on her involvement in these products and are incorrect as
  • ref. 9 is duplicated with an external link from the same sentence to the same source
  • do not link out to external sites from the text
• structure: Scribble together is covered in 2 different sections and needs resolving with a better structure

Limelightangel (talk) 18:52, 21 November 2024 (UTC)–

Thank you for the feedback! Liucalex01 (talk) 16:05, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

patents 2

As @Limelightangel suggests, I think that the table has to stand out more and so it is better to reduce the content because there is too much text, what do you think about it? I can try to do it. LIUCbenedetta10 (talk) 20:42, 21 November 2024 (UTC)

I believe it would be beneficial to remove the sections that specifically reference the "application part" as well as the examples related to Apple. By omitting these details, we would be able to streamline the content and focus more on the broader themes of the subject's career and achievements, without narrowing the scope to specific applications or companies.

This approach would allow for a more generalized discussion of the individual’s work, emphasizing their contributions to the field without being tied to particular products or organizational contexts. Additionally, such changes could enhance the neutrality and applicability of the content, making it more versatile for different types of audiences or uses, such as academic profiles or professional biographies.

What are your thoughts on this approach? Do you agree with removing those particular references to focus on a more comprehensive portrayal of the individual’s overall expertise and impact? LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 14:54, 24 November 2024 (UTC)

I agree with you, I will go to change it LIUCbenedetta10 (talk) 15:36, 24 November 2024 (UTC)

Work that need to be done

• general content (grammar, making less word/essay text) @LIUCcarola10 and I
• references: @Liucalex01
• patents @Meister L @LiucBerti @LIUCbenedetta10
• external links :@Meister L
• see also @Francescoboniotti

Linking plan:

LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 15:41, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

Yeah I did the references so thats done! @LIUCRiccardo10 Liucalex01 (talk) 16:42, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

I also added some pictures if they dont fit well feel free to take them away! Liucalex01 (talk) 16:43, 22 November 2024 (UTC)

External Links

The reference of the first paragraph about Dynamicland in the "Projects" section is the website of this project, so I think it's better to add that on the "external links" section and replace this reference with a new one, more reliable. What do you think? @Liucalex01@LIUCRiccardo10@MeisterL@Francescoboniotti@LiucBerti@LIUCbenedetta10 LIUCcarola10 (talk) 11:35, 23 November 2024 (UTC)

thanks Carola for your suggestion, if I'm not mistaken I should have done it correctly, let me know for further corrections! Francescoboniotti (talk) 20:54, 23 November 2024 (UTC)

Draft feedback 26/11/24

@Liucalex01, Francescoboniotti, LIUCbenedetta10, LIUCRiccardo10, Meister L, LiucBerti, and LIUCcarola10:

