View source for Talk:Opawa/GA2

==GA Review==
{{atopg
| status = 
| result = Passed. [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 10:38, 11 October 2024 (UTC)
}}
{{Good article tools}}
<noinclude>{{al|{{#titleparts:Opawa/GA2|-1}}|noname=yes}}<br/></noinclude><includeonly>:''This review is [[WP:transclusion|transcluded]] from [[Talk:Opawa/GA2]]. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''</includeonly>

'''Nominator:''' {{User|Alexeyevitch}} 03:12, 1 October 2024 (UTC)

'''Reviewer:''' [[User:DimensionalFusion|DimensionalFusion]]&nbsp;([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] '''·''' [[Special:Contributions/DimensionalFusion|contribs]]) 17:55, 6 October 2024 (UTC)

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| '''[[Wikipedia:Good article criteria|Criteria]]:'''<!--
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Off the bat, article doesn't merit quickfail (no maintenance tags, reviewer has written 80% of article thus far). Looks interesting, I'll begin reviewing once I've read the whole article
I will be referring to comments made in the [[Talk:Opawa/GA1|first GA]] in determining any outstanding issues that may arise.

'''Review comments:'''

# Article does not skew towards any particular point of view. 4 is passed
# Article does not have any edit warring. 5 is passed
# Images used are captioned appropriately and relevant to article content. No copyrighted images, so no fair use rationale. 6 is passed
=== Lead ===
Lead section chooses not to use citations, so citations in lead must be backed up later. Article in red, suggested change in green – not mandatory, just a suggestion for change
* {{!tq|It developed little during its early years in becoming a residential suburb.}} Seems ungramatical – perhaps something like {{tq|It saw little development in its early years as it transitioned into a residential suburb.}}
:: {{done}} - A
* {{!tq|As Woolston emerged as an industrial hub nearby, Opawa was heavily urbanised, transforming it ...}} this seems clunky. Commas used in this sense of extra information should make sense gramatically when the commas are removed. Perhaps something similar to {{tq|As Woolston emerged as an industrial hub nearby, Opawa was heavily urbanised. This transformed it ...}}
:: {{done}} Yes, that's better.
* {{emoji|1F6A8}} {{!tq|comprised of}} bad phrasing. See [[WP:COMPRISEDOF]]
::{{fixed}} Changed to {{tq|consisting of}}.
* {{!tq|The suburb is largely residential, and lies mostly within a U-shaped bend of the Ōpāwaho / Heathcote River, that contains a light retail precinct centred on Opawa Road.}} Sentence could be reworked?
::{{Partly done}} - A
* {{!tq|It was incorporated in to the city area in 1916.}} ''Which'' city area?
:: {{fixed}} Christchurch City Area - A
* {{!tq|The suburb is home to two local sporting clubs, the Opawa Bowling Club and the Opawa Lawn Tennis Club.}} This lists two items so it should use a colon, like such: {{tq|The suburb hosts two local sports clubs: the Opawa Bowling Club and the Opawa Lawn Tennis Club.}}
::{{done}} - A
* {{!tq|Notable people with connections with the suburb include, politician William Pember Reeves, wartime women's labour administrator Noeline Baker, and one of New Zealand's most successful tennis players, Anthony Wilding.}} This is also a list, so should either use a colon or nothing: {{tq|Notable individuals associated with the suburb include politician William Pember Reeves, wartime women's labour administrator Noeline Baker, and Anthony Wilding, one of New Zealand's most successful tennis players.}}
:: {{done}} - A

# Article is sufficiently broad in covering the main aspects of the topic, passed 3a
# References are acceptably formatted, passed 2a
# No OR that I've seen, passed 2c

