User talk:Jennakor/sandbox

What I would like feedback on

Is the article unbiased? How can I improve the new sections I have created?

Feedback

The lead section is a good improvement on the previous one; it does a much better job outlining what youth empowerment really is. At this point though, you should have more written for the rest of the article. Your plan to go over the frameworks and the 5 C’s in more detail is a good idea. As for the programs, have you found information on any that were not successful? If you do it would be a good idea to include some information on one. This provides a balance, and opens up the opportunity to discuss what does not work as far as program design goes. It would also be great to see a small section on policy, the previous lead paragraph talks about political parties that have statements about youth empowerment, and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child information would be interesting to include, since most countries have adopted it as law.Kjatczak (talk) 15:48, 31 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Dr V quick comments

As we move to peer edits, could you post more detail at the top of your sandbox page what changes you're making and your plans? Can you say more about feedback you're searching for? Also, please post on the Talk:Youth empowerment article your planned edits asap. This should be more than just "I'm working on this." Both of these flags will help interested peers/editors work with you and give you better feedback. Onward! I will give you more feedback as we move forward.

Feedback Hannah Mezei

Hi Jennakor! I enjoyed reading your article and learning more about youth empowerment.

I believe that you article does have a neutral point of view, however I feel like you state some things that need to be cited. It never hurts to over-cite things because it provides proof of what you are saying! For example, your empowering youth paragraph 1: where did you get that information on psychological, community, and organizational empowerment? Cite the sources after talking about each, so there is proof.

As Dr. V said in class today, we have to remember that these articles will be seen by people of all different ages, and people from all different countries around the world. So it would be good to think about keeping your article as concise and readable for a large array of people as possible. Sometimes your sentences were hard to understand or contained big words or phrases that the average person may not understand (or middle schoolers using Wikipedia).

The second sentence in the 3rd paragraph of Youth Empower Programs is a bit confusing, so I would go back and relook at that one.

I added a few more hyperlinks to your article that I think would be beneficial to the readers.

Have you found any articles that you can link your page to so its not an "orphan" yet? I would suggest maybe linking it on these pages: Youth activism Student leadership Civic engagement Youth programs

Seeing as it seems a bit short still, I don't think you are quite finished with this yet, so I think it would be interesting if you could add a section on the effects/outcomes of youth empowerment, or examples of what some of these youth empowerment programs have accomplished or failed to accomplish.

Your article has a LOT of good information, and you really explain and introduce eery idea you are talking about, so good job! These are just a few ways you can improve it a bit more.

Keep up the great work!!

Hannah.Mezei (talk) 18:23, 12 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from Maddie Hasley

Lead Paragraph

"Empowerment is the means and a better a quality of life is the end goal." This sentence is a bit confusing. I would revise your lead paragraphs and just make sure sentences make sense and flow.
What is the 5C model? I understand what the 5 C's are, but what is it in general? Who uses it?
You talk about youth empowerment programs, but what specifically are some youth empowerment programs??
"Empowerment movements, including youth empowerment, originate, gain momentum, become viable, and become institutionalized" Why is this relevant? I think you need to expand here.

Empowering Youth

Is there a difference between components of empowerment and dimensions of empowerment? Perhaps you should differentiate because they seem very similar to me.
Indicator OF effectiveness, not OR effectiveness. (Third paragraph)
Why incorporate quality of life if it is subjective? Why is it important? How can it help us better understand youth empowerment programs? You have a lot of room to expand here!
Can you give any specific examples of programs in different countries? How they differ? How are they alike?
It looks like you give examples of youth empowerment programs later. Is there a way you can incorporate a few examples of programs earlier on? I feel a bit lost. I understand the concepts and ideas behind the empowerment programs but it may be beneficial to analyze or mention a youth empowerment program earlier on so readers feel they have a concrete example

Youth Empowerment Programs

What does it mean to operate in more than one setting? Why is it effective?
I like the idea of shared control, could you expand? How is it key for empowering youth? Do all programs implement this component? Is it related to transition theory?
Do youth-adult partnerships aid a youth's transition into adulthood?

Examples of Youth Empowerment Programs

It seems that your most prevalent examples are from developed countries. As a reader, I would hope to see more examples from countries that may have more of a "youth crisis" on their hands.
Are there programs for youth in underdeveloped countries?
USAID (link to page) seems like they have many youth empowerment programs. What are they?

Overall thoughts

You have a TON of great information in your page. I like the groundwork you have laid and think you have many opportunities to expand.
I agree with Hannah, you should consider citing more ideas.
I think you have opportunities to link to other pages that you should utilize.
Can you find any articles that demonstrate the effectiveness of youth programs through a youth's perspective? I think, as Hannah said, you could create an entirely new section on this.
Do not be frustrated with my feedback :) I can tell you've done a lot of research and have carefully thought out your page. My main suggestion is to expand and give specific examples. — Preceding unsigned comment added by MHDU (talk • contribs) 21:18, 15 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from GrebniewNeb 11-15

Lead

You can certainly expand on some of the definitions you provide with more cited material. The first paragraph really only needs the first sentence. The ends and means sentence doesn't seem necessary and may not be received well by the wide Wikipedia audience.
I changed a couple words to help flow.

Empowering Youth

To help with readability I thought it was important to add subsections that could clear up what was being discussed at each section.
I revised a couple sentences in the first two paragraphs to make them more parallel to better connect them while reading.
The sentence "Many different programs" is unnecessary in this section because of the next section that focuses on those different programs.

Youth Empowerment Programs

Does "across the globe" or "around the world," help or perpetuate systematic bias in terms of location? (the phrases just stuck out to me, I don't think they are bad but may imply certain ideas of the point of view)
"The concept of shared control is key for empowering youth" is an opinionated phrase. Either get a citation and change it's wording or nix it.
I changed the United States section from the first under the subheading of example because it then does promote the bias that the United States is most important in terms of this issue.

Good work with this and there are areas for expansion in each section that will give you great opportunity to enhance this article. --GrebniewNeb (talk) 05:49, 16 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]