• General Comments
  • The draft is thorough and well-researched but has areas that need improvements in tone, structure, and sourcing to align with Wikipedia's guidelines.
  • Sections such as Life and Career and Personal Life are detailed, but they include promotional language and excessive personal anecdotes that are not encyclopedic.
  • While the draft references notable achievements and contributions, it often lacks balance, presenting a primarily positive perspective. Greater neutrality is needed to meet Wikipedia’s standards.
• Lead Section
  • Strengths: The lead provides a good summary of May-Li Khoe’s professional achievements and personal background.
  • Issues:
    • Phrases like "recognized for her mentorship in the startup ecosystem" and "known for her work in..." are subjective and promotional. ***Replace with factual, verifiable information.
    • Avoid overloading the lead with specifics about her career at Apple and Khan Academy; move some details to relevant sections.
• Structure
  • Section Titles:
    • Consider more concise titles, e.g., "Entrepreneurship and Mentorship" instead of "Entrepreneurship, Mentorship and Consulting."
    • Ensure consistency in formatting across all headings.
  • Organization:
    • Merge or condense sections with overlapping content, such as "Projects" and "Entrepreneurship."
    • Consider combining minor projects (e.g., "Boogie Loops" and "Scribble Together") into a single subsection under "Entrepreneurship."
• References
  • Balance: Include more references from independent, secondary sources to substantiate claims. Many current references (e.g., May-Li Khoe’s own Medium posts) are primary sources, which Wikipedia discourages unless properly contextualized.
  • Formatting: Some references lack complete details, such as authorship or publication dates. Examples:
    • Ref 8 ("Scribble Together Overview") is missing specific publication details.
    • Ref 9 ("Creating the rhythmic pixel art...") needs standard formatting.
  • Unreliable Sources: Avoid relying on sources like blogs or promotional websites, unless they provide unique and verifiable information.
• Tone
  • Neutrality:
    • Phrases like "fostering interaction and creativity in remote learning" and "underscored her commitment to diversity and collaboration" are promotional. Rephrase for neutrality.
    • Avoid subjective descriptors such as "groundbreaking," "renowned," or "innovative."
  • Excessive Detail:
    • Remove anecdotal content unrelated to encyclopedic context, e.g., personal reflections on her MFA program or salsa dancing.
• Images
  • Relevance: Some images (e.g., personal headshots) may not meet Wikipedia’s standards for encyclopedic use. Focus on images related to her projects or patents.
  • Captions: Improve clarity and detail in captions to enhance relevance, e.g., "The Playdate console’s Boogie Loops interface, designed by Khoe."
• Specific Section Feedback
  • Life and Career
    • Early Life:The focus on childhood software tools (e.g., KidPix) is excessive. Summarize briefly to emphasize her early interest in design and technology.
    • Apple Inc.:Avoid detailed technical descriptions of specific patents. Instead, highlight her role and broader contributions to Apple’s design team. Example: "Contributed to innovations such as Force Touch and the Taptic Engine" is sufficient.
    • Khan Academy:Refrain from subjective language such as "underscored her commitment to diversity." Provide concrete examples of the impact of her initiatives instead.
    • Clarify if methodologies introduced (e.g., the four-quadrant survey) were widely adopted or influential beyond her team.
  • Entrepreneurship
    • Scribble Together and Boogie Loops are presented in excessive detail, resembling promotional content. Focus on their significance in the broader context of educational technology and creative tools.
    • Highlight the impact of these projects, such as user adoption rates or notable partnerships.
  • Academic Contributions
    • The section is relatively weak compared to others. Expand on her teaching contributions at MIT, Harvard, and Carnegie Mellon with specific examples or references.
    • Clarify the academic focus of her published work, avoiding vague terms like "exploring the intersections of design, technology, and mathematics."
  • Projects
    • The Dynamicland section needs better sourcing to support claims about its significance.
    • Condense technical descriptions of features like "room-sized interactive surfaces" and focus on their broader impact.
  • Patents
    • While the patent list is impressive, the section is overly detailed for a general audience. Summarize key innovations and their relevance to her career.
    • Consider removing less significant patents unless they demonstrate her broader influence in the field.
  • Personal Life
    • Remove or condense non-relevant personal details, such as her salsa dancing and DJing. While these add color, they don’t contribute significantly to an encyclopedic entry.

• Linking
  • Avoid overlinking common terms like "MIT," "design thinking," or "Apple Inc."
  • Focus on linking to Wikipedia articles that provide context or additional insights into her contributions, such as "Human-computer interaction" or "Force Touch."

• Suggestions for Improvement
  • Neutralize Tone:
  • Remove promotional language and replace subjective descriptors with factual information.
    • Example: "known for her mentorship" → "has mentored startups and individuals in the tech industry."
  • Enhance Verifiability:
    • Incorporate more independent, secondary sources to establish notability.
  • Streamline Content:
    • Remove excessive technical detail and personal anecdotes. Focus on professional milestones and contributions to the field.
  • Strengthen Sections:
    • Expand underdeveloped sections like Academic Contributions with substantive details.
    • Integrate minor projects into broader themes to avoid fragmentation.