===1a Prose check===
* {{!tq|It also grew as people left Woolston's industrial areas including factory-workers and businesspeople who could not find homes in Woolston itself.}} Seems a bit clunky. Maybe something else like {{tq|It also expanded as factory workers and businesspeople from Woolston's industrial areas relocated after being unable to find housing within Woolston itself.}}
::{{done}} - A
* {{!tq|Opawa and its neighbouring suburb of Hillsborough were home to some brickmaking and clay industries, which did contribute in the development of Christchurch.}} Also seems clunky. {{!tq|which did contribute}} doesn't sound grammatical.
::{{partly done}} - A
* {{!tq|Dates of repeated instances of significant flooding in the area include, August 1941, April 1962, and January 1980.}} This has a comma starting a list, which is ungrammatical. Perhaps you could either add a colon and embrace the list or remove it entirely, like this: {{tq|Notable instances of significant flooding in the area occurred in August 1941, April 1962, and January 1980.}}
::{{done}} - A
* {{!tq|Opawa contains a large number of landmarks and places of historical interest, known for their connection with some of the early European settlers in the area, among them, the Risingholme, a Victorian house which was built in 1864 by Mary and William Reeves.}} Perhaps reword this sentence
::{{unsure}} (hopefully) it's better now - A
* {{!tq|Opawa was incorporated in to the city area in October 1916.}} Repeats from the lead and again, which city area? Obviously it's Christchurch but that needs to be stated
::{{done}} - A
* {{!tq|which is regarded as one of North Canterbury's oldest schools.}} Faulty phrasing - something cannot be "regarded" as a quality such as age. It can ''be'' one of North Canterbury's oldest schools
::{{fixed}} - A
* {{!tq| the school's growth was influenced by the district which was on route via the Bridle Path from Christchurch to Lyttelton.}} Not clear what's trying to be said here
::{{removed}} Better removed, not much connection, possibly unnecessary information - A
* {{!tq|In 1920, foundation of a new school at Opawa was laid.}} I think this is supposed to say {{tq|''the'' foundation}}
::{{fixed}} - A
* {{!tq|At present time, Opawa School is a full-primary ...}} I think this was supposed to say either {{tq|At ''the'' present time}} or {{tq|At present,}}
::{{fixed}} - A
* {{!tq|...St Mark's School, a name it shares with St Mark's Anglican Church is located on Opawa Road.}} Needs rephrasing, perhaps {{tq|a name it shares with St Mark's Anglican Church ''which'' is located on Opawa Road.}}
::{{fixed}} - A
* {{!tq|Hansen Park, a recreational park in the suburb, is often a site of rugby, cricket and athletics.}} A bit clunky, perhaps reword to something like {{tq|Hansen Park, a recreational area in the suburb, frequently hosts rugby, cricket, and athletics events.}}
::{{fixed}} - A
* {{!tq|There are two rugby fields and two football fields in the park, and the clubrooms of the Port Hills Athletic Club.}} A bit clunky to list it in this manner. Perhaps something like {{tq|The park features two rugby fields, two football fields, and houses the clubrooms of the Port Hills Athletic Club.}} would be better suited.
::{{done}} That's better. - A
I can see that the prose needing copy-editing was a problem with the previous review, and that you've requested a copy-edit from GOCE. As-is, this probably wouldn't pass the criteria [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 08:56, 8 October 2024 (UTC)
:Attempting to apply [[MOS:LIST]] in § Landmarks. Should be better now (I think). <span style="font-family:cursive;color:DarkBlue;cursor:help"><span>[[User:Alexeyevitch|Alexeyevitch]]</span><sup>([[User talk:Alexeyevitch|talk]])</sup></span> 10:33, 8 October 2024 (UTC)
::Okay, I'll take another look at it [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 11:12, 8 October 2024 (UTC)

===1b MoS===
# Article meets MoS for lead, facts stated there are backed up by corresponding text in the article and reliable sources.
# Article meets MoS for layout
# MoS for fiction does not apply here
# I can't see any violations of WtW, so article meets MoS in that regard
# Article does not meet MoS for list incorporation as whilst some lists are embedded inline, others are not clear that they are lists. May be fixed if issues in 1a are addressed
# Now passed following improvements made

===3b Focus===
# Article is somewhat focused. On the one hand, it does remain on the topic of the suburb, but on the other hand it does cover various somewhat irrelevant factors. For example, in the education section it starts listing the roll of all the students, and I just can't see how this is relevant, as well as requiring lots of time to update to be the most recent [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 10:15, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
#:This is standard for NZ articles (e.g. see [[Māngere Bridge (suburb)]]  (and [[Papanui#Education|this]]). <span style="font-family:cursive;color:DarkBlue;cursor:help"><span>[[User:Alexeyevitch|Alexeyevitch]]</span><sup>([[User talk:Alexeyevitch|talk]])</sup></span> 10:17, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
#::I'd also like to note that the demographics template and linking [https://www.educationcounts.govt.nz/home Education Counts] is also typical for NZ locality articles. I have removed quite a bit of needless detail (which is not standard) that I learned from a previous review. <span style="font-family:cursive;color:DarkBlue;cursor:help"><span>[[User:Alexeyevitch|Alexeyevitch]]</span><sup>([[User talk:Alexeyevitch|talk]])</sup></span> 10:21, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
#:::I see. Would you happen to know ''why'' education counts are typical for NZ locality articles [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 11:03, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
#::::I would presume because it is affliated with Ministry of Education NZ. Also, [[Template:NZ school roll data]] updates regularly. <span style="font-family:cursive;color:DarkBlue;cursor:help"><span>[[User:Alexeyevitch|Alexeyevitch]]</span><sup>([[User talk:Alexeyevitch|talk]])</sup></span> 11:08, 9 October 2024 (UTC)

===2b 2d Copyright===
* 2d. The previous review turned up some instances of close paraphrasing, and these have been rectified. Earwig shows little evidence of copyright violations beyond generic phrases that would not count. All that remains is to do a source spot-check [[User:DimensionalFusion|<span style="color:#D52D00">Dimensional</span><span style="color:#B7016B">Fusion</span>]] ([[User talk:DimensionalFusion|talk]] · she/her) 11:08, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
* 2b. Some of the sources were inaccessible to me, so I'll AGF on those. For those that could be accessed, they did give the information that was cited in the article. Passed
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