Greentree97 (talk) 14:24, 26 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you for the feedback.

I've worked on improve the following issues:

• Avoid overlinking common terms like "MIT," "design thinking," or "Apple Inc."
• Focus on linking to Wikipedia articles that provide context or additional insights into her contributions, such as "Human-computer interaction" or "Force Touch."
• Remove promotional language and replace subjective descriptors with factual information. Example: "known for her mentorship" → "has mentored startups and individuals in the tech industry.
• Personal Life: Remove or condense non-relevant personal details, such as her salsa dancing and DJing. While these add color, they don’t contribute significantly to an encyclopedic entry.
• Captions: Improve clarity and detail in captions to enhance relevance, e.g., "The Playdate console’s Boogie Loops interface, designed by Khoe."
• Excessive Detail: Remove anecdotal content unrelated to encyclopedic context, e.g., personal reflections on her MFA program or salsa dancing.
• Phrases like "fostering interaction and creativity in remote learning" and "underscored her commitment to diversity and collaboration" are promotional. Rephrase for neutrality.
• Consider more concise titles, e.g., "Entrepreneurship and Mentorship" instead of "Entrepreneurship, Mentorship and Consulting."
• Ref 8 ("Scribble Together Overview") is missing specific publication details.
• I'll continue working on the improvement of the page, following your advice.

LIUCcarola10 (talk) 14:52, 26 November 2024 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your thoughtful and detailed feedback. I truly appreciate the time and effort you dedicated to reviewing the content and offering such valuable suggestions. Your comments have provided clear direction for the improvements needed, particularly in the areas of neutrality, clarity, and consistency. We will carefully address the following points:

• Neutrality:
  • Rephrase promotional phrases such as "fostering interaction and creativity in remote learning" and "underscored her commitment to diversity and collaboration."
  • Remove subjective descriptors like "groundbreaking," "renowned," or "innovative."
• Excessive Detail:
  • Eliminate anecdotal content not directly related to the encyclopedic context, such as personal reflections on the MFA program or salsa dancing.
• Captions:
  • Improve clarity and relevance of captions, e.g., "The Playdate console’s Boogie Loops interface, designed by Khoe."
• References:
  • Ref 8 ("Scribble Together Overview") requires specific publication details.
  • Ref 9 ("Creating the rhythmic pixel art...") needs standard formatting.
• Section Titles:
  • Consider more concise titles, such as "Entrepreneurship and Mentorship" instead of "Entrepreneurship, Mentorship and Consulting."
  • Ensure consistency in formatting across all headings.

In the coming days, starting today, we will be working on these improvements to refine the page further. Your input has been invaluable, and we are committed to making the necessary adjustments. Thank you again for your thoughtful support. LIUCRiccardo10 (talk) 11:21, 27 November 2024 (UTC)

Images

The feedback 26/11 says that some images (e.g., personal headshots) may not meet Wikipedia’s standards for encyclopedic use and that we have to focus on images related to her projects or patents. Having said that, do you think we should delete the May-Li Khoe headshot added near the Project section? LIUCcarola10 (talk) 15:24, 26 November 2024 (UTC)

Apple Inc.

Under the subtitle Apple Inc., should we shorten and change the tone/style of the following text?

"Khoe learned about the time and effort required for each phase of the design process, including conducting pressure tests and ensuring that selected materials met design specifications. She collaborated with Engineering Program Managers (EPMs) and other designers, including Evans Hankey, Anthony Michael Fadell, and Jonathan Paul Ive, who was the Chief Design Officer at Apple at the time. She observed that significant portions of work were revised or discarded before a final approval, illustrating the iterative aspects of the design process."

Because this paragraph could be one of the reasons why the page is considered promotion by Wikipedia. Meister L (talk) 18:56, 27 November 2024 (UTC)